Effie & Simon

"Hold still, horsey," she said in that little voice, "Mine going to get on, okay?" Lorelai patted my cheek, and I snorted. Then, gripping handfuls of my t-shirt, she climbed up onto my back and jigged up and down. I moved obediently forward, early morning dew soaking my hands and knees. Her glittering pink wellies swayed harmlessly either side of my ribs, and her giggles poured like sunshine. "Go, Uncle Horsey, go! Faster!"

Obedient to her whims, I tried a faster shuffle, conscious of every wobble above and behind me. It was entirely on her to stay balanced on my back, and she was never the careful sort.

I remember it like it was yesterday.

People say you forget what that toddler voice sounds like. The same as when a loved one dies. That memory dissolves oh so slowly, so gradually that you don't notice it's happening. Until one day you realise it's gone, and the realisation bruises your heart.

I prod the memory every day to make sure it's intact.

Go on, Uncle Horsey. Gee up!

Good grief, if Lonnie have seen that, he'd have had a field day. Gross, really, how he could sexualise something so innocent. With Effie stood right there, too, smiling at her daughter. I don't think he really believed I'd done anything, or that I would, even. He just hated me that much. He wanted to ruin me. I'm not sure why.

It's fine. I hated him that much as well. There are some depths I won't stoop to, that's all. Some depths I don't have the resources to stoop to, of course.

"Where's your phone?" Effie wanted to know.

"In the house," I panted, and tried not to wince. My back was killing me. I pushed my glasses back up my nose.

"Good," she said. "The last round of testing went brilliantly. The next step is to try it on a person."

"What?!"

I would have jerked round in shock, except that would have toppled my niece onto the ground. I forced myself to stay still and steady.

They were going to put a person through a portal into another world?

I had no idea the testing had gone so far.

There are other worlds out there. He's confirmed it. He's spearheaded the biggest scientific breakthrough of our lives, maybe of all time, and he's going to ruin everything. I can just feel it.

"Horsey's tired, Lorelai," I said. "Time for some hay or something and go back in the stable, okay?"

Lorelai jigged some more, and her left wellie caught me in the hip, but when I didn't move another inch, she did climb down. Meticulously, she mimed bringing the reins down over my head, and held out one pink palm, flat and empty. This kid was probably going to have a pony on her next birthday. I'd bet my teeth on it.

"It's a sugar lump," she informed me helpfully.

"Nom nom nom," I said, making sure my lips didn't touch her skin.

"Grown-up talk, now, Lorelai," Effie said, in what she thought passed for a stern tone. She wouldn't elaborate on the technology, or the testing, in front of her daughter. Can't be too careful. That's what she kept saying.

What a joke.

Lorelai changed tack.

"Lorelai, darling, why don't you go and watch cartoons? We'll come and make you a snack."

The little girl scampered off into the house. We dawdled behind, keeping our voices low.

"Who is he going to test it on? This can't be ethical."

"Prisoners, mostly," she said, her eyebrows raised. "They'll be volunteering, and signing an NDA. Perfectly legal and above board."

I thought of the Nile Perch introduced into Lake Victoria, and, closer to home, the horrible grey squirrels that spread disease among the native reds.

"Sure," I said, unable to keep from sarcasm, "What could possibly go wrong?"

"It'll be fine. They're being very selective, he's got a whole task force on it. Nobody too dangerous."

Huh. Too dangerous. There is one "too dangerous" person I would very much like to push out of this world completely. Let some other poor bastards deal with him.

"Why can't he test it himself?" The words spilled out before I could stop them, and Effie scowled.

"Don't be ridiculous."

Once our phones were stashed in the safe box on the patio, and Lorelai was installed within sight in front of the television with Princess Bunny, we retreated to the kitchen. Effie perched at the breakfast counter while I poured juice and made a sandwich. Cheese with cheese and onion crisps in, and the crusts cut off. I always had to hold my breath because I hate the smell. I squashed them flat, the way she likes, and cut up an apple.

"You spoil her," Effie said, sounding amused. "Is there any coffee?"

It is not, in my opinion, spoiling a child to give her fruit, or to present food in a way she likes so that she eats well and the food isn't wasted. But what do I know. I'm not a parent. Spoiling, though, one could argue Effie is certainly the expert in that.

I kept these grumblings to myself while I started the coffee machine. I was boiling the kettle for a cup of tea, but Effie would ice skate over a lake full of crocodiles before she drank instant.

"What do you know about these volunteers?" I asked.

"He was looking at some candidates in Colarado or somewhere, but the security risk is too high."

"Murderers?"

"No. Hackers. Looked at Dartmoor as well, lots of non-violent options there. But they're being rehabilitated, so..."

So they have something to lose. They will never agree to something so risky. Not if they have a hope here.

"Would you do it?" Effie asked.

"Me?" I hadn't expected that. I thought about it. The chance to travel to another world? Test truly world changing tech? Make history? Be famous? Have kids learn about me in school in a hundred years?

I peeked round the fridge and into the living room. One cheese and crisp sandwich was paused in mid-air, Lorelai's eye's transfixed on the screen.

I have plenty to lose.

"No. No, I don't think so."

"Really? You're so into, you know, computers and science and all that sort of thing. You're not even a little curious?"

"Oh, I'm certainly curious," I said, laughing a little. "I'm just not suicidal."

"Well, like I said, he has a whole task force working on it, so I'm sure they'll find a suitable volunteer soon. Isn't it exciting?"

"Yes, it is." This much I can admit. That man is an arsehole, no doubt about it, but if he actually achieves this... if he actually manages to pull this off... Well. It won't be him, will it? Some other clever people actually make the breakthroughs, and the man with the money attaches his name to them.

"Very exciting."

Thank you for reading!

I have a new dollar challenge up as of yesterday:

And here are the previous stories about Effie & Simon:

Part 1:

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Part 2:

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Part 3:

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Part 4:

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Part 5:

Part 6, I think: