Daughter.

The girl sighed as she stared defeatedly at the unremarkable ceiling over head. Gentle rays of light danced against the light blue walls of the room. The sun rose slowly in the sky, the beautiful mixes of oranges and yellows and pinks, replacing the black and navy of the night before. The girl ran a hand through her red hair. Another sleepless night had come and gone. Her chest rose and fell in a gentle rhythm as she contemplated doing it today.

Today would be perfect, the constant emotional war raging inside of her had all but ceased. She was so used to feeling everything all at once that she cherished the days where she was numb. She needed a break from herself. It was days like these where the weight of the world lifted from her shoulders just to find a new home on her chest, these were dangerous days. All the insecurities she felt every other day melted away as she became numb to the world. Glancing at the clock she read the numbers not once but twice before they clicked into place. She sighed. Not today. She was too tired today.

She pulled the blanket up to her chin before nozzeling into the fluffy pillow under her head. She still had a few hours to hide from the world and she planned to do just that.

Eventually she forced her exhausted body to a sitting position. She glanced around the dimly lit room and the thought crossed her mind again. She could do it today. She shook her head, clearing away the haze of ideas.

Her body protested her every single movement as she forced herself to stand and make her way over to the closet. She needed a shower but the thought of actually taking one was so overwhelming. She only had so much energy allotted for the day and showering would just use up too much of her reserve.

For a long time she glanced at the array of colorful clothing hung neatly by plastic hangers. She ran a hand through her tangled hair, this would be the extent of the energy she was going to use on her appearance. She thought for a moment that maybe she should wear something nice, something that would boast her fragile self esteem but the thought was gone as quickly as it came. She shook her head as she ripped the grey hoodie from the hanger. She shrugged it on followed by the black pair of sweatpants folded on the computer chair in her room. She glanced in the mirror and shook her head. It wasn't too late to do it. The majority of her family was still asleep. She sighed. No, she was going to throw her hair in this pony tail instead.

Slowly she descended the stairs. Her mother sat quietly at the table, a book in her hand. The blonde never looked up as the girl quietly moved herself into the room. She glanced at the immaculate room, her mother had put out fresh flowers and their smell wafted about the space.

She glanced at the fridge. For a moment she considered eating but the thought came and went just like all the others.

"Hi Mom," Her voice came out so quietly.

The women glanced up, looking over her glasses she stared at the girl.

"Selena , you are not wearing that out in public," She scoffed and the girl fidgeted before pulling the grey sleeve of her hoodie down over her hand.

She sighed, "I don't feel good."

The women's green eyes bored into her, "You look fine to me."

The girl stared back with gentle brown eyes. How was she supposed to tell the women who had given her life that she no longer wanted it?

"Okay, Mom."

The women scoffed as she turned her attention back on the book in her grasp.

The sound of feet stomping down the stairs caught her attention and she turned just in time for the boy to come running down the stairs almost knocking her over.

She grumbled, "Dylan, watch where you're going. God."

The boy turned his emerald gaze on the girl as he took a bite from the apple he had just picked up off the counter, "Sorry," He shrugged.

She could feel her blood pressure rise as they stared at one another. Dylan had just turned 10 a few months ago and their mother had finally decided to let him dress himself for school. Today's outfit was a perfect example of why she was so hesitant. His neon green Nike shirt did not compliment the worn purple basketball shorts he had paired with it.

"Whatever, Dylan," The girl sighed. The anger was gone just as quickly as it had arrived. She picked up her blue Nike backpack and slung the thing onto her shoulder.

"Dylan if you don't comb that hair," Their mother started and Selena shook her head. She couldn't deal with this today.

"Danny's picking me up, I'm going to go wait outside," The red head mumbled half heartedly. It wasn't like anyone was listening anyway.

She gasped as the cold winter air perforated her clothing. Selena wrapped her arms tightly around herself as she braved against the chilled air. The sun that had been so vibrant this morning was now lost in a sea of grey and the girl sighed.

She hated winter. As soon as the sun was gone her mood would plummet. She watched as thousands of snowflakes fell to the ground from the grey sky overhead. There was something so therapeutic about the way snow cascaded down from the heavens.

She had been so caught up in the world around her she hadn't even noticed that the rusting Honda had pulled into her driveway. The boy behind the wheel waved enthusiastically and the girl smiled as she raised a hand to gently wave back. This smile would probably be the only real one of the day.

"Lena!"

The girl jumped at the sound of her name as she crawled into the ancient death trap that Danny considered a car, "Yes?"

The boy frowned slightly, "Are you okay?"

She glanced at the boy behind the steering wheel. Danny had been her best friend since they were children. Their mothers had been college roommates and they were more than estatic to raise their children together. Danny knew her better than anyone else. He was her biggest supporter, her rock and that's exactly why he couldn't know that she wanted to end her life.

The boy with the kind grey eyes and shaggy black hair stared at her, concern marked all his features and she sighed. Mustering up her best fake smile, she shrugged, "I'm just tired."

The boy tightened his grip on the steering wheel as he glanced quickly at her, "You've been tired a lot lately."

She laughed, "Yeah. I've been cramming for midterms."

Danny stared at her a little longer before he threw the car in drive. The ride to school would be silent.

————————-

The two walked quietly through the almost empty parking lot. The snow must have scared off a large portion of the student body. The girl glanced at the boy to her right and smiled slightly. Danny was one of the only reasons she hadn't done it yet. He had absolutely no idea how much she loved him and he probably never would. Snowflakes clung to his hair and skin, even his perfect eyelashes he didn't deserve.

Danny glanced at her, a grin replacing the stoic concentrated look of before, "Lena, what?" He anxiously ran a hand through his short shaggy hair, brushing snowflakes through the entirety of it.

Selena bit her lip. She hadn't even realized she was staring until it was too late, "I was just thinking that you don't deserve those eyelashes," She lied and he laughed.

"You can have them if you want," He threw his arm around her shoulders ushering her into school.

Danny dropped her off at her locker with promises of meeting her at their next class. She sighed as she turned the dial, "8,27,11," The lock popped open and the girl dug around for a moment pulling out an array of books.

She looked up and down the empty hall. She rubbed gently at her temple. Her head felt like it was going to explode but this was a common occurrence lately. Shaking off the pain, she slowly made her way down the hall and then down a separate corridor.

Poetry reading was her favorite class of the day but sometimes she wished it was in a later period. She always managed to over do it and then not have enough energy for the rest of her classes.

The red head entered the room squinting heavily. The fluorescent lights gave off a yellow glow that made her stomach turn. Mrs. Johnson looked up just in time to dazzle the girl with one of her award winning smiles. The women of about 50 was Selena's favorite educator of all time. Her grey hair was pulled into a bun loosely causing whisps of hair to escape at every angle. Today's skirt and shirt combo had a flowered theme and Selena smiled gently.

"Good morning, it's pretty nasty outside isn't it?" The women frowned slightly.

Selena nodded, "Good morning."

Mrs. Johnson regarded the girl with eyes so blue the sky would be jealous, "Are you feeling alright?"

Selena nodded, she bit her lip and looked at the women, "Yeah, just tired," She shrugged as Danny shuffled into the room.

"Good morning, Daniel."

Danny smiled shyly, "Good morning, Mrs. Johnson."

The two took their seats as a few more students filed into the room. Selena glanced around before settling her attention on the boy currently staring at her. She smiled at him and he shifted slightly.

"Lena?"

"Hmm?" The girl mumbled as she fidgeted with the book on her desk.

"You're my best friend."

The girl nodded, "You're my best friend too, Danny."

"If something was wrong you'd tell me, right?"

Selena nodded as she focused all her attention on the small green book on her desk. Danny frowned he had just been about to push the limits a little further when Mrs. Johnson called for everyone's attention. Selena silently thanked the petite woman. The rest of the school day would drag.

——————-

The sound of shattering glass bounced off the walls as the girl smashed yet another picture frame. Today had been too much, everything was too much. She missed the numb feeling she had felt just hours before.

Tears cascaded from her eyes, her hands bunched into her scarlet locks. She paced the floor tugging at the strands in her grasp.

She had to get a grip, she was spiraling. The room spun as her breathing came in rapid bursts. She was hyperventilating, the realization made it even harder to breathe. She whimpered quietly before shaking her head.

The girl had bit her lip so hard, she could taste blood, the metallic taste should have grounded her but it hadn't. She just wanted it all to stop, everything, right now. Another earth shattering sob wracked her very core and she shuttered.

For a moment the girl considered calling Danny, he'd make it all stop. She shook her head, Danny couldn't know she was like this. He was the one person that made life bearable, if he found out she'd lose him, she couldn't expect him to want to deal with her when she didn't want to deal with

She paused in front of the window. She hadn't seen the sun in days. The grey overcast sky stared back at her and she gasped for another breath. Before she had even realized it her hand was in motion, smashing through the fragile glass of her window. She stumbled as her demons poured from her body dyed the color red. Little black spots filled her vision and she allowed the darkness to take over.

~20 years later~

The women sighed. She sat with her back against the wall, the old wooden door to her left. The girl's sobs were echoing off the walls and her heart broke.

"Addy? Honey?"

No response. Selena ran a hand through her thick red mane and sighed. She remembered the days like this. Her brown eyes found their way to her right arm. The sensitive skin was marked by tiny white lines, a much larger pink scar remained as a reminder of what rock bottom looked like.

Gentle footsteps echoed off of the hard wood floor. Grey eyes glazed over with worry met her brown gaze and she frowned.

"Hey, baby," The man pushed his hands into his jean pockets. Another sob vibrated off the walls of the room on the other side of the door and he glanced at the wood that separated them, "No luck, huh?"

Selena shook her head, she bit her lip as she stared at the wood blocking their path, "What do I do Danny?"

The man frowned, "Lena, I think you're doing all you can. She'll be okay. You remember what it's like to be her age."

"What if she's not okay?" Her mind flashed back to that night and she shook her head clearing her thoughts. Willing the demons back into their box.

Danny stared at her. He knew the horrors playing through her mind. He sighed as he slid down the wall, taking a seat next to her. The grey eyed man took her much smaller hand into his own before placing a gentle kiss to her knuckles, "She'll be okay. You never had a mother like you. You don't understand what a difference that makes."

Selena bit her lip as she stared at the door willing it to open, "I just... wish she'd open the door. I hate that she's in there alone."

Danny sighed, "She'll come out when she's ready. Come on, why don't I make you a cup of tea? You haven't been off this floor in hours."

Selena shook her head, her red hair falling carelessly over her shoulder, "I want to be here when she comes out."

"Lena."

"I'm okay," She insisted. Danny looked at her with unconvinced eyes riddled with worry. He sighed, "Alright, love," He kissed her temple before he forced his worn legs to stand.

Hours passed and every time it got a little too quiet Selena's heart would skip a beat," She's okay," This simple phrase vibrated through her psyche on repeat.

As it got quiet again, the women held her breath, "Addison? Addy, baby, please talk to me," She felt defeated and tired. She wanted to protect her from the world. She never imagined that one of the hardest things about parenting would be the realization that she couldn't. She sighed, "Addy...I know it's hard right now but it will get better. I promise."

Selena took a deep breath, she prepared herself for the words that were about to leave her mouth, "Honey, let me tell you a story."

———————

"...And then everything went dark," She took a shuddering breath as tears threatened to spill from her eyes, "I woke up a few days later in the hospital. Everything hurt, it was like one of those cliche movies. I woke up and I didn't know where I was or what day it was. I still remember your father's face, streaked with tears, the way his eyes lit up when he realized I was awake."

She swollowed hard before taking another shuddering breath, "I thought that shutting everyone out would make everything better. I was wrong. Addy, I love you so much. I know how it feels to be alone with yourself. Baby, I know it's hard right now but it will get better. You'll blink your eyes and before you know it you'll be sitting outside of your teenage daughter's  room. You'll have all this knowledge and wisdom but she'll lock you out because that's what we do when we're young."

She sighed, "You can lock me out Addy, but I'm not going anywhere."

Selena sniffled. The ancient lock on the door clicked and the women turned wide eyed to look at the girl standing in the doorway. Her grey eyes the exact same shade as her fathers stared back at her clouded with tears. She was still wearing the pretty dress she had been so excited to show her friends that morning. At some point she had thrown her hair hazardously into a bun and she whimpered quietly.

Selena reached out a gentle hand, grabbing the girls hand, she squeezed it gently. Her finger nails were painted to match her dress and the women smiled sadly. She tugged on the girl's hand until she crawled onto the floor with her. She brushed the wisps of curls from her face and dried her tears before engulfing her in her arms. It would get better, she'd realize that one day.