Bare Necessities
Marigold Challenge
The Bare Necessities by Valera Ashcraft
The heat was just too much to bare in Sunday dress and that’s why the ladies were sipping tea on the porch in their underwear.
“Who you writing to now, Beulah?” asked Leafy Mae. She was the oldest of the Grandmother Club. The five ladies would meet after church to reflect on the do’s and don’ts the preacher had passionately yelled at them. They always met at Beulah’s house because of her screened-in porch. A luxury the others didn’t have. The screen netting not only kept the pesky flies away from their ice-tea, but also allowed a blurred pseudo barrier for sitting in their rocking chairs in their underwear.
“I’m sending my granddaughter some Marigold seeds so she can plant them for her mom. Those were Laura’s favorite flowers.” Beulah gently wrapped the strands into a cotton handkerchief. There was a Cardinal bird embroidered in one corner of the cloth.
“Did you embroider that bird, Beulah?” Joy watched as Darlene’s wrinkled finger reached out to feel the red threads of the bird. Joy busted out a laugh.
“Too bad Preacher Bruce isn’t here for that open door!” The other women looked at Darlene’s finger.
“What do you mean?” asked the wrinkled finger Grandmother.
It took a moment before Beulah caught on. “Darlene! Shame on you!”
“What are you old biddies laughing about?”
Lenny put down her ice-tea and scooted her chair close to Darlene. “Do you not see which finger you are using to caress that bird?”
Darlene brought her finger up to her nose for a closer look. An ornery smile pushed at the sides of her wrinkled cheeks. “You mean this middle finger that I used the other day on an old couple that cut me off when I pulled in at the bank?!”
“DARLENE!! YOU FOR SURE SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF THAT! How did the old couple react?” asked Betty as she pulled up her slip strap that hung over her shoulder.
“They didn’t even see or hear me. Turns out I was the one that cut them off. I think my kids are right.”
It was Flora’s turn to ask, “Right about what?”
“They want me to give up the keys to my car. They say an old lady shouldn’t be driving if she has to hang a golf ball from tree limbs to hear when to stop the car,” replied Darlene.
“I always wondered why that golf ball was hanging from your tree,” said Beulah.
“That’s smart! I need to do that!” interrupted Joy. “But how did you get up in that tree to hang that ball?”
“My grandson did it for me. I had to bribe him with the keys to the car wants he becomes of age to not tell his parents.”
“How does it work?” asked Lenny.
“Well, since my distance is off for my eyes, I just pull into the driveway and that hanging golf ball hits my windshield letting me know to stop before I hit the house.” Darlene reached over and pulled up Betty’s other strap on her slip.
“Not to change the subject, but I wanted to tell you girls what my granddaughter wrote to me,” announced Beulah.
Everyone turned their attention to the old woman licking the envelope to seal the marigold threads wrapped in the birdie handkerchief.
“She said that she is doing her Sunday reflection at a nudie camp.”
“What?!” yelled the ladies.
“Well, the experience is giving her ideas for nude figure painting. I did mention she’s an artist, right?”
Some of the ladies shook their heads “Yes,” as they took a sip of their tea.
“It’s funny because she said that she was looking at a young couple getting tacos at a taco shack and their colors were beautiful. The lady inside serving the tacos was big, voluptuous and lots of skin folds. Then, she looked at an old man walking by that had not much color. My granddaughter complained that she used to be the young couple and is now the heavyset woman in the taco shed. Her arms are starting to flap! Pretty soon she will have the colorlessness of an old body.” Beulah put the letter into her purse.
The ladies sat listening to the crows, their sweaty glasses empty of tea. Some had used the remaining ice cubes to rub against their necks.
“Maybe that’s why we wear slips,” said Joy.
“Why?” asked Darlene.
Flora answered, “To add color to our old bodies!”
"Maybe we should try being nudies on the porch!" challenged Leafy Mae.
Darlene responded, "I wonder how Preacher Bruce feels about bare necessities in the heat?"
The women laughed.
About the Creator
Valera Ashcraft
Valera attended Academy of Art and Vancouver Animation School. She is working on a third animation, "Who Farted?" and a webcomic, "Blood Warrior". Valera has won five awards for "Breesa Dreamin' In The Apple Tree".
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