Blurred Lines

I woke up to the sight of a grey wall, warmth enveloping me from behind, and a slight weight weighing down on me. The initial confusion started to fade as I remembered that I was over at my best friend’s dorm. We were hanging out in his room and just catching up since it's been awhile since we last saw each other. After awhile we decided to watch a movie and somewhere along the way we must've fell asleep. I slowly sat up on my elbows as my eyes surveyed the room. I probably passed out first because his laptop sat safely on the desk across the room and the weight was his arm loosely draped over my waist. I finally turned my head to look at my best friend who was still asleep, tousled curls and slightly opened mouth in all his natural glory.

There were a lot of blurred lines in my friendship with Wes. There were things like this; taking naps together, sitting on his lap, cuddle sessions, etc. but we weren’t together and the chances of that happening were little to none. Everything we did was all platonic… at least on his side. We’ve been best friends for six years and I had to learn that in our friendship, this was just how things were. While looking over his facial features, instinctively my hand reached out to touch his curls but pulled back in the last moment. This was yet another thing that was just… like that. I could do it and Wes would think nothing of it, but I refuse to let myself get lost in this feeling... this mirage of what I wish to have. Rubbing the sleep off my face with a silent groan, I gently removed my best friend’s arms while trying to maneuver around him. Wes was still fast asleep as my feet gently landed on the floor. I padded my way down the hall to the living room where his bandmates were playing games on the TV. Being best friends with their guitarist, meant befriending the other members who have become used to such occurrences of me randomly appearing. After about thirty minutes, in which I grabbed a glass of water and sat to watch the others play Smash Bros, a bleary-eyed Wes finally stumbled out of the room. I snickered at the messy state he was in as his eyes found me and he took the place next to me on the floor. His forehead landed on my shoulder, sleep obviously still trying to pull him under, and I rolled my eyes.

“This is what happens when we sleep at ungodly hours Wesley,” I chuckled before suggesting, “How about you look less like a bum and we can go grab some groceries? I’ll cook.”

He whined for a moment, which caused me to scrunch my nose at his childish behavior, before he agreed and got up to go make himself presentable. After a few minutes he came back clad in his usual black jeans and black hoodie, face washed, and signature baseball cap to hide his un-styled hair.

“Wow Wes, you really copying me?” I teased, gesturing to my matching outfit.

“You’re annoying, let’s go,” he rolled his eyes.

When we got to the grocery store, we split up to make the trip faster. Finished with my portion of the shopping, I went to find Wes. My eyes spotted him around the drinks but I noticed that his hands were empty. Observing him while I walked over, he continually cast glances at one of the grocery workers... Thank god for deciding to wear a face mask, that meant not needing to plaster a fake smile on my face. This wasn’t a first, being best friends since we were teens meant seeing him go through various relationships and crushes. Hell, I’ve helped him get into some of those relationships and he tried to return the favor, emphasis on tried. I gently bumped him with the cart to grab his attention.

"She's cute," I comment casually.

I grabbed the drink his hand had been hovering over for the past couple of minutes. He attempted to pull an innocent smile to hide his flustered expression at my arrival. I shook my head and moved to the next place we needed to go to, which coincidentally was the same area she was headed to too. Wes quietly followed next to me trying to pretend like nothing happened but there was one thing that was a dead give away.

"Stop acting already, your ears are red. Should've worn a beanie if you wanted to hide it from me.”

"Shut up," he grumbled.

I rolled my eyes as he pulled his cap down further, trying to hide the embarrassed glow on his face. We moved along and I grabbed things we needed for dinner while Wes pushed the cart and stared at the girl. I knew this phase, it was more then him finding her cute… he was crushing on her. At this realization my heart dropped further and although the little voice in my head screamed at me not to, but my mouth and body moved against it.

"I'm going to go grab some chips."

"Huh? What… wait no!"

It took Wes a minute after I announced myself to put two and two together. He grabbed my arm to stop me but I rolled my eyes at him and brushed him off as I pulled down my face mask.

"Come on what's the worst that can happen?"

"I can never come back to this store ever again out of embarrassment?"

"Tsk. Then you can send the boys instead."

I quickly slipped past him and headed down the chip aisle. As I scanned the section for the ones I was looking for I "accidentally" bumped into the girl Wes’ been eyeing.

"Oh, I'm so sorry," I apologized and bowed my head before popping back up with a smile.

"No it's fine. Wait aren't you that actre-"

I stopped her as I placed my index finger to my lips and she nodded with understanding.

"Oh I was actually wondering where I could find the international food section."

"It should be over by that area," she explained as she pointed down the aisle.

"Thank you! By the way I hope this isn't weird or anything but my friend over there thinks you're cute, he’s a little shy though."

As I said this I pointed at Wes who saw me and quickly turned away in embarrassment. She giggled at his reaction, good sign, and turned back to me.

"Well then tell him I think he's cute too… and that maybe he should tell me himself next time."

She bit her lip for a moment, contemplating something, before pulling out a loose piece of paper, scrawled her number on it, and handed it to me. We smiled and said goodbye before I pulled up my mask and walked back to Wes. We finished our shopping and started our walk back as I ignored Wes’ badgering. Instead I asked him for his phone, with the excuse of leaving mine at his dorm. Once his phone was in my hands I quickly inputted the number from the paper without him knowing and on a last minute whim, sent her a text apologizing about “my friend”. I locked his phone and handed it back to him before finally explaining our conversation, purposefully stopping short of the phone number.

“You’re really an actress. I can’t believe you actually did that.”

Yes, I am an actress. That’s how I was able to do that, do this, do every other exchange regarding your love life in the past, and you’ll be none the wiser. Just like always.

“No you can’t believe that she called you cute… or that I got her number for you.”

“You what?!”

“I even sent the first text for you, you’re welcome.”

I made my eyes smile as his face dropped in disbelief. Sensing he was gonna scold me, I darted away with a laugh. There was a good distance between us but in no time his footsteps were right behind me. Back in front of his place we looked at each other before laughing again.

“Why did I pick up a troublemaking best friend again?”

“If I remember correctly I barged into your life, literally.”

“True.”

“Luckily no one was around or that would have been an interesting headline,” I laugh.

“You never think ahead do you?”

“With you? No, you have the braincell when we’re together.”

Back at the dorms we cooked, messed around, had fun, the boys passed through occasionally to grab a bite to taste or just to pop in; all fun except Wes was constantly distracted by his phone. Judging by the smile that kept tugging at his lips it was the girl and my suspicions were correct when his phone rang and the little smile that’s been playing on his lips turned into a full blown grin, dimple and all. Wes excused himself just as Malik popped in with a confused look on his face.

“Where’s Wes running off to?”

“He got a call,” I shrugged.

I busied myself with the cooking but Malik’s stare burned on the back of my head but I ignored him. It wasn’t until I heard a second pair of footsteps and glanced over my shoulder that I knew I had to have to talk about the one thing I didn’t want to. The minute I turned to the boys Scott’s eyes scanned my face and he immediately commented.

“What stupid thing did she do now?”

“See I thought that too.”

“Can we not talk as if I’m not literally standing in front of you two?”

“Then are you going to tell us what happened?”

“I mean I wasn’t planning on it but apparently you two can read my face better then my best friend so I’ll have to fess up anyways,” I rolled my eyes.

“Oh, It’s about Wes… ”

“The level of stupidity is always worse when it comes to him.”

“Okay first off, yes Scott it’s about Wes and secondly, rude. You’re no smarter than me half the time Malik so shut it. Third, can you guys keep it down? It’s bad enough you two know, I don’t need anyone else finding out,” I bit back.

Long story short the four of us were together, I got drunk, Wes went to the bathroom, and drunk me decided to spill the one secret I planned to take to the grave. Now they occasionally try to help me with my shattered heart. They didn’t try to provoke me further and turned their full focus on me to explain.

“I got Wes a girl’s number because he literally couldn’t keep his eyes off her. They’re probably on the phone right now.”

“Why do you always do this to yourself? You could have just let it be you know,” Scott inquired.

I don’t say anything and just turn back to watch over the food on the stove. There was nothing to say that they haven’t heard already, like I said Wes’ been in relationships so this isn’t a new conversation.

“You really know how to break your own heart, you know that? Most normal people try to block their rivals, not invite them over.”

“Malik you know I don’t have it in me to get in the way, even if I wanted to, but it’s nothing I haven’t already dealt with so I’ll be fine just like always.”

“But it still hurts…”

The sympathy in both of their eyes was suffocating. With a sigh I turned off the stove before turning back to the boys with a tight lipped smile. I grabbed the pan and started to move it to the table before pausing in front of the two and dropped my voice to a whisper so only they could hear.

“It does but what can I do? I love my best friend too much to try and mess with his love life just because I can’t be in it.”