Despair and Desolation under the Gemini Stars

In her chest there are two holes. Rather than an absence of something it is instead a heavy presence, a burden so obviously seen by the drag in her slender shoulders, the hollows under her eyes and the stooping of her posture. One hole she named Despair, the other is named Desolation. Despair nestled into the girl’s heart at an early age, first shaking hands with her in her elder child years. It fills the void that was created when her family perished from sickness.

For many a year I have watched her from afar as she comes to stand on the edge of the city wall overlooking the shifting dunes of sand to the North. I remember fondly when she was but a child standing on her toes to peer over the edge. On my evening walks I would see her in her usual perch, cheeks glowing and eyes alight with wonder at the expansive world beyond our safe walls - brown sand and blue skies as far as the eye could see.

Her twin brother always joined her on their birthday in the warmer weeks leading into the hot season. He was responsible for carrying the small woven basket filled with almond cookies made by their mother to celebrate their aging. I wished them well in their younger years and their small mouths full of sweets always gaped as I walked by them, my bangles clanging around my wrists and ankles seeming to hypnotize them. They were too young to know to bow in my presence and their shock at seeing me always made me want to laugh. As they grew older they would dip their heads in reverence but sometimes they were so enthralled by their own stories that they didn’t notice me approach.

These were the most precious birthdays I spent with them as I would catch slivers of the grand tales they told one and other of discovery and adventure across the famed oceans they heard rumor of. They made a promise to each other to leave our city and sail across the waters one day.

I would never see her brother again. It would be months before her return to the wall. When I did spy her standing on the North wall with her soft white dress blowing about her legs, it was clear to me that she was thinner. Her cheeks were no longer rosey with glee but glistening with tears after her greeting with Despair.

Our once great city is only an empty husk of what it once was and the poor girl has suffered a similar fate. My neighbors, friends and family have been taken from me by the plague as they have been taken from her. Unlike me, she hasn’t been able to recover her quickness of mind, her warm smile or her generosity. Everything of value has already been taken from her; she has nothing left to give.

As I moved behind her on my usual evening stroll, as the sand shone golden in the setting sun, a year after the last day I saw her brother I noticed her cheeks were no longer wet with grief. She had felt the cold, lifeless touch of Desolation in her heart. Now years since then, the young woman is only a shadow of who she used to be, but even after all the years of company Desolation has brought her I can clearly see the gleam of curiosity in her tired eyes as she stares across the shivering dunes.

On this particular evening, I watch her twirl a tiny woven basket in her delicate hands, the secured lid keeping the contents from spilling. With a certainty and strength I haven’t seen from her before, she slaps the basket on the edge of the wall and begins to hike her dress up to lift her knee.

‘My dear girl, there is a gate you can use instead.’

Her slender arms flinch at the sound of my voice and she jerks into a standing position. Her soft pink lips part as if she is going to ask me a question but she clamps them shut, dipping her head into a bow.

‘My apologies.’

I wait for her to straighten again to meet my eyes but her head remains down as she holds still for me to continue walking.

‘That’s enough, there is no need for that anymore,’ I can hear the defeat in my own tone. ‘With so few of us left, I think we are family to each other, now.’

The girl looks up at me; the dark shadows of Desolation that usually hold her eyes are dimming. ‘It has been a long time since I have spoken to someone, apologies if I am ill-mannered.’

‘I, too, miss the simple act of conversation with another. Since my husband passed I have found our home very empty, like I might as well be stranded out there,’ I nod towards the sand.

‘I have always rather been out there. I used to think it was my chance at adventure, but just now I was hoping it might deliver me to . . .’

Her voice is so weak I can barely hear her but I am quick to see Despair rear its ugly head again, ripping and tearing at the already open wounds of her heart. She need not complete her sentence. It is well known that the desert brings Death.

The girl’s bottom lip begins to quiver and no matter how tight she clenches her jaw she can’t hide her fragility from me. Around me she did not need to fret about hiding her emotional state for I could see her inner strength which held her thin façade together. A sad smile touched my lips and I shook my head.

‘I can tell you what that desert brings you,’ I say, placing my hand over hers to steady her shaking. ‘That desert brings you a long life; longer than if you are to remain here. You will find arms as wide as the open blue sky to welcome you with love into the bosom of a nurturing home with children abound. The golden hills of sand bring you equally impressive mounds of wealth, but be careful not to find yourself lost in a storm and be buried beneath it. For each ripple across the largest dune you will find opportunities to grow and paths to take. No path will be the wrong path. The largest dune in the desert is looked favorably upon by Mercury and each ripple is a trail you can take and be rewarded with success. The Gemini stars will guide and protect you on your journey. But be cautious, while you will find love and wealth, you will also face confrontation. You will shed a tear for every grain of sand in the largest dune, but you must find resolve and see through your tears to continue. Overcoming this challenge will grant you strength you never knew you could possess and you will cast away Despair and Desolation from your heart becoming a warrior of the desert. To aid you on your journey, you should seek out companionship with those under the favor of the Aries and Leo stars. You will be in a hurry in the beginning of your expedition but surround yourself with the right support and they will teach you patience and endurance to better reach your goals. They will steady your flame, lest you burn too bright and extinguish.’

A focus holds her features still while she considers my words before a light illuminates her eyes and a smile fills her cheeks. She squares her shoulders and raises her chin to match my posture, filling her lungs with a deep cathartic breath.

‘It seems clear where I should go, then. Thank you. May I ask how do you know these things?’

‘Your basket,’ I take it gently into my hands. ‘You brought this filled with sweets with your brother on your birthdays. I know these things because it is the way of the world, the way of your birth. My husband taught me the secret of the stars and the destiny before us.’

‘Our King knew? Could he not have foreseen . . . pay me no mind. It is not my place to question him.’

‘He made his decisions with what information he had. What will you now do with what is laid before you?’

The girl turns her attention back to the wisps of sand flicked by the wind across the dunes and for the first time in what feels like an eternity, I see hope in her eyes.

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