Convocation

Everything was ready. His black dress and shoes were ready. He had waited too long for this day. The day he would finally receive his bachelor's degree, cheer up with his friends, and prove himself to the world. But as he looked in the mirror to get himself ready, he only felt regret.

He had graduated over two years earlier, but the convocation was postponed because of the pandemic. In those two years, he struggled to establish himself, to pursue his aspirations, and to find his position in society. But he had failed badly. He had no work, no earnings, and no accomplishments. He had nothing to display for his hard work, for his brilliance, for his potential.

He had always been a shy, quiet person who enjoyed being alone and avoided social interactions. He had a few close friends at university who understood and supported him. He was passionate about learning, problem-solving, and system development. He had a vision of how things should be, and he was hesitant to abandon those ideas. He was a hard worker, a keen thinker, and a loyal friend.

But he also felt insecure, lonely, and depressed. He struggled to communicate with others, convey his emotions, and form bonds. He struggled to adjust to change, deal with ambiguity, and manage stress. He was usually criticized, neglected, and rejected. He was nobody, a loser, and a failure.

He had imagined that his convocation would be a watershed moment in his life, a time to reconnect with old friends, make new ones, showcase his talent and share his success story. He imagined himself walking on stage in a black gown and cap, holding his degree and beaming confidently. He envisioned himself driving to the spot in his own car, joined by his loving family and greeted by his proud friends. He wanted to be successful, happy, and satisfied.

However, reality drifted significantly from his imagined scenario. He had no car and had to ride the bus to the university alone and unknown. His friends had decided that they all would wear a coffee-colored dress, but he preferred his customary black one, black that he mostly wears, black that matches his personality: calm, reserved and absorbing.

He had to sit in the auditorium, surrounded by strangers, uneasy and nervous. He had to see his classmates receiving their degrees one by one, each with a unique story of success and happiness. Some were doing master's degrees from the country's top universities, some had secured good government jobs, some were married, and some even had children. Everyone has something to be proud of, glad about, and live for. He had nothing. He was a failure, a loser, and a nothing.

He wanted to flee, run away, or hide. He desired to forget about today, this place, and his existence. He wanted to start over, try again, and make a difference. He wished to be someone else, someone outstanding, someone worthy. But he could not. He was stuck, trapped, and lost.

When he heard his name called, he experienced a surge of panic. He had to go up on stage, face the audience, and take his degree. He had to pretend he cared, was happy, and that he was important. He had to lie to himself, others, and the world. He could not do it. He would not do it.

He chose not to go and muted his phone, closed the blinds, and crawled into bed. He ignored all the phone calls from his friends, messages from the institution, and the voices in his head. He abandoned his degree, his friends, and his future. He decided to be alone, be sad but original to himself. He was an introverted overthinker, and he was okay with it.

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