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A Conversation with Abigail

Oh Dear. Somebody Please Help Me

By Cathy holmesPublished 3 months ago Updated 3 months ago 4 min read
Princess Abigail

I was excited to see Vocal’s Talking Tails challenge, as I felt it would be a good opportunity to have some fun with a quick piece, and once again highlight my adorable cat, Abigail. I woke her from a nap, thinking she would share my excitement and boy, was I in for a surprise. Below is my conversation with the self-appointed princess:

Cathy: Hey Abigail, you’re not going to believe this. Vocal has a new challenge for animals. Isn’t that exciting? It’s not just for dogs this time. It’s for any animal who can talk.

Abigail: When are they sending me my money?

C: They’re not just going to send you money. We need to win the challenge first.

A: Obviously, I’m going to win. I’m Abigail. Everybody loves me.

C: That doesn’t matter. It’s a writing contest. We need to submit a story that’s good enough to win, one that stands out above the rest.

A: Of course, it matters. I’m adorable. How could I not win?

C: The best written entry will win the challenge, Abigail. That won’t necessarily be yours. There will be a lot of worthy competition. All we can do is attempt to craft an enjoyable story and hope for the best.

A: Well, listen to you being all practical and stuff. You do know that if I don’t win, it’s only because you’re a lousy writer, right?

C: Excuse me?

A: You heard me.

C: That’s mean. I demand you apologize right now!

A: Fine. I’m sorry that you’re a lousy writer.

C: Ugh. That’s not what I meant. Anyway, we have to write a fiction story about talking animals. What do you think the plot should be?

A: I think it should be about me, about how perfect I am and how much you love me, even though you never give me enough treats.

C: Sounds good, except it has to be fiction.

A: Excuse me?

C: The talking animal story needs to be fiction. Your story is real.

A: Are you off your meds?

C: What? I don’t take meds. What are you talking about?

A: Well you should, if you think this conversation is anything but fictional.

C: Oh dear. Somebody help me, please.

A: Yeah, you need help all right.

C: Why are you being such an ass right now?

A: I have to. It’s a mandatory course in the cat school curriculum.

C: Cat school? You went to school?

A: Of course. It’s home schooling. We are taught by our mommies that we must be mean to survive. It’s a cruel world out there, you know. I had to chew nips off my brother’s ears to even get a spot on Mom’s tit.

C: Eww. That’s nasty.

A: Yeah, for sure. He didn’t taste very good. He learned not to mess with me though. Hey, maybe I’ll start chewing nips off your ears so you’ll give me more treats.

C: Don’t even try it. You don’t need more treats anyway. You’re already getting chunky enough.

A: Pot - kettle, blah blah blah. Besides, do I look like I care.

C: Seriously, we need to write this talking animals story. Do you have any ideas, other than how perfect you are? Think about something that’s not you, for a change.

A: That’s impossible.

C: Why?

A: (Rolls eyes, exhales deeply and mumbles something about needing God’s help.) Why do you keep forgetting that I’m a cat? I meow in your face in the middle of the night. I grab your toes to wake you up because I don’t want to be alone. I run around the house one hundred miles an hour. I scream at the balcony to get out, only to demand to be let in again thirty seconds later. Then I do it again. I’m a cat, you knob. It’s not possible for me to think about anything else but me.

C: Why are you so grumpy? People are not going to like you anymore if you continue to speak to me like this.

A: Ha-ha. People love me. They know it’s your fault and you deserve it.

C: What did I do?

A: You woke me up to tell me about the talking animal challenge, then you told me I might not win. Why would you do that? I was having a nice dream about mousies and my brother’s ears, and you ruined it. You got my hopes up, then you dashed them. Just like that fly that slipped out of my paws yesterday, I am left with nothing but broken dreams. How could you do this to me?

C: Dramatic much?

A: Is it working? Can I have treats?

C: No, you cannot. I gave you some this morning.

A: hmmpf! Fine then. I’m going back to bed. Don’t wake me again until you have good news or more treats.

C: Ok, Princess. Enjoy your nap. Hopefully you’ll be less grumpy when you get up.

A: hisssssss


About the Creator

Cathy holmes

Canadian family girl with a recently discovered love for writing. Other loves include animals and sports.

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Excellent work. Looking forward to reading more!

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Comments (47)

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  • Valentina Savageabout 23 hours ago

    Cute! I really like it! well written! I would be very happy if you go read one of my poems

  • I love cats a lot. This is a good conversation. Nice pictures. She looks cute.

  • L.C. Schäfer8 days ago

    She is the most cat of cats 😁

  • Robert James 18 days ago

    Great 😃

  • Roy Stevensabout a month ago

    Haha! She sounds so much like any of our four lads: vain and endlessly self-assured. She is beautiful though and deserves endless spoiling and praise... Uh oh, Abigail is controlling my mind from a distance...

  • Naomi Gold2 months ago

    Just now reading this. I love your sense of humor, and Abigail. She looks so cute in that second picture. 😻

  • Jay Kantor2 months ago

    Hi Cathy - YOU Talk to your followers - Perhaps a formula for your success? I strive to communicate with my 'readers' as well. Although we have very different 'Styles' we may have similar Hearts! I've written a short article 'Rescue' for - Pet Haven Minnesota - that put a lot of pets into new-homes; that's a nice feeling! Thank you for the smiles! Jay Kantor, Chatsworth, Cal. 'Senior' Vocal Author

  • Bev Cobbett2 months ago

    "A: Fine. I’m sorry that you’re a lousy writer." LOL You cracked me up. I almost spit out my coffee. Thanks for the laugh. Nice work with your talking cat story. :)

  • Alina Z3 months ago

    Admirable writing, done almost entirely in dialogue! While reading, I literally saw the cat in my mind, saying her lines. You cleverly found the essence of a cat's life - 'It’s not possible for me to think about anything else but me.' Lovely!

  • Safeera Sathar3 months ago


  • Caroline Jane3 months ago

    Awww... your cat is amazing! As is this story! 😁 Grinning from ear to ear. Glad I finally got to read it. ❤

  • Amy Liou3 months ago

    I love the humour in this. Great work!

  • Ward Norcutt3 months ago

    A cute conversation with with your kitty. Fum story

  • Cendrine Marrouat3 months ago

    I just love this! Abigail is quite the character, isn't she? I think she would get along famously with my cat Ginger.

  • Leslie Writes3 months ago

    Abigail is so snarky. I love her :)

  • Danwil Reyes3 months ago

    Whoaa...I truly enjoyed reading this!

  • Dana Stewart3 months ago

    Fun and feisty! Abigail is a double threat, beauty and brains!

  • Aphotic3 months ago

    The sass. Emulated the attitude of a cat so well here I’m questioning if it really is fiction🤔

  • Moe Radosevich3 months ago

    Very funny but certainly reassuring that “A” sits on the throne, 😂😂 nice story 😀

  • KJ Aartila3 months ago

    Lol! Couldn't wait to read Abigail's take on this! I was not disappointed. :)

  • This is great!!! I love it... The two of you are so cute together. Great job as always Cathy!!!

  • Mariann Carroll3 months ago

    Hail Abigail, She is back. The Queen . I cannot get enough of her. She is laugh out loud hilarious 😂 😂😂😂😂Thanks Cathy for sharing Abigail with us. She bring the best out of you for sure .

  • C. H. Richard3 months ago

    Oh that last picture of her is just so cute! She is precious! Love this story! ❤️

  • Gerald Holmes3 months ago

    I knew this was coming and knew it would be funny. LOL!! Laughed my ass off. I have met Abigail many times and can testify that this is her talking!

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