Albatross

A line from the song ‘Cool Change’ repeats in my head. ‘I was born in the sign of water, it’s there that I feel my best, the Albatross and whales they are my brothers …..’

It’s true, I love the water, the freedom, the open expanse lets a person breathe. I have a little internal chuckle with that thought as we bob up and down with the waves. At evening, the contrast of stars cast their ethereal light against the black sheet of night while hovering above the dark waters, this is heaven

I’m tired, the lifestyle I had is for the young and foolish, when we are indestructible, invincible and the world is ours for the taking. I’m in the regret phase of life.

Glancing up I see my wife standing there, our eyes meet, and I feel a pang within my heart that attracted me to her years ago. No one could have asked for a better wife, or life.

Except the regret.

I worked too many hours, telling myself it was for us, she tolerated my absence, knowing that even when I was there my mind was not. Yet she never blamed or abandoned me. Our life was not what we planned, now it‘s my turn to make it up to her. I promised I would retire this year and stayed true to my word. The rest of our lives will be for her, the two of us forever.

This day has been too long coming, she stood by my decision to sail down the west coast then on to Hawaii. A compromise of sort, She wished to fly to the Islands I wanted to sail there. She isn’t comfortable on the vast expanse of the ocean, while I revel in the freedom. We’ve done short excursions in the past, which she agreed was enjoyable. It is the long voyage she worries about. I held her and said, by the time we reach our destination, she will be a true sailor.

Starting from Seattle we follow a south westerly route to catch the prevailing trade winds which start around Panama. We stop to take on supplies before heading west to paradise. My chest tightens with pride as I watch her interact with every stray dog and child in every port. They laugh with joy and excitement while tagging along with her, she’s a natural mother.

We never had children of our own, another regret.

The weather is perfect, the days are full, and work is hard, but I find it exciting. Tired as I feel tonight, we sit together, wine, food, conversation. I feel love pulsing through my heart while gazing into her eyes.

Those beautiful eyes.

Another regret is that I failed to recognize the signs for what they were. Suddenly my chest tightens once more, pain shooting down my left arm. I realize too late. The light I hoped to live in, soon fades into darkness.

‘I was born in the sign of water ……’