Dream wedding

She was an adventurous, outdoor loving person. He, the same. So it was no surprise that the two wanted me to officiate their wedding at the docks.

They were wrapped up in each others arms when we met up, baby-talking, eyelash fluttering and nuzzling noses, and as we talked about their needs and wants he finished her sentences and she finished his; a good thing as far as marrying couples go.

To be clear, they were cuddly but they weren't romantic-- at least as far as my notions of romance goes.  Then again, I am from a different school of thinking, so it should make sense that romance to me does not encompass the kind of visceral images that it does for others. 

They both wanted an intimate affair; ten to fifteen guests or so, flowers, music, rose petals and bubbles for guests to throw and blow-- the usual-- but I shot them my idea: a 'jackass' style wedding.

"Picture this," I began, and pretended like I was pitching a movie to a couple of network execs.  Pointing at the groom-to-be, I continued, "you, standing at the edge of a pier, feet attached to a wakeboard, hands clenched around a handle, attached to a rope which is attached to a speed boat, and you," I attended to the bride-to-be who was looking all coy, "skateboarding down the aisle to meet him.  Once you get there, we will replace your skateboard with a wakeboard that matches his and I will continue the wedding ceremony at the aft of the boat.  When all is said and done, you two will kiss, I will start up the engines and the two of you will take a ride together into the sunset as a start of your life's journey."

"I don't know about that idea," she mumbled.

"No."  He said, flatly.

"What don't you like about it?" I asked them. 

"All of it."  They replied in stereo.

"Don't you want an adventure?" I couldn't hide my disappointment.

"Marriage is an adventure." Again, in stereo.

"Really?" I was gently nudging.  "Okay, fine.  But could I interest you in some flames, or some firecrackers or at least a little person or some wild outfits for you and your wedding party-- I feel like everyone needs a little 'jackass' in their lives."

I swear that right then she said, "you are a little jackass."

"You know," he said loudly so his voice could deliberately top hers, "if you weren't my sister I wouldn't use you.  I wouldn't.  But I'm-- we're just not into that stuff.  We don't want over the top.  We want a wedding that is romantic.  Something we can look back at and be proud of, not a joke that we will regret."

"I know but you two are such a funny and cute (barf, I said it) and adventurous couple and I think it would be good and memorable and romantic if you did something funny, and cute, and adventurous."

She gave him that look.  Stern and hard, like a gargoyle.  "Mom said," he mumbled into her ear, "that we have to use her or we won't get all that money she talked about for our wedding."

She grew a fake smile and whispered through her fake teeth, "how much again?"

"Seventeen thousand dollars."  He said softly, through a tiny hole at the corner of his mouth.

"Come on," I rubbed my hands together, "give me at least one element and I'll let you choose the rest."

They agreed.  They chose to use the pier that led to her father's chartered fishing boat as the aisle; covered it in red carpeting, brought in several different species of flowers and ferns and a few potted palms to dress the dock up.  It was intimate, guests threw pink and white rose petals at her feet as she walked to meet him, and blew bubbles as the two strolled down the aisle as man and wife.  There were no lions, no circus performers or firecrackers or flames but there was one little person, who was personally hired by me as a photographer. 

Not the 'jackass' wedding I dreamed of for a brother who beat me up my entire childhood and a two faced sister-in-law who tried to take my place of 'the daughter' in my own family, but a finale I can accept.  I wish them both a happy life.

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© M. Lee / All Rights Reserved.