Completely, Incomplete

I am at a loss for words, even my own.

Sitting here all alone, misplaced, dazed and confused, wondering what the f%@! has happened to us.

Struggling to get my head around the fact that you actually did it!

I am at a complete f@*k-n loss. If I weren't seeing it for myself, firsthand, I would never believe that you could do it. Simply turn your back and let me go, like we were nothing.

I mean, do I need to remind you that I have been by your side for the past 10 years. Faithfully available - at your disposal to the drop an f-bomb, (aka hat.)

Whether it was road rage, a scam caller, or the perfect adjective needed to get your point across. I was there, I never let you down.

I mean, WTF girl. What were you thinking?

We made a great team too: as iconic as Sponge Bob and Patrick, Lucy and Ethel, Sherlock and Watson, Sam and Dean for goodness' sake! Whenever you needed me, I was right there, ready to fling a quick zinger at those button pushing wanna be's. Putting them back into place, before they even knew what hit them.

We'd smile and laugh at the shocked looks on their faces, recalling and recapping the scene - reliving it over and over again.

I'm snickering now, just remembering it.

How could you possibly think about going on without me?

I'm sure you remember from the get-go; I was pretty worried about how we would get along. You were always little miss goodie two shoes, the shy and quiet type, and I was the foul-mouthed, bad influence that set your free.

And boy, we hit it off. I was sure, as you honed your skills, that we would always be together. You were as natural as a sailor, and the best part was - no-one ever expected me to pop out of your lips.

Sure, of course I want you to be happy.

I just didn't realize that getting happy meant that you wouldn't need me any longer. If I had I any idea, I would have made sure that I was better established into your vocabulary.

We dueted so many of those Tic Toc videos last summer, joking about not having any more of "me" to give. But I never realized just how serious you were.

I thought for sure that you would come looking for my help last week, when you confronted your neighbor about that f*@k-n dog crapping in your yard again.

I have to tell you that I was incredibly surprised and disgusted when instead, I watched you grappling to use the inferior word, friggin'. Smiling and waving like besties as they scooped the poop and made their way back home.

I don't even know who you are anymore, I’m not even sure I ever really did. I feel so under-appreciated and disappointed.

The diluted language that pours out of your mouth in my absence is nothing shy of criminal.

I never took you as the type to lead an adjective on, but I see now that you never really gave a f@*k!