Alchemist

It wasn't coming back to me, so I took a walk in the garden again.

See, some of the old texts are rather difficult to translate. Faded spots, mis-translations, deliberate obfuscations, coded language - you name it, I've seen it a dozen times and more. It can drive you mad, wondering if "Blood Stone" means haematite or heliotrope. There's a slight difference between those two! The first is an iron ore that seems to "bleed" when you drill it under water (and you'd better use water, don't inhale that dust!), and the other is a quartz-heavy jasper of the green variety that looks like it has drops of blood-

Ah, I see your eyes glazing over. My apologies. I get caught up in the great work, and it consumes me. Therefore I think it consumes everyone else as well. Or maybe it consumes the world, the way I see the writings.

I wanted to ask you about this latest set, that your uncle sent and wishes translated as expediently as possible. You see, I cannot. I have neither the skill nor the time, with the other-

What? Who would dare pull funding on me?

....I see.

Well. I guess that changes things, doesn't it?

Fine. So I'm just, to, what, throw out all my good work, years of dedication to the craft, for the whim of he who squats on the throne? I don't give my pet rat's tail that you're his nephew, I've been around longer than both of you combined, so you can sit on your pride. No one else can translate these texts, can they? I'll bet my last codex he's tried. I'm all that's left, eh? Hah. So your empty threats mean nothing, puppy.

Ah, hand one over. Let's see... Mmm, standard Latin so far, dedication to his patron, blah blah obsequious patter...oh, it's an ancestor of yours, let's see, the third Earl, so your great...great...great? Grandfather? Yes, portrait in gray in the long hall. Yes, I remember the symbol - the marigold in his hand. Again, metaphor, yes? Coded meaning? I believe he dressed in sober gray to prevent anyone from poisoning him in bright colorful clothing, if I recall rightly. Paranoid fellow. But he lived to his late eighties, so he may have been correct.

Your branch carries a different flower, does it not? Of course, forget-me-not. Your father carries a grudge till the grave and beyond. Never cross him, beg forgiveness quickly, I always say.

Ah, yes, these old tomes are rather dusty! There's fresh well water- Or, that pot of tea, if you insist, it's freshened with rosemary and thyme from my garden. Rosemary for remembrance, you know. A touch of lavender for gentle sleep-

Again, you do not care. You should, youngling. Messages are important. Coded messages even more so. You should remember that, and rosemary will help.

Very well, the book. Pardon me, I will go past the rather long and winding introduction. Ah, a handy table of contents. What part did you want help with? It seems rather straightforward, in a language any my age could tell you. Even your tutor should have a solid grasp-

Then why didn't you tell me the specific section you wanted? Who's wasting whose thyme here?

Me? Horrible puns? Never. I have much more important work to do.

Very well. The section on Herbs and Flowers? Not a very subtle chapter, seems like the standard poesy meanings of the plants to me. Coded message? Ah, are you paying attention after all? Let's see...hm, hmm hmm, local flower language, pansy for thoughts, rose for love. This one lists the yellow rose as enemy only, that's more unusual, it's been watered down to friendship since this was written. If you have a secret lover, you should go with a blush rose-

Oh, wait. What's this? Those dots, aside some entries. Let me get my spectacles.... They were added later, the ink is shiny. So, not oak gall ink like the letters, perhaps an iron gall blend? Added later, then. And much more expensive ink than the oak gall. Looks like your uncle was right after all! Dots around a foursquare, I wonder if it's a standard code, or some family secret?

Hand me that scrap of foolscap, would you? Let's see...an "A" would be the dot at the bottom, an "E" a dot to the east, "I" a dot in the middle, an "O" to the left, for "Oestre," the old word for "West"...

Yes, yes, finish the pot. This will take a bit of time....

Well, it's definitely a message for the family, I'm afraid. Was there a wedding recently? Yours? Really? Who is the lucky lady? Ah, yes, the sole inheritor of that choice bit of land your uncle's had his eye on for over twenty years, that makes sense. Oh, I'm sure it was a wonderful celebration! Oh, perhaps I got an invitation, I usually do, it's probably around here somewhere. I keep the good parchment bits, scrape them clean, and use them for notes and formulas and suchlike. Too much wine for my taste, I'll admit. Oh, you had a tipple too many? Well, that explains the message. Can't see too well? Do you need my spectacles? Very well, I'll read it to you:

Fools Who Insult Their Rightful Ruler Do Not Live Long.

Yes, rather dramatic, isn't it? I had heard that you got stinking drunk, insulted the king, and your new bride, and even her father. Got rather a lot of people in a snit, yes? And didn't grovel as soon as you sobered up. You see, you should have paid attention to the portrait gallery, my boy. Your uncle, in deep burgundy, holding a full posy of marigolds.

Marigolds, you see, are a coded message. For orpiment. A poison. Used rather effectively, I'm afraid. Can be added to tea, tasteless when used with herbs.

Yes, the shakes are the next symptom after the blurriness. Luckily your bride can be remarried rather quickly to your older brother, who prefers to hold a bluebell, the symbol of loyalty. It's a shame the lessons were wasted on you. I just wish the king would stop using me as his personal assassin, I have work to do, and now I need a new tea pot again...