Cold Love

I have been single for many years and I chose that for myself. I didn't want to be hurt by anyone anymore and I thought that keeping love away would cure that pain and I would never have to feel that horrible feeling again.

Until one day, I was working out in the bush with my welder, who was apprenticing me for the last three years and he happened to be the new guy on the site. He had caught my attention and I was immediately taken by him. I don't really know what it was about him that brought on the feelings that overwhelmed me that day, but I knew that I needed to know this person.

It might have been foolish of me and it might have been silly, but it was something new and I had been sheltered away from reality for some time, but it was for a good reason. I thought while working if it was just because I had been out in the bush for a long time; it makes the mind play games with you and makes you realize what you have been missing out on. I would have never felt that way maybe if I wasn't out in the bush for so long.

I had some time to think about what I was feeling until he had to come over and talk to my welder. I thought I was going to die. Just because I was daydreaming about him and thinking what it would be like if he was mine. I wanted to just run away and hide. But I didn't, I stood there trying to not look his way or give him any attention. I didn't want anyone to know how I was feeling at that moment.

He walked over and I started to blush, I tried to hide it in the hood of my fur coat, but I could only hide my face so much. I kept looking downward at what my welder was doing until he saw this person walking over and my welder stops. Now I had no choice but to look up also. I knew I was blushing, my cold cheeks were really hot suddenly and I couldn't hide that. I looked at the guy and smiled, my welder starting talking about what had to be done and how he wanted things to look. I thought why is my welder telling this guy what to do if this guy wasn't going to be working with us? I then thought for a moment, what if my welder isn't going to be working on this pipe and I was going to be working with this guy instead?

Then my welder turns to me and says that he is going to leaving us now and to work as a team. My welder smiles at me and tells me that he has to be somewhere else for a few days and this other welder will be showing me the ropes and to be nice to him. I guess I had some attitude when I started, but I didn't think I did. So my welder didn't want me to be rude or anything. It was funny in a way, only because I'm 5' 4" and everyone else is much taller and just bigger than me anyways.

I told my welder that I wouldn't be mean and that I'm sure we'd make a nice team. My welder leaves and packs up some of his things and takes off down the snowy trail into the bush. Now I was alone with this guy and I had these funny feelings for him. I didn't want to say much to him, and I knew that I had to stay focused and professional. How the heck was I going to pull that off? It was hard, but once we got over the meet and greet we were alright. We continued working as usual and didn't talk much which was good. I really didn't want to give myself away.

It was finally the end of the day and we had stopped working, putting all the equipment and tools away on the back of the work truck. We talked a little as we packed everything up and got into some really good conversation. We laughed a lot and flirted a lot which I was so into doing with him. I didn't know if I was going to tell him that I thought he was amazing and there was something about him that made my cold heart suddenly heat up. I didn't know what to say.

We both get into the truck and start driving down the snowy path through the bush and the man-made road out there was terrible. it tossed me around like a rag doll and Joey was laughing his face off at the height I would get from the bumps. His name was Joey and what a name he had. I thought of "Joy" when he told me his name. That is what came to my mind when he said his name to me. I had to laugh because joy was really what I felt when I was with him.

We come out of the bush and onto a gravel road in the clearing. Joey looks up and says to me, " that is the most beautiful sight I have ever seen." I wasn't paying attention and I replied, "thank you." Joey laughed and stopped the truck. I thought he was going to do something funny to me or something, but he opens his door still laughing, and tells me to get out. I open my door, and climb out of the truck and walk around to where Joey was standing and look up to where he was looking. He then says to me," that is amazing how those northern lights dance in the sky, and if you whistle at them they dance for you." I thought how strange, but Joey started to whistle and they dance in the sky. They were beautiful. The bright green lights and the mix of white and yellow were combined and flowing through the sky like waves of electricity. It was amazing. While I was looking up at the northern lights, Joey was looking at me.

When he stopped whistling and turned to me, I caught him staring at me and smiling. I didn't know what to do at that moment. What came to mind was crazy of me, but I did it anyway. I turn to Joey and grab his face and started kissing him. He grabbed me around my waist and pulled me into him and was kissing me back. We stood there for a while. I lost track of time, but we were in that embrace for a while. We finally stop kissing and Joey says to me, " that was an amazing kiss, I wasn't sure if I was going to melt away or what was going to happen." I laughed and told him that I felt the same way. I was going to melt in his arms and I didn't care. He kisses me one last time and tells me to get in the truck. We had about an hour's drive before we got to the motel where all of us were staying.

The drive back to the motel was interesting, we couldn't help but talk about our exes and how terrible our relationships were. It was nice to talk about this because I had been quiet and I shut off that piece in my heart for the fact that it hurt too much. I didn't want to go through that crap again. But once hearing about Joey's heartbreak I knew that I had to get it out. It made the both of us feel so much better once we shared our terrible stories. I felt as if that brought the two of us closer. I shouldn't think that way only because we had to work together out in the bush and the other guys would love to make trouble and stir up some stuff. They would just be jealous and have nothing better to do but make trouble.

So we agreed to keep things quiet, and when nobody was watching or around we would get to be together. I wasn't sure if this was just a fling because we were alone in the middle of nowhere for so long or if what was happening was going to be a long-term thing. I really wanted to keep him, I needed him, I wanted him. My heart really wanted him too, and the rest of me ached for him. I didn't know if I was going to float away or if I was going to melt like a puddle, either way, I was taken by Joey and what that meant was I was finally falling in love.

For the next few months, we kept our relationship quiet and nobody knew a thing. We worked and didn't do anything on the site. But on the way back to the motel, that was another story. We would stop before we got to the clearing and made love and kissed and did everything we shouldn't have been doing in that work truck, but that was our only naughty thing and place we could be alone. I wanted him to come to my room a few times but he wouldn't. He didn't want to cause any problems and he didn't want to risk losing us. The bosses would never let us work together if we were together so we couldn't risk that.

We made love in that work truck so much on the way back to the motel, it was almost like a routine. It was a routine, just when we had a couple of days off we would sneak into each other's rooms and stay with each other until dawn. Then we would have to sneak back into our rooms and stay quiet. When we had to work again, we didn't sneak around. and that was hard to do. I missed him a lot and wanted to cuddle with him and sleep. But for good reasons, we kept our cool and followed the rules. This was going on for almost a year, and what was going to happen next would just knock you to the ground.

We were working like usual, but since it was getting warm outside the ice was getting really thin and very dangerous to ride on. We had to be very careful when traveling through the bush and onto the clearing before the gravel road. We still made love and did all that naughty stuff before coming out too far into the clearing, but one day when we finished our little being bad session, we started to drive and you could hear the ice cracking under the truck, and we always had our windows opened just in case we had to jump out of the truck started to go down into the lake. It was so nerve-racking when we had to drive out from the bush. My heart was pounding like a jackhammer and I was always ready to leap out. Joey was calm all the time, I didn't know how he could stay so calm, but he did. Then it happened. The truck started to spin and Joey told me to jump out. I didn't want to leave him, so I told him no. He yelled at me and told me again to get out. I yelled back at him that there was no damn way I was leaving him. He stopped the truck and looked at me. "Baby, I love you, and I don't want you to get hurt, please get out of the truck," I tell him. " I love you too, and if anything happens it was going to happen to both of us." He laughs and starts the truck again. He rocked it a little bit, but the truck kept sinking, and he grabs my hand and looks at me, " I'll always love you." I started to cry and I say to Joey," I'll never love another, and I will always love you."

The truck sinks further until we were underneath the ice. We roll up the windows which slow the water from coming into the truck cab but we both knew that we were done. So we get closer and hold each other while the cab fills up with the icy cold lake water. I knew we were going to die, but I was in the arms of the man that I loved and I didn't care. We kissed each other until we couldn't feel each other anymore and we fell apart and died. The last thing was that I felt was love before I died, and that was better than anything I could have ever felt when I was alive. He was the man of my dreams and still will be the man in dreams for eternity. Until we meet again in the afterlife. I will search for him, and I won't stop until I find my "Joy" again.