Anna's Tavern

Anna von Kleve willingly took the job as a landlady after her death. It sounded exciting at the time: something to do. She was giving fellow departed souls comfort and company in the afterlife. She never expected life after death to be like this. No one had wings or horns, and realms were overcrowded. Contrary to what she had read, Satan was a nice guy, always tipped.

Anna had changed the tavern's name to Flanders Mare. Most souls referred to it as a cafe nowadays. After serving a cappuccino to Julius Caesar, Anna's infamous ex-husband, Henry, barged into her Flanders Mare. She heard that it was he who gave her the nickname as an insult, but Anna loved horses so the joke was on him.

After serving a cappuccino to Julius Caesar, Anna's infamous ex-husband, Henry, barged into her tavern. He knew how to make an entrance in his past life, but he never mastered discipline. Out of the six women he married, she was the last one to die.

"Hello, Henry." She smiled. She had always been grateful for how he treated her after the divorce. But no fancy castle or fine jewels can take away the cruelty he had inflicted on others.

Five centuries later, they still talk about it. Anna even had customers claim that they had played her in productions. She had no idea what a television was or a show. It seemed only the ones that had recently died knew.

"Have you seen Zeus?" Henry viewed himself as God in his life. Now he had an answer to Gods.

She shook her head. "Not today."

"I need to speak to him!"

"Why don't you pop over to see Mary?" Anna suggested. "She was here yesterday. She got to meet her idol. I'm sure she'll tell you all about it."

"Not now, this is important!" He didn't seem to care about his daughters. He spent his life chasing male heirs. Now, he spent his death trying to join the Legendary Monarchs. His daughter, Elizabeth, was invited to join the moment she died. "Surely Zeus has been in this morning."

"I haven't seen him today," Anna said. "If I do see him, I'll let him know you were looking for him."

Henry took a seat. "No need; I will wait until he turns up."

"Perhaps there is another God you can talk to?" Anna suggested. "Hades is just over there. But maybe give him some space: it's his first day off in 200 years."

"HADES!" Henry roared.

Anna was unsure what to expect. Everyone was dead, so why would being in some club matter to Henry? Nobody was able to take with them any titles or possessions they had from Earth. Of course, Henry, being the man he was, believed he had to be the exception to everything.

Hades stared at him. Anna could tell he'd rather be left alone. "What can I do for you?"

"When is Zeus coming?"

Hades shrugged his shoulders and focused on his coffee. "No idea. He's on annual leave for two centuries. Maybe it's something I can help you with."

"I want to know why my application to join the clan of Legendary Monarchs has been declined."

"Ah!" Hades examined his cup: only a few drops left. "Yes...that's nothing to do with me. Can you get me another coffee please, Anna?"

Anna bowed. "Of course." There was no point hiding her amusement as many others were also laughing. "Milk and sugar?"

"Just make sure it's hot, just the way I like it."

"I don't like being ignored," Henry howled.

"Of course not," Hades said. "Have you considered having someone vet your application before you submitted it?"

"It's just not fair; I'm the King of England. I ruled England, and my soul is not treated with the respect it deserves. Michael Jackson and Elvis Presley have been inducted, and they weren't even monarchs."

Anna brought over two coffees. "But Michael Jackson was the King of Pop. And Elvis Presley was the King of Rock'n'roll."

Henry rolled his eyes and glared at his coffee in disgust. "They're not real kings. They didn't have kingdoms or battles to win."

"They certainly had their battles," Anna said. "Just... different. Earth is different to what it was when we were living there nearly five hundred years ago."

"They also didn't kill their wives," Hades hissed. "Nor did they go on a killing spree when things didn't go their way."

"Elizabeth got in the moment she died!" Henry reminded them all. "I should have been in it before her."

"Maybe you should just let it go," Hades suggested. "It's very tough getting accepted into Legendary Monarchs at the best of times. All this stress isn't good for your soul."

"I must fight for what's rightfully mine. There are people in that clan that have no right to be there."

"Shut up!" Julius Caesar shouted from the other corner of the cafe. "You didn't get in because you couldn't even govern your household, let alone a kingdom." Julius rose from his chair and hurled his empty coffee cup across the room. It struck Henry in the chest. "You're nothing without your wives!"

There was something else Anna's stepdaughter Mary had mentioned too. She wondered if Henry knew about it. "By the way, Henry, have you heard the news about Catherine?" Anna asked.

Henry narrowed his eyes, brushing the broken cutlery off his vest. "Which one?"

"Mary's mother. Remember when I told you that Mary came yesterday; she told me the most wonderful news."

Henry sighed. "What's that stubborn cow done this time?"

"She's been inducted into the Legendary Monarchs by Goddess Athena," Anna announced, smiling. She could feel the storm brewing within Henry.

"And jolly well deserved, too!" Julius Ceaser roared with applause.

"She's done this to spite me. Wait till I get my hands on her!" Henry rose from his chair. "Good day, everyone."