Behind The Velvet Rope...

Although you are so painfully shy that sneezing in public gives you a major panic attack every time that one accidentally escapes through your mouth and nasal passages, you've allowed your best friend Nate Boi to talk you into mustering up the courage to get an autograph from your favorite gospel singer Rae at a meet-and-greet that he paid for for your 20th birthday.

You are so anxious that Rae won't find you attractive that you spend two extra hours than usual curling your hair into thirty-four Shirley Temple ringlet curls, twelve minutes squeezing into a much too-tight girdle to cinch in your waist and fupa, and your last twenty minutes desperately applying tons of your new foundation called Sweetpea from Paris (that smells distinctly like pancakes and dirt) to cover up your acne.

When you walk into Rae's dressing room, he is dressed in a tan trench coat with a blueish-grey turtleneck and grey corduroys underneath with white socks and grey chucks on his feet. His back is to you, and he is clearly on his cellphone.

When you hear him talking on the phone, you realize that he is not quite ready to meet with you yet, so you turn around to head back into the hallway when you hear Rae say, "Babe, this is my last meet-and-greet for the night. There is nothing for you to be jealous about. My meet-and-greet is with some homely, ginormous gurl with bad skin that used to go to my grandad's church. I don't want to even meet with this wildebeest, but it will look good on my non-profit's year-end report to say that I've met with a set amount of charity cases for the year. Also, I can probably get another subscription for my YouTube channel too. Don't worry, Flyy-Mamacita! I'll meet you at the limo in approximately 10 minutes. This won't take long. Be wearing that lingerie that I like, and make sure that your hubby doesn't call you until after ten. My wife won't be expecting me home until around eleven."

Upon hearing yourself being described as a member of the African wildlife brigade, you jog outside and towards your Tesla, nearly in tears. You thought Rae was a kind-hearted, godly, gospel artist who truly cared about his fans, but you just learned that he is really a self-serving, adulterous jerk who sees you as just another dollar for his YouTube channel.