Emerald Island

"Are you sure you are going to be okay with her?" I asked, as I handed Enola's backpack to her dad.

I can't believe I finally got to this point- coparenting. Not in the sense of because we have to but it was healthy and what was right for the sake of our daughter. I stood on his porch, he lived in a nicer neighborhood than what I could ever afford. It was your traditional suburbia Stepford wives kind of deal, included for free were the nosey wives peeking out their windows, lawns being watered, and the occasional jogger passing by.

He sighed annoyingly, "How many times do I have to go over this with you? I'm clean. I haven't drank at all, I have passed my drug screens and plus my mom flew in just so we could spend time with Enola together."

Marco was a Chief in the Navy and was living in Groton, Connecticut working on Submarines and was gone at any given moment. Initially it was one of those situations where we randomly met and got married 6 months later. Eventually I couldn't handle the him being gone all the time and my life completely being filled with questions about whether or not I had made a mistake. I slowly realized I barely knew him, and before I knew it I found out I was pregnant with Enola.

Eventually we divorced and Marco picked up a drug/drinking problem after getting injured on the job. Fast forward, after the court ordered rehab and the Navy smacking sense into him I could tell he had changed for the better. He wanted to be involved in our daughter's life regardless of what capacity it looked like. I was in need of a serious break, because let's be real the burn out as a parent- we all get there at some point. So I talked with Marco, and to make me feel easier about this transition he asked his mom Josie to come visit so they could have family time.

This had been in the works for 7 years. Don't get me wrong Marco had been through hell to keep his job, and as he said She's my motivation to stay sober and keep going. But now that things were finally normal it was time for me to get my alone time. He looked happy, and I was happy for him. I couldn't imagine Enola being away from me for so long, I could only imagine how dark of a place it must have been for him in the recovery process. I got in my Subrau Crossover and waved bye.

She stood there on the porch with Josie smiling ear to ear, and she was already flashing me a toothy grin as she was missing one of her front teeth. As I turned on the ignition, Marco ran up to the door.

"Look, have fun man. I know this isn't easy but trust me when I say you deserve the time off. You do so much for Enola, it's genuinely noted. Just have fun, and I know you'll have wifi at some point, so if you want to Facetime let me know." He smiled genuinely. For so long I had actual hatred for him- who would've thought we would be actually communicating without yelling?

I got my bag packed when I came home and decided to take just a small carry on back pack. I was going to be gone for 2 weeks but at the rate the airlines loose luggage, I was not taking any chances. As I looked around, it was a very empty and quiet apartment. I looked at all the kids crafts on the fridge and smiling pictures, and I slowly realized how much being a parent had changed me.

I went from being that sorority girl, to mom well over night and I had been fighting this internal conflict. I didn't know who I was anymore. I was borderline almost having an identity crisis. I loved my daughter and I wouldn't change anything leading up to this, but I didn't know who I was outside of a juice box and some goldfish, soccer practice, and Squish mallows. I went from girl drinking her self to blackout moments, to playing tea party with hot pink feather boas. The old me and the new me wouldn't have recognized each other in a crystal ball, if I was looking into the future.

Once I got to the airport and checked in, I plugged in my AirPods and threw on Spotify. I naturally am super uncomfortable in large crowds but music helps me have that calm in a chaotic situation. I knew there was excitement and a real adventure to what was coming at the final destination. The Emerald Island. I don't know what I was looking for, but I just knew I had always been drawn to Ireland. It's rolling hills and gorgeous beaches, I knew it was the one place I wanted to escape and get away- but it was always a some day until now.

For Mother's Day Marco purchased a plane ticket for me to finally visit. So here I was passport and all, Starbucks in hand, and a journal with a old school Polaroid camera to document all my adventures. I wanted to disconnect from technology, and not worry about PTA meetings or upcoming appointments. Just breathe and slow down my pacing heart and mind. And then- as fate would have it this song pulled up that wasn't on my favorites.

How can you miss someone you've never met?

I looked around this airport terminal. How many of us have these fast paced lives like I do? Who's going through heart break, who's falling in love? Who's just a tired parent who wants to find themselves again? Me. Ireland just has a calming peace to it, and I began to wonder about their stories. As I was pulling out my journal to document what I was feeling in the moment, I happened to glance over and noticed a guy reading a book.

He didn't know me and I didn't know him but I recognized the book. Dune By: Frank Herbert. It's a classic Sci-Fi book, that truthfully I only read because of a guy I had a crush on in the past. I wanted to become relatable, and have something to talk about. However I couldn't get past the first 3 chapters and set it down. Sci-Fi I realized was definitely not my thing, and once I realized finally that Alex was married I immediately shoved it in a box and the rest was history.

Once we boarded the plane reality began to set in. I was on my way to Ireland. As everyone was shuffling into their places the stewardess came over and asked if I was willing to switch seats with an older gentleman who wanted to be with his wife. Honestly it didn't matter to me- but it sure made him happy.

"Thank you miss! It's my wife Bev and I's 50th anniversary!" He gloated and smiled. They were that couple who was short as could be. But they looked like their souls never aged. Just super madly in love with each other.

"Oh how wonderful!" The stewardess exclaimed as she clapped her hands together. Her bright red lipstick just made her look so put together. "Well I hope you both have a wonderful flight." She looked at me, "Ma'am you are over there on the end at 27 C."

I craned my neck around, and to my surprise my new flight buddy was the guy and his Dune book. I sat as calmly as I could be to not disturb him, and once our flight took off that was it. Ireland here I come.

"Do you even like that book?" I looked up mid-sentence. I was rereading Dune for the 5th time in my life, because the first 3 books are amazing, and then after that it's kind of a lot to follow.

We were going into air space and I could tell out of nervousness she struck up a conversation. Maybe out of distraction, maybe out of curiosity either way there was a girl clutching her journal and a vanilla latte from Starbucks in her hand. She looked kindly at me through these piercing blue eyes. They had hints of gray, and I noticed as quickly as she struck up the conversation she looked away. Her cheeks flushed, and nervously she looked around the plane for anything to distract herself with.

I set down the worn copy of Dune, and I looked at her. Honey blonde strands of hair were falling out of a messy bun. Her yoga pants probably saw better days and her nails were a shade of teal. I glanced in the direction she was looking at, it was the older guy that she switched seats with.

After a long pause I tapped her hand, she glanced at me. I nodded in the direction of that couple, "You know I wonder what the secret is to their marriage lasting?"

She sort of shrugged, and pulled down her tray table. She had this journal and when it fell open a picture fluttered down by my feet. I picked it up only to find a little brown haired and brown eyed girl staring back at me. She embarrassingly chuckled.

"I think this might be important." I said as she became kind of wide eyed.

She took the photo, and opened the front of her journal and slid it in it's spot. After a long pause she said, "That's my Daughter Enola."

"She's cute," I said.

I never had any kids of my own, but I always liked the idea of being a father. My parents always wondered why I never settled down, but my B&B ended up taking off and it seemed like I just never had the time to find someone. I wasn't new to travel, I traveled all the time looking for business partners and investors to help keep the B&B afloat. Ireland was my home but I was determined to make a place where others could go and create memories of their own. Just like that couple who was celebrating their anniversary. Most of the people who were on this plane were tourists going to explore, but this was home to me. I was going home.

She was quiet. Eventually she tucked in her AirPods and continued to write. Every now and again when I finally did pick up Dune, I wondered what she was writing about. She had a focused look on her, and would bite her lip when she was in deep thought. Eventually once she finished her coffee she got up to stretch. She had closed up her journal and laid it on the seat next to me, and there was writing on the bottom I hadn't noticed before. "H.E"

As she came back she looked at me and smiled. "I asked." She sat down like a grade school kid with a secret just waiting to bust at the seams to tell everyone.

"Ah?" I said smiling, "And what might that be?"

"Adventure." She simply stated.

We both glanced at them, they reminded me of that Disney Movie Up. Not the sad parts about them loosing a baby or his house floating with a bunch of balloons, just the blissful in between moments. Just creating memories, all before life starts getting in the way.

We had a long flight ahead, around 18 hours and so it wasn't long that she fell asleep. Neither of us paid for the fancy seats where you could lay out. This flight was a cramped budget flight for those who barely scraped together change to even dust off that passport. To me saving money on plane tickets was more important so I could funnel the money back into the B&B.

Eventually the cabin went dark and night fell upon us. Some people were watching movies, occasionally a small child would start crying. But for the most part quiet, that is until the girl next to me laid her head on my shoulder. I felt this jolt of a emotion course through me. I know she didn't mean anything by this, she was knocked out cold. But it had been so long since another person had embraced me. I sort of forgot what that felt like. I didn't know what to do though. I was wearing my business suit, and I was dressed for any meeting.

I was always just on the move, but my brain couldn't shut off. It was just about how do we keep things running and bills. Something as simple as physical touch was so foreign. She smelt amazing though, waves of vanilla lingered the longer she stayed. I didn't mind it. There was something so comforting about reading a book and having her wrapped up next to me.

Eventually I finished Dune. It was that long of a flight, and she was still asleep about 5 hours later. I realized what time it was, on the East Coast my iWatch told me it was 11 PM. We were scheduled to land in the afternoon in Ireland, and we were well over the Atlantic Ocean. It was dark outside, just the occasional blinking lights on the wings of the airplane. I was debating on flipping up a movie when I felt her move. She nestled into my chest further adjusting herself into a more permanent sleep like state.

Deadpool, Grease, Little Mermaid. Where's all the good shit?

Eventually I settled on Deadpool, oldie but a goodie. I threw in my headphones, and next thing I knew I went from silence to explosives. I don't know when I fell asleep because the next thing I knew the credits were rolling, and a very sleepy girl turned into a highly embarrassed woman.

"Did I miss something?" She said rubbing her eyes and yawning.

I looked around the plane and it was silent. I began to yawn out nowhere, and we laughed. "No honestly, you sort of just fell asleep. I didn't want to wake you up, so I just let you be."

She smiled this sheepish smile. "Thanks for not being a dick about things."

Eventually she got up to use the bathroom, and I got up to stretch. When she finally did come back, neither of us embraced each other again. In the moment it was like two random strangers who sort of just needed a moment to be reminded of what it was like to have the world stop. And come to think of it, I hadn't slept that good in a long time. It was a deep sleep, deeper than the inky black skies that were slowly starting to wake up outside.

Eventually the crew came around the cabin and offered us breakfast, and because it was an American based flight, it was all American food. Real talk who's idea was it to layer gravy over biscuits anyway? I kept it basic, eggs some sausage links, and some wheat toast. She was so simple- Fruit Loops.

"Cereal?" I asked her jokingly "No wonder you Americans have such high dental bills, your teeth are falling out with your breakfast."

She laughed, "I actually just miss my daughter and this is her favorite cereal."

Eventually I began to pull out my notepad and began writing a To-Do list for all the things that needed to occur when I got back to the B&B and before I knew it, we were landing.

Once we touched the ground the captain came over head.

Well good afternoon ladies and gentleman, the time is 4 PM here in beautiful Dublin, Ireland. The sun is shining with a high of 63 degrees. Please keep your seatbelts fastened, and your phones on airplane mode and we will get you going soon. Welcome to Ireland.

Click

Eventually we pulled up to the gate of Dublin Ireland, and we were let off to get our bags. As we walked through the airport we all single filed over to customs and one by one they let us through stamping our passports. We made our way outside and the fresh air, reality. A reminder it was back to business as usual. Eventually my cab came around and as I was loading my duffle in the back, I noticed a lavender purple backpack catch my eye. It was her.

I motioned for the driver to stand-by. As I jogged over, I noticed she was attempting to fix all her flyaway strands in her messy bun. "Hey stranger!"

She immediately flashed a smile, "Missed me already?"

Not that I was being weird but I had to ask, "So where are you off to?"

She paused, and looked down at her gray Toms slip ons, "Anywhere and everywhere. Ireland is presently my Oyster. You?"

Tourist. Just like I called it.

"I am going back to work." I paused and looked directly in her eyes, "Can I see you again?"

What are you doing?

I don't pursue anyone, this girl is going to be here for a while and then bounce like everyone else does. What was I doing? All this girl did was accidentally fell asleep on my shoulder and now I'm running towards her like a desperate little puppy. My mouth went on full autopilot and I was just watching the show unfold before me.

"How about this, I will leave it to the universe. If we are meant to find each other again while I'm here then it will naturally happen on it's own."

She literally just played me.

"Can I at least know your name?" She looked at me and began to open the door to the cab. As she entered all I heard was, "Hannah Elizabeth". Without further delay, drove off into her adventure. I watched her turn around in the back seat and wave, and that was it. Nothing more, than a memory. What are the odds that I would actually run into her again.

I finally made it! It felt like that was the longest plane ride of my life, but I arrived. The name was Serenity House, and it was this cute little cottage. Tucked away near Keem beach 10 minutes walking distance. My plans were simple, I wasn't doing touristy things. I was here to sit secluded in Ireland with no distractions. Castles might be cool and all but I was here for one thing, good food and writing.

When my cab got me here I had realized I sort of didn't book this correctly. My B&B ended up being 4 hours away from the airport! But what's to say adventures don't have random beginnings? When I walked away my cab was over $400 US dollars. I about died inside, how could I have not noticed this in the beginning? Luckily my driver was super nice, and cut some of the fare off.

I stepped out of the car, and to my surprise it looked exactly like the photos. It was worn down. It had a bright red front door, and there was sprawling green fields everywhere. You could tell there was not a Starbucks or Target in sight. Just simplicity. As I walked towards the door I saw a sign on the right that said Serenity House Est. 1943 on a bronze plaque. I looked around but I barely saw any cars. Did this guy just drop me off in the middle of nowhere?

I knocked on the door and to my surprise a woman in her 40's immediately answered. She looked like she was baking because flour seemed to coat every inch of her in some capacity.

"Oh dear! You must be Hannah, are you checking in?" No ID checks here, definitely something I am not used too. I nodded and she ushered me in. What a cute little cottage! Everything looked like it belonged to my Grandma, with floral couches to hardwood floors covered in maroon carpet runners. There was stained glass in multiple windows in patterns of Lily's. The stair case had dark stained wood, and cream colored walls. As I was looking around observing my surroundings I saw this amazing old arm chair. It was more of a recliner that I felt like you could set your feet up in after a long walk at the beach. I immediately lost my train of thought to a clanging noise. It sounded like an old baking pan hitting the ground.

"Hannah dear, could you please come help me in the kitchen?" The innkeeper called out to me. To my surprise there was even more flour everywhere. She was baking to feed an army, but I was confused where everyone was.

"Are you okay?" I asked puzzled, as she was holding a loaf of bread in her apron. Freshly baked and it smelled delicious.

"I'm fine but the eggs got away from me." Nodding over in the general direction of the eggs splattered on the floor. "I was getting things ready when I lost my balance. I had a dizzy spell and before you knew it I was seeing spots and fell on my arse." She started laughing. "You have to know how to laugh at yourself, that's how you grow old. You learn to love in humility, knowing you are not perfect."

I spent a good chunk of the afternoon helping her clean the kitchen. We cooked and she taught me how to make homemade bread and Irish Stew. The kitchen wafted of beef, carrots, and other vegetables in broth. I slowly realized my inability and lack of knowledge when it came to spices in food. "My parents never taught me how to use spices in cooking, can you teach me?"

She laughed, "The American girl is asking for cooking advice. When did women stop teaching the next generation how to feed people? Cooking is an act of service and love my dear. How can you expect to carry on the traditions?" The answer is because it was never taught. My mother was plainly put, very absent. She worked a lot, and it wasn't until I married into my ex husband's family that I learned some basic cooking skills.

"Tell you what, if you help me in the kitchen daily I will teach you what I know for the remainder of your trip." I got nervous, this isn't like any other hotel I had ever been to. But I also wasn't looking for a traditional journey, I just heard the inner voice say just go with it.

"You aren't the first and you aren't the last to be recruited, what do ya say?" She smiled a toothy grin and I nodded. What's the worst that could happen? I come away with some tools.

Eventually we cleaned up. We scrubbed that place top to bottom with an old metal bucket, wooden brush and some soap. It literally felt like something you would see in Cinderella. All that was missing were the little mice in small sweaters. Once we sat down my mouth was watering! Everything got to simmer, and I felt like I truly earned a home cooked meal. To my surprise I heard a gaggle of people pop through the front door.

I followed Rose out of the swinging kitchen door, and noted 9 figures. They had matching shirts and looked like they came from an awesome day at the beach. Immediately the younger boy who looked about 14 sniffed the air. "Rose that smells amazing! What is it?" He had red checks and wind blown red hair. His ears were almost too big for his head, and a smile that almost didn't fit his face.

"Go wash up now, all of ya! You can't sit at the table until soap hits your skin! Go on!" Without argument, none of the group seemed to waste time. Eventually 45 minutes later they all seemed to run down stairs and were greeted with bowls of the stew and fresh rolls!

We all sat laughing, and talking about our cultural differences. The boys were all from Scotland on holiday! Mostly chatted about Football which to us is known as soccer here in America. Truthfully there was something so simplistic about getting to know a complete stranger, when all the sudden I heard foot steps approaching behind me.

"Uncle Ronan!" All the younger boys screamed. I turned around and to my surprise and his, it was the man I embarrassingly fell asleep on my flight. I felt this immediate rush of red in my cheeks and ears, it felt like I was on fire. How could he have this impact on me? I literally never thought in a million years I would see this man again.

"Ronan, my dear when did you get in?" Ronan seemed to walk gracefully around the table and managed to hug or kiss every single person in the inn, this time in jeans and a zip up gray hoodie. Once he came upon Rose, she proudly stood up and wrapped her arm around his back. He was tall, like 6'2" kind of tall, with a disconnect hair cut perfectly faded and green eyes.

"Ronan this is our guest-" he cut off his mom.

"Ah yes, Hannah Elizabeth. It's a pleasure, welcome to our home." He smiled this perfect warm smile, the same one he flashed at the airport when he picked up the photo of Enola. "It looks like the Universe did want us to meet."

Confused Rose looked at Ronan, "Whatever do you mean?"

"Mom we sat next to each other on the plane, I just had no idea I would be seeing her here that's all." He paused and looked at me, "Looks like you flew into the wrong airport huh?"

I blushed because he knew what I knew- $400 down the drain. "Something like that." I spouted back. I had to get it together, I was so nervous and he was so calm and collected. For the remainder of the night we drank red wine, and let our stomachs lull us into a sleepy peace. Eventually one by one all the guests filed upstairs until it was Rose, Ronan, and I.

"Did you get your key?" Ronan asked as he was stoking the fire in the fire place.

I proceeded to sit in the arm chair wrapping a blanket around me. I didn't realize at night how chilly it would get. The house was old and not well insulated due to the ocean air creeping its way through the cracks and crevasses. "No not yet, but that's because I was helping Rose in the kitchen all day."

Ronan shook his head chuckling, "That woman will recruit you to work your entire trip if you are not careful. Remember this is your time off, you are in no way obligated to help."

He shuffled over to what looked like a front desk area and grabbed an old skeleton key. Number 6 sprawled on a small tag hanging from a ribbon attached. "It's getting late and the time change is going to probably suck for awhile, why don't you go get some sleep I'll show you around tomorrow."

I got up and grabbed my backpack and the blanket and followed him upstairs. No lie as much as I wanted to sit and talk with him, my body craved a hot shower and a mattress. We came across a long hallway with 13 rooms total. He stopped in front of my door and handed me the key. As I unlocked it exhaustion started hitting my body all at once as I crossed the threshold to my room.

There was a queen sized bed with white fluffy blankets and pillows. It looked really modern compared to the rest of the inn. It looked like they were trying to slowly modernize the place. It was your basic hotel with a desk and a wooden chair. Hooks on the walls to hang your clothes. As I walked around I finally came across what was the most old school bathroom set up, with a clawfoot tub. I was shocked, I always saw these in movies but I never got the chance to see one in real life.

"Look," he waved at me to come over. The sun was almost set, with reds filling the sky when I saw the ocean. I felt at peace like I finally was there, and I was present in the moment lost in thought with Ronan. Eventually he awkwardly left the room and I was finally alone.

I immediately stripped off my clothes and ran the hottest bath I could. I swear my muscles ached and screamed because I hadn't been in a real level of comfort. I was loosing track of time here. I wasn't checking my phone, I was just in the moment. I thought about Enola, seeing those kids reminded me of how much I missed my own baby.

I grabbed the soap, it was lavender and imported from France. I don't know how long I sat there, but I soaked until I looked like a raisin. Eventually I toweled off and threw on fresh clothes, feeling like a whole new person. No makeup, just me. As I was about to hop into bed I heard those familiar steps approaching closer to my door. I stood still, as my heart raced, and I found myself biting my lip, when I heard a knock at the door. Wet hair and all I answered.

The only words out of his mouth were "Hannah Elizabeth." With one quick motion, he stepped into my room shut the door. While slowly tracing my jaw line with his thumb he breathed a nervous breath and said,"We really need to talk."

I didn't give him a chance to say anything else all I could get out was, "Later."