A Self Made Man

I was sitting at a desk inside of RepliTech Labs, Inc, asking the licensed therapist for the company’s promised solution to my problem.

“I’ve been very depressed. I haven’t accomplished anything in my life. I’d thought I’d start my own business by now, or at least be the manager of a store. I’m not even assistant manager. I’m a janitor, and I work at a janitorial supply company. In other words, I clean up for the people who sell the cleaning goods to the people who clean up. I want to build my better self so I can accomplish my dreams of running my own successful business, then write a biography about it,” I said.

“Well, Mr. Lowbottom, we have a solution for you. We’re going to send you a robot in the mail, and you’ll assemble it and see your better self. All your dreams will come true,” the therapist said.

“Please, call me Blake. And by that, do you mean I’ll see how to be my better self?” I asked tentatively.

“Yes, of course,” she said. I smiled and reached out to shake her hand.

“Thank you so much! I’m so excited for the package,” I said while vigorously shaking her hand.

“It will be life changing, I assure you, Blake. And here, take this. It’s the key to everything, it will activate your package after assembly. Without it, nothing works,” she said, pulled her hand out of my firm grasp, reached inside her drawer and handed me a mechanical eyeball.

“Don’t worry. It’s a mechanical eyeball. Once you insert it into your package, after assembly of course, your package will activate and use this eyeball to scan your memories. That way, it will know how to be the best you,” the therapist said.

“You mean show me how to be the best me? So it can teach me how to be the best me?” I asked.

“Yes, of course. Have a nice day Mr. Lowbottom… I mean Blake,”

“Thank you, Linda. Have a fantastic day yourself,” I said.

I took the glass elevator back down to the bottom floor of the skyscraper, waved to the guard who let me in as I walked passed him, walked out the giant glass automatic doors, then took the new bullet train home. The whole train ride home I couldn’t stop staring at the eyeball. What could it be the key to? Why didn’t they just send me the eye in the mail with the rest of the robot?

The train finally arrived at my stop and I walked the rest of the way home. When I got there I saw drones dropping off a large package. This must be the robot from RepliTech.

The drones detached the wires holding the package and flew off. I opened the door and dragged the heavy box inside.

I opened the package and all the different parts were in individually wrapped packages. They weren’t kidding when they said I had to assemble this thing myself.

There was a note on top. It said “for full instructions, unwrap mouth first.”

I unwrapped the mouth, which was just an upper lip and a jaw. This activated the eyeball, which scanned the mouth. The mouth turned on and startled me when it said, “Hello. I’m the first piece of your new robot. Please unwrap the rest of the face next,” I did what it asked.

It gave me more instructions after that until the robot was almost fully assembled.

“Now insert my eye,” the metallic monstrosity said.

I put the robot’s eyeball inside it’s socket and stepped back. The eyeball quickly scanned me. Then skin grew around the robot’s metal. It’s body transformed into one that looked like mine, his face morphed into mine.

“Hi. I’m the new and improved Blake Lowbottom,” the robot said.

“No, I’m Blake Lowbottom. You’re here to teach me how to be the new improved me,” I said.

“That is incorrect,” the robot said.

“What’s that supposed to…” I started to say.

“I’m here to replace you, not teach you,” the robot said in a voice that sounded exactly like mine.

The robot unhinged it’s jaw, opened its mouth wide, and as I turned around to run it grabbed me and swallowed me whole. It’s mechanical gears ground me into a pulp.

The robot then called my mother.

“Hey mom. I know it’s been a while. How about I come over for dinner,” the robot asked.

“That would be fantastic, sweetie. You sound so much happier then you did last time we spoke,” my mother replied. She didn’t have a clue who she was actually speaking too.