A Thought As It Drowns

Existence is pain. As I gather myself, the rushing of people around me only adds to the throbbing in my head. Where was Terry?

I was just talking to Terry at the café by his place. What happened?

Through my blurry vision I can barely make out individuals. Everything is mostly an abstract blob. The world as if made by Salvador Dali and Wassily Kandinsky. The throbbing in my head made the fuzzy lines dance.

I’m laying down, but not quite. I finally understand my right arm is pinned under myself and my head is against a wall, I’m on the ground. I look down at myself and I can make out the shape of my glasses on the pale colored floor. I reach for them and put them on, not even checking to see if they’re dirty. It just seemed unimportant considering the last thing I remember was Terry, at the café, and my tea.

Wearing my glasses helped quite a bit, I could at least tell people apart. My throbbing head still kept understanding at bay.

There are a few people around me on the floor as well. A woman lay beside be, her head and an arm draped over my legs. Had we fought?

No, that didn’t feel right, the way we were both down. Down… where?

I twist in my position, working to try and release my arm from under myself. I reach up a hard plastic wall in front of my face and found the top. I grab and pull up best I could. I move upward and found my back relieved of pressure. I was able to sit in a chair.

Looking around now, I realize I am on a train.

Someone running down the aisle trips over the woman’s legs. This seems to finally be enough to wake her. With my head swimming, I just watch as she struggles not to drown in the ocean she found herself in.

She sat up and looks around, finally seeing me there.

“What the hell?” she said. She didn’t sound angry, just a bit confused. Her words slurred too. Was she drunk?

I don’t know what to say. I stare at her and try to shrug. I can’t really feel if my body was responding.

The train car jerks, as if it had switched tracks too fast. I slowly turn to look out the window to my right and see that the darkness beyond would not give me any clue to where I was.

Others’ panicked voices start to rise. There’s an argument, I think. Two deep voices. A higher voice cuts in.

The woman on the floor tries to stand, her legs clearly unsteady. She wants to sit but is obviously concerned to sit beside me. She glances around and manages to stumble into a seat across the aisle. The two people on the floor there apparently not bothering her.

I lick my lips as a sensation comes across them. They’re chapped, and I might’ve bitten my cheek while on the ground. Am I tasting blood? It certainly wasn’t like that earlier today.

Was it even still today?

I mean, how long has it been since the café?

The train jerks again.

My mind slowly clearing, I look around the car again. Best I can tell, there are about fifteen people, four I can see that were on the floor. Being at this end of the car I can’t know what lay between the seats ahead, but most of the standing people were further up in the car.

Had they done this?

I stare intently. A woman notices and rushes toward me.

“You’re awake! What’s your name?”

I try to speak. I have no reason not to tell her my name. Clyde. Why can’t I speak? All the parts seem there.

I finally push hard enough and manage a heaving sigh of “Cuughy.” Sounding like I had no tongue and massive sinus infection.

Grimacing, she sat beside me.

“Ok, don’t talk.”

Ok, seems I can’t really anyway.

“Just shake your head if you understand me.”

I shake ‘yes’, I think. She continued.

“Do you know who you are?” I shake my head yes. I at least know I’m on a train. “Do you know who I am?” I shook my head ‘no’ now. She swore softly. “Do you know how you got here? How I got here? How any of us got here?” Again, a ‘no’ for me.

If all those people talking are as confused as she is, and I am plenty confused myself, then it seems as though we were pretty screwed at the moment.

The car jerks again. The voices in front grow more frantic.

“How with it are you man?” the woman said. She turns my head to face her when she spoke again. I just stare. She gets up and goes to talk to the woman who had been on my leg.

The car jerks. I feel a difference in how bad now. I’m concerned the train might actually jump the track.

I watch as the woman walks back to the others in front, leaving me and the other woman in our seats.

“They know nothing too.”

I try to reach out a hand to get their attention. She glances back.

“Clearly having a bad reaction to being drugged.”

Drugged? That made a bit of sense. Were they drugged too?

My head feels full of water. Each time the car jerks, it sloshes around more and more. After it jerks again, I let my head lean against the window.

I remember, Terry, and the café, my tea. Was Terry here too? I hope he’s ok.

The lights of the car are suddenly dwarfed by the blinding sun from outside. I work to recognize what lay beyond the train. It’s a city. Judging by blurry people and buildings, the train is going way too fast.

A crackle over the speaker system immediately hushes the voices in the car.

“Thank you for your service.” The voices in front remain silent.

What is that supposed to mean?

I look up at the group gathered. Still, no one is speaking. I look out the window for the last time.

Terry, the café, my tea, a sharp pain.

A sudden stop launches my body forward, breaking me apart. The rear train cars trying to occupy the same space I am.