Brain on fire

APRIL

Nobody can hear a scream in the vacuum of space, or so they say.

Ever since we moved into this new house I would have these, dreams. Vivid dreams. Things I wouldn’t or even could say out loud.

Is it me or the house?

Or is it something more.

My therapist who I have been seeing for the past few months since the dreams started a few weeks after Easter, is confident trauma can play effect on our physical bodies. She has been teaching me some coping mechanisms and meditations on how to heal whatever is bringing on this torture.

It started with a headache. I thought maybe a diet change, as I was in process of switching to vegan, but when they persisted and continued to debilitate me, I ruled diet out.

As we crossed into the next month, the headaches persisted and got worse. Food wasn’t a desire, and really not an option. I would just stomach light fruits and juices at this point. Soups were pretty good and every now and then a solid piece of bread would suffice.

Doctors referred me to a neurologist as the dreams, symptoms, and nausea persisted. At this point I was suffering. We entered the month of June and I had been in and out of the ER five times, living on nothing but pedialite and protein milk. I’ve lost about twelve pounds in a under a month, something was definitely wrong.

The most recent ER visit finally found the answer ‘so they said’.

I was diagnosed with a mass of about five centimeters engulfing my entire cervix region.

Well, that explains it then. I have stage four cancer.

I went home and lived three weeks thinking I had cancer until the biopsy came back clean, and there was no mass.

Was I losing it? I wasn’t sure if I should be relieved or feel hopeless. I felt like I was back to ground one.

I continued therapy and did all I knew to do.

July

I developed the newest symptom in which I was going to talk to my therapist about tonight. We’ve come this far to leave anything new out.

“So tell me how you’re feeling, how are the dreams ? -Therapist asked.

“ Well, I, uh, -

“Something seems to bother you. Remember, nothing is out of this world, it’s a safe zone here.” - Therapist nurtured.

“Well that’s the thing” -I whispered under my breath, -it sorta is just that.

“Just what?” -She replied.

“Out of this world.”

“I’m listening” -she responded with non judgement.

“So, the dreams I’ve been having, I don’t believe are dreams.”

“Well, as your therapist it is my job to question, and elaborate more on this. Your dreams usually take place in another universe in which you have described time and time again to be in some other dimension or vortex. So, Ophelia, are you telling me, you are feeling this physically and mentally?”

“Yea, well, not exactly”

Continuing- “At night I’ve noticed things.”

“What kind of things?” - she asked.

“Like, the window had hand prints last night. Just like I dreamt.” - I explained.

“Well windows, have handprints, I don’t want you to get lost in this… idea. It’s just an idea at the moment.” -she responded with assurance.

“Well the handprint was different, it was like the claw of some creature, possibly reptilian.” - I elaborated.

“We are in Maine, there are all types of wildlife that, -

“Well then explain this”- I interrupted lifting up my sleeve.

“Ophelia, where did you get that ? And it looks infected.” -Therapist reacted.

Responding I continued to explain,

“I don’t think it was a dream. I don’t think any of the past few months have been a dream. I think my sicknesses are all tied into, this house, this, bite.”

Continuing,

“Ever since I moved here I noticed my grandfather just stares off at night. He becomes, distant. I started having the dreams and then the symptoms, and now this.”

“Ophelia, are you having any other symptoms? Perhaps something you’re not telling me. Or leaving out?” - therapist questioned.

……“ The screams.”

“The screams ?” -therapist nervously responds.

“I hear them in my sleep and now I hear them awake.” - I confessed.

“Do you hear them right now?” - she asked.

Yes.

“And what are they saying?” - she proceeded to ask.

“I can not say it out loud.” - I softly and quietly spoke.

“Okay, why are you whispering?” -therapist questioned in concern.

“Because they’re here now.”

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Fiction thriller challenge