D.E.U.S. Machine

A Testament by Hope Forlyfe:

I know of a machine that can wipe out all sicknesses. Just being in its presence can cure a cold, the flu, or even cancer! Broken bones have been healed, sight restored to the blind, and the lame have lept, all because of this machine. They call it D.E.U.S. (which stands for Determined Exterminator of Underlying Symptoms’), and it’s not a new invention, but has gained popularity only recently, in the last 2000 years or so.

Lots of people don’t know about this machine - they think it’s a myth. No one truly knows where it came from or how it came to be because its design is so ancient it predates the pyramids. Those who do know about it can’t even comprehend its power because it looks unimpressive. And those who do know forget the wonders it can work because no one can fathom how special it is. Ivory in color and circular in shape, with very few outward details, the machine looks entirely too small to have any great effects or power like people claim. It’s not much bigger than a U.S. quarter, but I have seen this machine, used it myself, it has helped me restore my health, even when I thought it was impossible.

I had the worst viral infection; Libidinus Proclivitas tortured me for months and years. But, oh, when I found this machine, I found freedom from suffering! This beautiful, shiny, clean, highly complicated contraption allowed me to live my life again. Best of all, the apparatus is becoming increasingly common all over the country, even all over the world! Everyone has access to the miracle machine to cure every ailment that plagues humankind. In some areas, it is so popular that entire cities have access to them every single day. They have the most potent effect when used every day. It works by being consumed by the ailed person, but there is a catch! He must truly believe (funnily enough, like a placebo) that it will work. Without belief, it does almost nothing. It passes through the digestive system like any food, but while it is inside, it is redefining the very core of a human being, ridding him of impurities, ailments, and struggles.

But here is the bad news: people who don’t want to pay the price for its wondrous effects are breaking down the D.E.U.S into its simpler parts, tearing it apart, and rewriting its code, and selling it, advertising that it will still work. They have twisted and exploited it for their own purposes, too: greed, fame, power, even mind control are the intentions behind widening the availability of the machine. People in power who don’t mind extorting the poor, the vulnerable, the innocent, and the lost have corrupted, even ruined, this pure, lovely, life-giving machine. It breaks my heart, but I still thought I would share that there is hope for you who suffer and long for more from life. Want more information or salvation from your sicknesses? Call my dear friend, Eugene Charist, at 138-242-7478 and get your D.E.U.S. today!

Some comments from other satisfied customers:

“It was a totally heavenly happiness which words cannot express.” - Therese L.

“Man cannot understand this, cannot perceive it; but a lively faith affirms that the change, which is outside the natural course of things, takes place… Whether one receives or a thousand, the one receives as much as the thousand.” - Thomas A.

“Surrender yourself to the Mercy of Providence and let It do with you according to Its designs.” - Margaret M.

“... Dispenses graces and shows love… Worth waiting for on your knees in the cold and rain just to come close to it.” - Alphonsus “Al” L.