A Quick Smoke

The stench of piss burns the hair in my nostrils. The bed sheets are infested with stains and every time I focus on them, I can see small black dots moving. The white walls are discolored with a disgusting washed-out brown.

I dig into my pockets and take out my pack of cigarettes and lighter. I toss my lighter on the bed and rip the cigarette pack open.

My hands' quake and I drop on it on the floor, my cigarettes spilling onto the carpet. The carpet is just as washed out as the wall, with the same brown tint.

My stomach churns, but I grab a cigarette off the carpet and pick up my lighter.

I flick my thumb on the lighter but the flame refuses to stick.

My phone starts to vibrate in my pocket, but I stay focused on flicking.

The flame finally lights up. I press the flame against the end of my cigarette, and I see the end light up. I shut the lighter and press the cigarette against my lips. I take in a large gulp of air and huff out a smog above my head.

A buzz of nicotine hits my brain. It’s almost enough to make me smile.

My phone starts to vibrate in my pocket again.

I slap my lips on the cigarette and take a puff so big, that my entire head feels the buzz of the nicotine.

Even with my buzz, my phone is becoming difficult to ignore.

I lower my hand into my pocket and take out my phone. I bring the screen to my face, and it’s bright enough to blind me.

I stare at the screen as it continues to vibrate, but I can’t bring myself to answer. I keep my face glued to it until it stops.

I throw my phone on the bed and take another puff. I tap the end of my cigarette, trying to think of something. As the ashes fall onto the carpet, a part of me wishes for a fire to start from them.

My phone screen goes white and starts vibrating again, causing me to jump out of my own skin.

It vibrates once, then twice, and then a third time.

I snatch it off the bed and answer it. “Hello?”

“Where are you?” Her voice pierces into my ears. I try to respond, but all my lips can do is tremble. “Hello? I know you’re there. I just heard you respond,” she said, screaming.

“I can’t hear you. You’re breaking up.”

“Stop lying! You can hear me just fine.” My hands start trembling. “Do you know how many chances I’ve given you, Mary? Every time I cut you some slack, you do something even dumber than before.”

“I’m… I’m sorry, okay? I didn’t know what to do. I told you I didn’t want to go that bar, but you kept insisting that I go with you and—”

“Shut up! I don’t want to hear any more of your excuses. You escalated the situation to where it never needed to be, and then you left me for dead. Don’t you have any shame? Don’t you ever feel pathetic because of who you are?”

“I thought I was protecting you…”

“You thought you were protecting me by running away when I was surrounded? That’s your idea of protection?”

“I…”

“Save it. Don’t even waste your time trying to make an excuse. It’s my own fault for giving you so many chances. Never speak to me again. If you ever try to, then we’re gonna have a problem.”

“Wait! I thought you were running behind me. I thought we were coming back to the motel together.”

“Goodbye,” she said, hanging up.

I was trying to protect her. I swear I was, I swear. Wasn’t it obvious? Why doesn’t she understand how much I care about her?

I call her back, but she doesn’t answer. It goes straight to voice mail. I call a second time, the same result. A third time and she still doesn’t pick up.

I sit down on the edge of the bed and throw my phone at the wall. My eyes start to quiver, and my lips curl up

“This is what I get. After four years with you…”