Excluded From Paradise

Another dead, is it my turn yet? Driving down the silent highway, those words escape my lips. How can a machine be so efficient but still need someone outside to clean up the bodies?

I watch the quiet concrete jungle around me pass by and wonder how it came to this. I’ve long forgotten why but I don’t care. As long as I can escape.

Hours pass and I eventually make it to my unmistakable destination.

I park next to the entrance and hope it doesn’t take this car too. I look up and stare again in wonder.

“It’s still growing, huh?”

The oppressive building, if you can call it that, dwarfs me and everything around. Despite its insane size, it won’t stop growing across the planet.

I sigh and open the only glass door and prepare for his usual greeting.

“Hey James, a new car I see.” At what is the only reception desk in the building sits my only acquaintance, Lewal.

“It’s not like there’s anyone to stop me from taking it.”

“The benefits of the job huh?”

“Benefits, huh.”

“Yeah! You can go anywhere at any time with no one to stop you! It’s great right?”

“No, there’s no one to share it with.”

“Bu-”

“I don’t want to talk about it right now, just let me in.”

“U-uh, sure.”

I swipe my worn key card and enter the elevator. No buttons or lights needed, it knows where I need to go. I strap myself into the corner, close my eyes and prepare for the whiplash.

Instantly my body is pulled in every conceivable direction. At every turn, it goes faster and faster. My insides rip apart and repair themselves over and over again. It’s times like these where I’m grateful for its, “gift”.

Eventually, the ride is over and the doors open to part of the colossal structure.

“Good, I didn’t throw up that time.”

I take a moment to collect myself, unstrap and leave the elevator. Before my eyes are thousands, no, millions of them. There’s more than before, I just know.

Farther than I could see, bright water-filled pods with humans inside fill the expanse of my vision. Up, down, left, and right. There is no end, just an endless circle of the blessed.

I step forward and as expected, a platform appears beneath me. It moves slower this time towards my final destination. I soon reach a dimming pod with an old man inside. I press the red button on the side to drain the water and display the info I need for the backup record. I take out my notebook and rip out a page.

“Name: Johnathan Walter”

“Virtual Generation: 23rd”

“Lives lived: 20.”

“Final Death: Old Age”

“Satisfaction: Grateful and Happy.”

“What a surprise…”

I take the body out and lay it on the platform. In the second before the platform starts moving again, I stare at the pod.

I could jump in and close the hatch. I’ve earned this, I deserve this after everything.

But my body won’t move, I feel its eyes burning into my skull. Warning me to not disturb the cycle. It still needs me to do my labors.

So the dream dies again as the platform speeds to the next section. I’m left wondering “what if”, until we reach the elevator. From the elevator to cremation.

All the while, I can’t rip my eyes from this old man’s peaceful smile. What wonders did he see and experience there?

What love has he shared? What adventures has he gone on? What food has he tasted? What joys was he gifted?

All the things that make life worth living. All the things taken from me.

These questions flood my mind repeatedly and I want it to stop.

So I throw the old man into the fire and watch that smile melt away. But I feel nothing, they still win in the end.

I place my notepaper on the nearby table and leave. Knowing that if I turn around, it won’t be there anymore.

From cremation, to the elevator, to the front door, I arrive where I began. I attempt to leave but Lewal stops me like usual.

“Hey James, nice work today.”

“If you say so.”

“Hey, let’s hit the amusement park later. I know you’re not in the mood but it will cheer you up.”

“I went there more times than there are numbers. I’m…tired of it.”

“Come on, you can’t mope all the time! It’s not all doom and gloom, your time will come. You’ll see!”

“You say that every day but I…can’t believe that.”

“I…can’t lie to myself anymore.”

I look back to find the desk and Lewal gone. Like they were never there to begin with.

“Yeah, it’s time to stop lying to myself. I’m…alone.”

I exit the empty building, leaving the last of my hopes behind.

I notice the car is missing again, assimilated into this great construct. I sigh and resign myself to this eternity.

I begin the long walk home only to repeat this cycle when it calls on me. I know now, my turn will never come.