Driving Lesson

Emily cranks up the volume and sways in time with the music. As the song reaches the chorus, she accompanies the lead singer and tunelessly pledges that she’ll also: “Walk, walk, walk across the world just to be with you…”

That probably isn’t true, reflects Emily, as she kills the sound and changes down a gear to negotiate a tight bend. She hates walking.

Keeping her left hand on the steering wheel, she sticks her other arm out of the window and enjoys the warm sun on her skin. This weather won’t last, she sighs. English summers are so treacherous.

As she passes through the forest, the sunlight flickers through the trees casting dark shadows across the road. She switches on her lights and is suddenly aware how slow the car in front is travelling. She squints and leans closer to the windscreen. Is it even moving?

She’s almost caught up to the black people carrier when it swerves to the right and then takes off at speed. Idiot she curses.

But as she rounds the next bend, she realizes the other vehicle is only just ahead of her. It weaves across the center line before lurching back again. Are they drunk? Emily taps her brakes and slows down. She doesn’t want to be anywhere near this driver.

The people carrier accelerates and strays across the center line. Emily blasts her horn. She’s sick of irresponsible motorists. The vehicle straightens momentarily, but then, almost in slow motion, it fishtails violently, and disappears down the embankment into the forest below.

Emily’s car shudders to a halt. Her hands are shaking so much that she can barely unfasten her seat belt. As she half runs, half slides down the slope, she sees the people carrier wedged upright against a tree. The front of the car is a crumpled, hissing mass of metal and Emily picks her way through a trail of splintered plastic and glass.

It’s not until she’s a few feet away that she notices the partially torn sticker on the side of the car: “Alexandria Andrews – Mobile Dog Groomer.”

Emily turns pale and doesn’t move. It must be a coincidence. There must be loads of people with that name. It’s not that unusual. Although now she’s closer and can see the driver, the wavey brown hair looks familiar. Emily wipes away a bead of sweat. She feels sick. It can’t be her. It just can’t.

She steps closer and peers through the shattered window. It is her! Emily trembles and squeezes her eyes shut. There’s no way she’ll ever forget Alexandria Andrews. The girl who would laugh at her and call her names before pinning her up against the lockers and stealing her lunch money. No. She’ll never forget Alexandria Andrews. The girl who made her dread every single day of high school.

Emily backs away from the car. She won’t stay. She can’t. She glances over her shoulder and back up towards the road. No other cars have passed. Nobody’s even seen her here. She’ll just drive away and pretend she hasn’t seen anything.

Emily doesn’t move. Her gaze remains locked on the woman slumped over the steering wheel in the mangled wreck. Her face is deathly pale and blood oozes from a deep gash on her forehead.

Emily takes another step back, then stops.

She can’t do it.

Shaking her head, she reaches for her phone in the back pocket of her jeans. There’s only one bar of reception. Hopefully it’ll be enough.

******************************

The ambulance is on its way. She’s done her duty. But as much as Emily wants to leave, she knows she can’t. She takes a tentative step towards the car and eases the buckled driver’s door open. Alexandria doesn’t move.

Emily wishes she’d paid more attention in the first aid course at work. She feels out of her depth. She leans into the car and gently places two fingers on the woman’s neck. She feels a faint pulse.

As Emily moves her hand away, Alexandria’s eyes flutter open. She reaches up and delicately touches her head. She looks surprised when she brings her hand back down and sees that it’s covered in blood.

“You’ve been in a car accident, Alexandria,” said Emily lowering herself next to the car door. “I’ve phoned for an ambulance. They shouldn’t be long now I hope.”

The voice startles Alexandria and she slowly turns to look at Emily. “How do you know who I am?”

“Well, the sticker on the side of your car was a bit of a giveaway,” said Emily, lightly. “But we were also in the same class at King Henry’s.”

Alexandria presses her face against the steering wheel. “Same class?” she said slowly, before closing her eyes.

Emily bites her bottom lip. Alexandria doesn’t look good. Where the hell is the ambulance, it’s taking forever. But as she pulls her phone out of her pocket to check the time, she realizes that it’s only been a few minutes since she called 999.

“Same class…?” said Alexandria weakly, lifting her head off the steering wheel. She peers out though one eye. “Wait… Emily? Emily Jacobs… Is that you? You look so different… You’ve had your hair cut!”

“It’s been 12 years since we left school! I’ve had several haircuts since then!”

“No, I meant…”

Emily interrupts her, self-consciously pulling at her fringe: “I prefer my hair shorter now. I’m not the same person I was at school.”

Alexandria shifts in her seat and grimaces: “I can’t believe it’s been that long since we left school. What have you been up to?”

Emily ignores her and eases herself up from her crouched position by the car door. There’s no way she’s going to share anything about her life since school. Not with her. She stares up at the road. As soon as the ambulance gets here, she’s leaving.

“Well, you look like you’ve done ok for yourself,” said Alexandria. “I’m guessing it was you in the silver Mercedes behind me?”

Emily stays silent and chews at her fingernails, something she hasn’t done in years. How can she explain that she’d only chosen it because she thought it was a suitable car for an accountant. She’d secretly wanted a motorbike, but then dismissed the idea just as quickly.

Now she thinks about it, she’s always been scared to have fun… scared to let anyone see what she was really like.

“Are you going to keep on ignoring me?” said Alexandria, her question slicing through Emily’s thoughts. “You could at least…”

“I’m not ignoring you!” snaps Emily. “I just don’t have anything to say to you. I only stopped because I saw your car swerve off the road. You were all over the place! What were you doing?”

“I was trying to check the address for my next appointment when I dropped my phone in the footwell. I was trying to pick it up.”

“You should have just pulled over! So stupid!”

“Well, I didn’t! I was worried about being late. I guess that’s the least of my worries now.” She winces and shuts her eyes as she attempts to move her trapped leg.

Emily exhales loudly and slumps back down on the ground: “Are you in a lot of pain Alexandria?”

“Alex. Call me Alex. I haven’t been called Alexandria since school. I feel like I’m going to be sent to the headteacher’s office when people call me that!”

Emily doesn’t smile: “You should know.”

The two women glare at each other and fall silent. Emily leans back against the car door and listens to the wind whispering through the leaves. As she looks up at the trees, she watches an airplane fly noiselessly overhead. She wishes she was on that plane heading somewhere – anywhere – away from here.

“I wasn’t especially nice to you at school, was I?” said Alex quietly. “I’m sorry, I…”

Emily clenches her jaw: “WHY?” she thumps her fist on the car door. “I just don’t get why you picked on me. I hadn’t done anything to you…”

“I was...It was… It’s not easy to explain.”

“Oh, don’t bother. It’s not like I’m expecting you to be any different from school,” said Emily rubbing her face with her hands. “Hopefully after today I won’t have to run into you again for at least another 12 years.”

Alex breathes in and out slowly. The pain in her chest feels like it’s getting worse. She can’t believe it’s Emily who found her. She’s often thought of her over the years. Usually in the early hours of the morning when she can’t sleep, and her thoughts shift uncomfortably to her past. She feels a prickle of shame. She treated Emily so badly. She wants to explain. Make her understand. But she doesn’t know where to start.

***********************************

“I didn’t think we’d stay. We didn’t usually,” said Alex so quietly, it’s little more than a whisper.

“What are you talking about? What’s that got to do with anything?” said Emily as she folds her arms across her chest and scowls.

“Please! Please Emily. Let me finish. Let me try and explain…”

Alex turns round in the vehicle as far as she can. She stretches out to touch Emily on the shoulder, but the other woman flinches and moves out of reach. Sighing, Alex moves her hand away.

“I’d lost count of the number of schools that I’d been to by the time I got to King Henry’s. Every time my mum split up with a boyfriend or changed her job, we’d be on the move,” said Alex.

“I hated starting over each time. I hated being the new girl. I was always being picked on because I never fitted in. Never had the proper school uniform.”

“So instead of getting bullied, you decided to become the bully? What a load of rubbish!”

“It’s true!” said Alex loudly, smacking her hand on the dashboard. Suddenly she feels quite dizzy. She leans forward and rests her head against the steering wheel. Maybe closing her eyes for a few minutes will help.

Alex carefully raises her head and sees that Emily is staring anxiously at her and biting her bottom lip. Alex breathes out slowly and in a faint voice says: “My mum was never home. She was either out at work or down the pub. I hardly ever saw her.

"I’m sure being able to do whatever you like sounds like a dream to most teenagers, but I was so lonely.

“I think mum just expected to fend for myself and get my own meals. And that would’ve been fine if there’d ever been any food in the house…”

Alex breaks off and gazes into the distance. She sees herself as a teenager crouched on the top step waiting for her mum to come home. Listening for the key in the lock followed by drunken laughter and the sound of doors slamming. She’d loiter in the kitchen doorway until her mum noticed and screamed at her to clear off and get to her room.

“When your parents came into school to complain about me, I was jealous! You had people that genuinely cared for you,” said Alex. “I hated that I had nobody...”

“… Apart from that bunch of girls who would hang round with you!” said Emily cutting her off. “They were almost as vicious as you. Hiding my sports kits or my textbooks. I dreaded every single day.” She glowers at Alex who looks down and can’t quite meet her eyes.

“I am genuinely sorry. Really, I am. They weren’t even my friends. Not really. They just didn’t want to get on the wrong side of me,” said Alex. “I just wanted someone, anyone to notice me and see that I needed help. And I did try to make things up with you? Do you remember that term when we were lab partners? But you wouldn’t even look at me let alone talk.”

“Can you blame me?” said Emily shaking her head. “I was scared it was just another one of your games and you’d end up doing something mean again.

"I tried to become invisible in the hope you’d leave me alone. You made me feel so weak and pathetic. And because of that, I seem to have spent my entire life terrified to let anyone get close to me. I can’t trust anyone.

“Have you got any idea what it’s like to live your whole life in the shadows, scared to join in?”

“I’m sorry. I regret everything I did to you. I can’t say it enough. I wish I could make it right. I do,” said Alex, struggling to get each word out.

“That’s why I’m telling you now. I want you to know that it wasn’t your fault. It was nothing to do with you…” Alex shivers and breathes out slowly: “I’m so cold Emily.”

Emily doesn’t like how pale Alex looks. She’s ashen and her skin is clammy. Jumping up, she hurries towards the embankment. “I’m sure I’ve got a blanket in my car. I’ll be right back, she said, calling over her shoulder.

Alex’s eyes are closed when she returns to the car. Emily gently tucks the blanket round her shoulders, but Alex hardly stirs. “It’ll be okay, the ambulance can’t be far off now,” she said distractedly chewing on her bottom lip.

“I wish you’d confided in someone about what was going on at home. Or told a teacher. Maybe you could have gone to live somewhere different,” said Emily.

Alex half opens an eye: “What a children’s home? Or foster care? Nah, that would have been even worse. I didn’t trust anyone back then either. Probably still don’t. Why do you think I work with dogs?”

Emily smiles and takes Alex’s hands between her own trying to rub some warmth into them. “I wish we had talked back then…”

“I’ve looked you up on Facebook several times over the years and thought about getting in touch, but I didn’t think you’d want to hear from me or even think about your schooldays much,” said Alex.

“Well, I wish you had,” said Emily, her eyes burning as she tries not to cry.

Alex replies, but her voice is so quiet that Emily can’t hear what she says. Oh god. Where is the ambulance? It’s taking them forever to get here. Please hurry up.

Emily clasps Alex’s hands. They’re still so cold. And her breathing is much shallower now too. Emily checks for a pulse. It’s there but very weak. Alex doesn’t move.

“Come on Alex! Don’t you dare give up. Do you hear me? Don’t you bloody dare give up now,” said Emily, the tears rolling down her cheeks. “Please don’t.”

Alex tries to lift her head off the steering wheel, but it’s too much effort. She briefly opens her eyes and gives Emily a crooked smile. She whispers something that Emily doesn’t catch.

As she moves her body nearer, Alex whispers: “I’m glad it was you that found me.”

Emily leans against the car door. She still has Alex’s hands clutched in hers. In the distance she hears the wail of sirens and watches as the blue lights get closer.