Bird-Nerd's Aren't Real

Karen’s phone rang while she was weeding her flowerbeds. “Let it go to voicemail,” she thought to herself as she pulled dandelions out from around the marigolds. After the third hangup, she grabbed it and stared down at an unknown number. Hitting the message icon, she grumbled, “Who the hell can that be?” Listened impatiently, a raspy voice cracked over the speaker, “This is Jim Henderson. John asked me to bring one of the pups over when they were ready. I’ll be stopping by in five minutes.” "I guess I should go find him," she muttered as she hung up the phone. Hearing the pouch door slam, she looked up and saw her three sons running from the house.

She got up and took off her gardening gloves as they stopped in front of her. “Hi, Mom, Dad’s looking for you,” said her fifteen-year-old son Jerry before hurrying off to the barn. Cameron, her youngest child, pulled on her shirt with a concerned look on his face, “Mama, are bird-nerd’s real? Can they have rabbits?” he inquired. Confused by the mispronunciations, Karen glanced at her three-year-old with raised eyebrows, “No, sweety, there is no such thing as bird-nerds, “she answered softly. “You sure, bird-nerd’s aren't real, and can’t have rabbits, Mama?” he asked. Karen bent down and ruffled his hair, “Yes, I’m sure, sweety,” she replied.

Relieved, Cameron responded, “Whoa, that’s good cause Jerry watched a movie.” His older brother Jack grabbed him by his hand and whispered, “Shh, you're gonna get us in trouble,” while dragging him towards the barn. “Oh boys,” cooed Karen as she started to walk away. Stopping slowly in their tracks, they turned around, “Yes, Mama,” they replied. Jack held his breath, waiting for her comeback. “There will be a slice of chocolate cake on the table for you when you've finished your chores,” she informed them over her shoulder. Jack released the air from his chest, watching her head towards the house.“That was close,” he mumbled as she went inside.

“Buddy, don’t tell Mom about the movie,” Jack pleaded as they entered the barn. Thinking it over first, Cameron finally agreed, “Ok, I won’t tell Mom.” Jerry stuck his head out of the stall he was mucking and began interrogating his younger brothers, “Tell Mom what?” he asked. “About the movie. You know the one with bird-nerds having rabbits,” answered Cameron. “It’s Saint Bernard with rabies,” corrected Jerry. “Don’t worry, I won’t tell. They’re not real,” replied Cameron. Jerry looked at Jack and then back at Cameron, “ Saint bernard's are real, and they can get rabies if they don't get their shots,” he informed him. “No, they’re not,” said Cameron. “Are too,” teased, Jack.

Stomping his feet, Cameron formed two tiny fists screaming, “They’re not real, Mama said so.” Jack raised his hands in the air, “Your right, I'm wrong,” he conceded while backing up. Pointing towards his little brother Jack turned to Jerry, stating, “You're so dead when Mom finds out you let him watch Stephen King’s Cujo.” Dropping the pitchfork, Jerry tackled Jack knocking him to the ground. Wrestling, they rolled around until Jerry put him into a headlock and began rubbing his knuckles over Jack’s scalp demanding, “She’s not going to find out, is she?” “Get off of me,” yelled Jack trying to push him off.

“Promise me you won’t tell her, ” insisted Jerry as he rubbed harder. “ Alright, I promise,” wailed Jack beginning to cry. “What’s going in here?” bellowed John in the archway of the barn. Jerry released his younger brother from the headlock as both boys said, “nothing,” at the same time while Jack struggled beneath him. “I asked you a question,” drilled John. “Jerry’s trying to make Jack not tell Mama about the bird-nerd movie,” tattled Cameron. John put his hands on his hips and shook his head, becoming annoyed, “I think Jim Henderson is here. I’ll deal with you two later,” he retorted as they heard a car approaching.

Seeing Mr. Henderson pull up and get out of the car, John looks back at his sons, “On your feet, I need you outside and behave yourselves,” he commanded before leaving the barn to greet his guest. Jack kicked Jerry off of him, then he stuck out his tongue and gave his older brother the middle finger before catching up to their father. “You promised you wouldn’t tell, ”Jerry silently mouthed to Cameron as they followed them out the door. Cameron looked at Jerry and innocently replied, “I didn’t tell Mama, I told Daddy.” Rolling his eyes, Jerry grunted, “Whatever,” as Mr. Henderson open the passenger’s side door.

“Puppy,” squealed Cameron with delight, running to the car and throwing his arms around a big brown and white fluffy Saint bernard puppy that tumbled to the ground. “Oh shit,” cursed Jerry when the pup’s 200-pound mother, with drool dripping from its jowls, jumped out from the backseat and trotted over to Cameron. His eyes became huge, filling with tears when she sat down in front of him and planted a big slobbery kiss across his face. Terrified, Cameron’s bottom lip quivered as he wiped the saliva off.

Backing up slowly from the Saint bernard, Cameron turned on his heels and high-tailed it to the house hysterically, screeching, “MAMA, BIRD-NERD’S ARE REAL, AND THEY CAN HAVE RABBITS.” “Hold it right there,” hollered John to his eldest son, who was trying to sneak off after seeing his mother storm out of the house. Snickering, Jack turned to Jerry, boasting, “I told you she was going to kill you when she found out."

“Shut up,” screamed Jerry to his brother when his mother, flouncing steaming with fury, beelined his way. Jack picked up the pint-size Saint bernard and gave him a big bear hug. He began to giggle when the puppy started licking his face. Chuckling, he looked down at his newfound friend, "I think I’ll call you, “Bird-nerd, how about Birdie for short,” he said to the pup while carrying him to the house for a slice of chocolate cake, laughing all the way.