But, you did happen, and I know I will never totally heal

"It was not easy, Marla. My greatest fear was I would jeopardize our friendship. For me, it was the greatest challenge I ever faced. I needed to reach for the greatest thing I ever wanted without jeopardizing the greatest thing I ever had. However, I needed to get it out. I could not go forward and live the rest of my life with the regret of never telling you how I felt about you. I had held it in for so many years; the love I had for you was eating me up alive. It was killing me. I never expected you to run into my arms and tell me you would spend the rest of your life with me. Although I had always wanted it and secretly hoped you would do and say so that night, I knew you would not. What I did get from you was something exceptional. I got the truth from you. I received my emotional freedom. You set me free, Marla. I could never have committed to Brielle had you not."

"I drove you into her arms, didn't I?"

"That is a tough question to answer. Let us say your comments that night helped me make my decision."

"I am falling, and it is frightening to realize that you won't be there to catch me."

"I was always there to catch you, Marla. It was you who told me I had to move forward."

"Were my words like bullets to your heart?"

"No, Princess. Bullets rip through a victim's heart cleanly and leave a hole. Your words were serrated daggers plunged into my heart. Then, after you plunged those daggers in, you twisted the daggers as if you were trying to rip all of my dreams of you from my heart and soul. As much as it hurt, it was equally liberating."

"I also told you to marry Brielle, yet you have not done that."

"No. I have not. It is not something we have discussed. Brielle is happy to have me as her partner; she has been enjoying our relationship, and we are moving forward slowly. We both take the time to ensure our decisions lead to a firm foundation. Can you tell me you have been doing the same?"

"It is difficult to sit here and hear you say these words. During the past year, something I was never aware of became very clear to me: throughout my life, you were the one person I could always rely on to be there to catch me when I was falling. It is difficult to know you are no longer there to catch me. I miss you so much. Sometimes I miss you so much; all I do is cry."

"That is what you wanted when you ordered me to be with Brielle. Were you not telling me to stop dedicating my life to loving you? Were you not telling me you will never be the woman I wanted in my life and to move forward?"

"Are you saying you no longer love me?"

"No. I will never stop loving you, Marla. This last year of trying to move out of love with you has been the greatest challenge of my life. I was sure it would destroy me, there were times it crushed me and rendered me emotionally and physically debilitated, but I survived. The days passed. Days became weeks. Weeks became months. Months became a year. I was on the worst emotional rollercoaster. I missed you, I cried for you, I hated you, I adored you, but I could not stop being in love with you. I hated you for so many reasons. I loved you for more reasons. I loved you for being the one who taught me love at first sight is real, and believe me, Marla, it is so very, very real. I hated you for robbing me of the romance of that love. I loved you for teaching me I was capable of loving one person. I hated you for never being the person with whom I lived that love. I loved you for being beautiful. I hated you for physically availing that beauty to women but never to me. I prayed for days to come when I would miss you less, but those days never came; I doubt that day will ever come. I just had to continue living, accepting, and living life as if you never happened. But you did happen, and I know I will never totally heal. "

"I am here now, I am in front of you, and if you want, I will be here forever."

"I can't do this any longer. I loved you for years, Marla. I loved you in the darkest hours of your worst days; you could not love me in the brightest moments of my best days. Marla, I have learned there is more to my life than being in love with you. I will never be able to tell you how challenging this transformation has been. I was so in love with you for so many years; it had come to define me. Looking back, I realize that I was not sure what was real and what were dreams when it came to you. I was lost in love with you. You were ever-present. You were inside of me all the time. For so long, all I ever wanted was to feel your soft skin under my lips. Each time I looked at you, I would hold on to it all. I was filled with you. Everything about you had bled into me. I was addicted to you. You invaded and starred in my dreams nightly. Each night in dreams, you were more real than you were in real life. There were days I yearned to sleep to escape real life with you and return to the world of dreams where I would taste you, touch you, hold you. Marla, in the Mansion of Dreams, I made love with you in every bedroom. I was lost. I would tell myself I needed to be in love with you so I could go on living. Now I have clarity. I have learned there is life in loving somebody other than you."