ARE YOU TALKING TO M E?

ARE YOU TALKING TO ME ?

What’s New, Pussycat?

??? ??? ???

So many songs ask questions that some of us, depending on the situation and person asking, don’t want to answer.

Through the years, I’ve met so many men who would love to think how clever they are by singing a title just to grab the attention of a woman who is trying desperately to ignore them.

Haha. (I actually chuckled out loud, making my husband wonder what was so funny.) I’ve seen it many times. I’ve also been an unwitting victim many times.

And yet, for what it’s worth, as the saying goes, “Boys will be boys” but in this case, they’ve already grown up – sort of.

Their ingenuity always keeps me amused, even now at my age.

Here’s one for the books, even though it isn’t a song (yet). When I was single (way too many years ago), a man, who worked for the same company as I did, walked up to me, and said (here is a direct quote): “I’d say hello but you’ve already heard that line before.”

He was right. I had heard it many times. And, before you ask, no we never dated. I’d just gone through a nasty divorce and spent most of my free time with my young sons.

But let’s forget non-fiction and get back to my little fictional tale about songs and singing, probably the way-off-key versions.

Keeping that in mind, using song titles, I’ve created a conversation that has through the years, on occasion, run through my mind.

Hope you enjoy a bit of my warped imagination.

??? ??? ???

I’m sitting at a table in a lounge with a few of my friends. It’s a “girls’ night out” and we’re passing the time, laughing, joking, having a few drinks, and enjoying each other’s company. We try to do this once a month.

He’s at the next table and leans over. I hear him grunting as though he’s trying to clear his throat. Then it starts!

Him: What’s Your Name? Is it Mary or Sue? What’s Your Name? Do I stand a chance with you?

Me: (I’m ignoring him but turn my head so he won’t see me roll my eyes and giggle.)

A few minutes later:

Him: What’s New, Pussycat?

Me: (Still ignoring him but thinking: What the hell? Did he just call me Pussycat?)

He leans a bit more and I’m worried he might fall out of his seat, but I still ignore him.

Him: If I said you had a Beautiful Body, Would You Hold It Against Me?

Me: (rolling my eyes at his cliché, I whisper to my friends, “Did you just hear that?”)

He turns his chair a bit.

Him: Do You Really Want to Hurt Me?

Me: (Still sitting with my friends trying to ignore him, I turn away hoping he noticed my deliberate turn.)

Him: Are You Lonesome Tonight?

Me: (I think quietly, hell no!)

I turn away a bit more.

Him: Will You Love Me Tomorrow?

Me: (silently wondering Who Are You?)

He inches his chair a bit in my direction.

Him: Do You Love Me?

Me: (lowering my head into my hand in frustration, I shake my head and say to my friends, “why me?”)

Him: How Will I Know?

Me: (Slowly raising my head to look at him)

He smiles and gives me a hopeful look.

Him: What Becomes of a Broken Heart?

Me: (Not verbalizing but thinking: What Part of No Don’t You Understand?)

He reaches out and touches the back of my chair.

Him: Should I Stay, or Should I Go?

Me: Finally deciding to say something aloud, I ask him, as my friends and I get up to leave: DO YOU KNOW THE WAY TO SAN JOSE?

??? ??? ??? ???

My friends and I are now giggling like very young ladies as we make our way to the door.

Aileen looks at me and says, “Well, he was cute.”

Me: “Aileen, so is my husband!”

Jordan: “Well, I’m not married so we could have changed seats.”

Me: “Jordan, he reeked! It was obvious that he’d had way too much to drink.”

Shelly: “What would you have done if he asked for your phone number?”

Me: I smile as I answered, “I would have sung, 634-5789!”

Our giggles became almost pants-wetting laughter. We strolled arm-in-arm to the parking lot we were able to find four spots in a row. (We always try to do that. Safety in number is our motto. Still laughing, we hugged, said our good-nights, and headed to our homes.

I’d stopped writing a journal years ago but that night, I seriously thought of starting a new one.

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Back to reality, this little figment is making me think that my friends and I might want to consider forgetting our monthly lunches and opt for dinner. Hmm! It sure is a thought, now, isn’t it?