A Pervert on the Porch

"Pervert!" Granny B declared, when a large man appeared damp, naked, and shriveled on her front porch.

He tried to shove past her into the house, but she slammed the door literally in his face. Granny B shut the blinds with a definitive clunk for good measure.

After turning up the heat a smidge (the weather was dreadfully cold outside), she made herself breakfast: two eggs over-easy with wheat toast and raspberry jam.

Despite the man's constant yelling outside, Granny B ignored him. It was well known that perverts liked attention.

But after the morning news with her favorite newscaster Dean Casey, she was dismayed to find him still making a scene on her porch, so she promptly summoned the police.

As officers wrapped the man in a blanket and escorted him to the awaiting gurney, Officer Braxten explained that Mr. Santas had accidentally fallen into a nearby pond when he was ice fishing. With his car keys lost to the lake, he took off his wet clothes because wearing them was only making a bad situation worse.

At his explaination, Granny B nodded agreeably and patted the officer's arm.

"You're a good boy. I can see that," she told him.

Behind Officer Braxton, Mr. Santas, who was about to be hoisted into the ambulance, weakly waved at Granny B .

She waved back and called, "You're on record now, you sick pervert! Keep your cucumber in your pants from now on!"

Smiling, she shut her door with a click.