As Tide Falls

“Truth or Dare?” Madeline asked. Her cheeks were pink and warm and there were butterflies in the pit of her stomach. She hadn’t felt this way about someone in a long time. She didn’t think she’d ever want to be in a serious relationship. At least not yet, but she couldn’t help but think that maybe she just hadn’t found the right guy. That maybe they’d just met.

“Hmmm,” Jackson contemplated. “Truth.” He was dressed up real nice. His blue shirt was tucked into a nice brown leather belt that was looped around a pair of pressed khakis. It had been a while since he’d been on a date with a new girl. His previous relationship left him crushed. They were high school sweethearts and he thought it was forever. She left him for a coworker she had just met two months prior. For that reason, he was nervous to open himself up again.

Madeline thought about it for a moment. She decided she wanted to see how much they had in common.

“Do you want kids?” After she said it aloud, she thought it might have been too soon... She didn’t want him to take it the wrong way and run. Maybe he felt the same way she did.

“Yes, I do! I love kids. At least two, but I’m not opposed to more.” Jackson flashed her a smile. He had always dreamt about settling down someday and having his white picket fence American dream.

Madeline’s stomach churned a bit as kids weren’t on her bucket list... But she thought maybe she could change him. Right? Or maybe she can change herself? She couldn’t help but feel like this was something she had to pursue. “Okay, my turn!”

Jackson scootched a little closer to her as they looked out over the pier. “Truth or dare?” He asked reaching his hand out for hers. As they latched their fingers together, he used his thumb to massage her hand.

“Dare...” Madeline smirked.

“Kiss me.”

****

“Jackson how much further is this place?” Madeline rolled her eyes as she stepped over broken branches and avoided puddles of water.

“C’mon babe, relax” Jackson replied. “It’s gonna be fun, so just quit your whining, will ya.” Jackson had set up a special date for their one-year anniversary. They were walking to Barlow’s Island. It’s a small area of land in their local bay. You can only get to it during low tide, but it was worth the trouble. It reminded him of their very first date on the pier, one of the best days of his life. He couldn’t wait to feel the saltwater on their skin, the island breeze in their hair, and her body in his arms under the stars.

Jackson stopped by earlier in the day. He set up a large hammock, with solar-powered lights dangling from tree branches. He gathered kindling for the fire and set up a circle of modest-sized stones to contain it. In his backpack, he carried everything you could possibly need for a romantic picnic. He had a jewelry box stored safely in the front pocket. He would touch it as a reminder to make this night all about her. He really wanted to make this anniversary special. The first of many. She always did so much for him.

“My feet are killing me,” Madeline said. She was wearing sandals and her toes were beginning to become covered in wet sand and debris.

“Yeah, I know. I told you so,” Jackson replied with a chuckle. He had warned her to wear sneakers. Told her that she didn’t have to dress up fancy for him. Even on her worst days, he thought she was beautiful.

“Wow, there’s like, no service out here,” Madeline held her phone up in the air in different directions, trying to reach for just a glimpse of 5G. She needed to stay connected. She wondered what she might have been missing out on back at home.

“Yeah, that’s kind of the point,” Jackson laughed.

Madeline let out a muted chuckle. She jammed her phone into her back pocket with a huff, dragging her feet along behind him. She took a deep breath and decided to make the most of it. After all, a one-year anniversary is a big deal. She’d never made it this far into a relationship before.

Finally, they came across the wooden bridge that led them to the island. It was about a foot underwater, leveled with rocks in between a stream that lead from the island to the ocean.

“Alright so just take your shoes off and roll your pants up a bit,” Jackson said. “I’m sure the water will feel fresh on your sore feet.” He smiled back at her.

You’ve got to be kidding me, Madeline thought. Her skinny jeans were too tight to roll up and it was her favorite pair. Still, she followed behind Jackson, because that’s what she’s supposed to do. Just go along with it. That’s what relationships are about. She returned a faint smile in his direction and waded through the chilly Atlantic water.

It didn’t take long to reach the nesting area. The island was very small and the hike to get there was the real workout. It was springtime, and the sea birds were singing as the sun started to get lower on the horizon. Fish were jumping from the water off in the distance. There were crabs dancing in the sand in ritualistic patterns, digging themselves back underground with the steps of their feet. Just above the shoreline was a small forest of trees, the place where they’d rest their heads for the night. What more could they need?

“So, was it worth it?” Jackson said, his eyes lit up, proud of his work, as he met Madeline’s gaze.

“It’s pretty neat.” She replied as she fell back into the hammock. “You did a really good job setting everything up. It looks great, babe.” She smiled in his direction.

This made Jackson’s heart skip a beat.

****

“I mean, I’ve always wanted a dog and my parents never let me. I don’t see why it’s such a big deal. We’ve been settled into our own place for a few months. I think now’s a good time as ever.” Jackson said as he drove along the interstate. He reached his hand out for Madeline’s thigh and rubbed his thumb in circular motions along her skin.

Madeline put her feet up on the dashboard and looked out the window. Madeline had been with Jackson for six months and this wasn’t the first time he had brought up the idea of a pet.

“I’m just sayin’ I don’t think we have the time, y’know? We both work all week. Poor thing shouldn’t be alone all the time...” Madeline replied.

Jackson reached into the middle console and grabbed his cigarettes.

“Could you not, please?” Madeline asked. She couldn’t stand the smell of cigarette smoke, especially in the close quarters of the truck’s cabin.

He put them away as fast as he pulled them out, respecting her wishes. He knew he should quit but it was easier said than done.

“Well, I only work 5 minutes down the road. I don’t mind coming home during the day to let it out and take care of it... Could you not, please?” Jackson asked, darting his gaze towards her feet and the dirt marks her shoes left behind.

“Who’s the one that always vacuums?” She rolled her eyes and dropped her sneakers back to the floor. There was a short pause. “I do and I just don’t want to deal with all the hair,” Madeline said, shrugging her shoulders as she did so.

“Hypoallergenic dogs exist, they don’t shed. Even so, I’ll vacuum the floors, it’s not a problem. I thought you liked to do it anyways. You never ask me to.” Jackson replied.

“I shouldn’t have to ask,” Madeline replied and they drove home to the deafening sound of their local pop station.

****

“I can’t believe you forgot the bug spray,” Madeline said as her hands flailed in front of her face. As the sun disappeared the bugs on Barlow’s Island were out in full force. He knows she hates bugs. She was a little hurt by the fact that he forgot but relaxed a little understanding he’s only human and humans make mistakes.

“I’m really sorry. I can hike back and get some.” Jackson replied really wanting to rectify this situation. It’s supposed to be a special night and he feel like he blew it. Jackson spent too much time focusing on the big picture. He knew Madeline hated bugs, and bug spray was on his list. He was just too caught up in the moment.

“I mean, honestly. I don’t want to be left here alone.” Madeline said. “Plus, that hike took forever. If I have to walk it again it’s to go back to reality and do something else for our anniversary,” Madeline’s arms were still flailing in front of her. She slapped at her itchy knee as a mosquito sucked on her warm blood. She just wanted a nice dinner and flowers. She didn’t understand why he always had to do so much. Hell, she’d settle for a movie night in. Spending quality time with him was all she needed.

To Jackson, it felt like someone was stabbing a hole through his gut. He wanted nothing more than to make this the night of her dreams, and he messed it up.

“Alright, I get it. Let me pack this stuff up really quick and we can go back to reality.” The pain in Jackson's voice was discernable. He began gathering the essentials and putting them into his backpack.

Madeline had a soft look on her face, almost a frown. She knew that this was something he was into. She just didn’t understand why they couldn’t meet in the middle. She knew he wanted to surprise her but she wished he would have let her give him ideas for the date.

****

“You forgot again?!” Madeline said.

“I’m really sorry, things just slip my mind. I can pick it.” Jackson replied, fiddling with two bobby pins in the keyhole to their apartment. They’ve been living together for six months now, and everything has been going great. He felt like the honeymoon phase would never end. Even if things did slip his mind from time to time, they always got over their differences quickly.

“This is the third time since we moved in that you’ve locked the door and forgotten the key.” Madeline had her fingers to her temple and rubbed it in a circular motion. She took a deep breath to calm her emotions because she felt her face getting warm.

“Y’know, why does everything always fall on me? Why didn’t you remember the key?” Jackson asked as he continued his struggle.

“I don’t know, it’s just our routine. When we go out together, you get to hold the key. Men have bigger pockets, it’s only fair.” Madeline pushed back. She doesn’t like criticism and she hates to be wrong, but she couldn’t help but feel like he had a point.

“I guess some things never change," Jackson said finally managing to get the doorknob to turn.

“No, you’re right. I’m sorry. We both forgot. It’s not all on you.” Madeline let out a sigh and put her hand on Jackson’s forearm. “Thank you. I wouldn’t have been able to do this. So thank you.”

Jackson flashed her a smile and pressed a kiss to her forehead as they made their way into the home they’ve forged together.

****

“Wow, so I guess we’re stuck here together, huh?” Jackson said staring at the tide as it covered the wooden bridge in three feet of pitch-black water. It was far too deep to protect their belongings and between the long walk back and the chilly spring air, it wasn’t worth the risk. They didn’t have any towels, either. Jackson had a lot of things planned, but swimming wasn’t one of them.

“I guess so,” Madeline said with a sigh. There were a thousand things going through her mind and she was tired. Maybe sleeping with the bugs won’t be as bad as that horrible hike with wet clothes. She was trying to make the best of it like she always had.

“I promise I’ll make it all worth it. We can make a blanket fort or something. I brought plenty of those. Maybe we can find big sticks in the woods to prop it up, then the bugs can’t get to us. Just me, you, and some good food.” Jackson always tried to look on the bright side of things and at least they have each other. He wrapped his arm around her shoulder and started leading them back to the campsite.

“I guess I don’t really have another choice, do I?” Madeline replied fiddling with her hair between her fingers.

****

“Dude, I can’t spend every waking second with you. I have a life too! I’m twenty-four, I need to be able to go out and do my own thing.” Madeline yelled. Her hair and make-up were immaculate, and she was ready to hit the club with the girls. Her long blonde hair was sitting in perfect curls down her back. She was wearing a skintight black dress and a pair of strappy heels. She hadn’t seen her girlfriends in a few months and really wanted to catch up with them. She loved spending time with Jackson but sometimes she just wanted space.

“I know, I know. I’m sorry.” Jackson said with his hand rubbing the nape of his neck. He always did this. Anxiety would overwhelm him whenever Madeline left. His brain told him over and over that she doesn’t actually like him. That she doesn’t want to spend time with him. That she might be seeing someone else. “I just get lonely without you. I feel left out.”

“We spend every day together, and we’ve lived together for eight months. It’s okay to spend time apart, I promise.” Madeline calmed her tone and walked over to Jackson. “You can be your own person without me. I love you but you gotta fall back a little.” She reached out to grab his hands in reassurance. She couldn’t understand why he could see her point of view but recognized that she failed to be empathetic to his. She wasn’t do anything wrong when she went out. She was always honest. She knows what happened to him in his past, but she would never do that to him.

“I know, I know. I’m sorry.” Jackson never wanted to mess anything up, but it seemed like it was the only thing he was good at. He can’t help but creating false narratives in his own head. He was so afraid to lose her that he felt himself pushing her further and further away.

“I’m sorry too,” Madeline replied. “I’m sorry you feel so anxious even though I don’t understand what I ever did to make you feel that way. Just trust me, please. How can this ever work if you don’t trust me? Just keep that in mind. I’ll see you later tonight. I promise.” She kissed him on the cheek as she walked out the door.

Jackson listened to the muffled clicks of her heels as she disappeared down the apartment complex’s hallway. He sunk into the couch wishing he had a dog with him to keep him company.

****

Madeline was having trouble falling asleep. The tent they had jerry-rigged together did an okay job keeping the bugs at bay, but she couldn’t calm her mind. She’d been replaying every aspect of their relationship like a movie in her head. She didn’t feel like this was working out anymore. It hurt her knowing that she was going to hurt him.

“I want to break up,” Madeline said abruptly.

Jackson was snoring, soundly asleep next to her. He was drooling on the sweatshirt pillow he had made for himself.

“Jackson,” Madeline shook his body. Though she hated the sound of his snoring she did think he looked quite cute when he slept.

“What? What? What’s happening?” Jackson looked around frantically and grabbed the closest object that he might be able to substitute a weapon. He settled on the blue tooth speaker they had used to listen to music. “Did we miss the sunrise?” He had an alarm set for 5:30 AM. That’s when he was going to seal the deal. He wasn’t sure if it never went off but realized shortly after it was still dark out.

“No, we didn’t miss sunrise. I- I have to tell you something,” Madeline said with a gulp. The lump in her throat was nearly unbearable. “We’ve got to break up.” Madeline replied dropping her head.

“What do you mean?” He lowered the speaker, and his stomach was doing flips. He touched the jewelry box in his pocket and it felt like it would burn a hole through his skin.

“It’s just not working out. I just don’t think it can.” Madeline looked deeply into his eyes. They relaxed in a sorrowful way. She cupped his cheek with her hand and rubbed it with her thumb. She cared about him deeply, but not in the way she did a year ago.

“I just don’t understand. Everything has been so amazing. This has been the best year of my life. What did I do wrong?” Jackson asked, his body slumped in defeat, hiding his red eyes. Jackson knew deep down what she’s saying was true. But he believed this was destiny, that this relationship was a prophecy. The very thing he had been searching for his entire life. These delusions blinded his priorities. He focused too hard on the wrong details.

“We are on different paths in life, don’t you see it? I know you’re not blind.” Madeline removed her hand from his face. “You deserve someone with the same goals. And I need someone who’s willing to give me some distance.” Madeline felt a tear roll down her cheek. “I love you, but we can’t keep doing this. I’m so sorry.”

“As soon as tide falls, we can get out of here.” Jackson swallowed his pride and started packing the camp site.

Sunrise loomed over the horizon as dawn hurried upon them. There was a deafening silence as they each prepared for their next chapter. Their minds abuzz with all the changes that lie ahead. At least they caught the sunrise.

Tide fell and they walked back to Jackson’s truck together for the last time.