90 We Think Alike

"More coffee, please! Now, you were saying? A disgrace? There you go again with the blanket condemnations. Why am I a disgrace?"

"Well, just look at you!"

"Look at me? I'm wearing the stupid shirt you insisted I wear. I have that crap in my hair you insisted I cement it with."

"Styling gel."

"Yea, styling. That's me. You've got me stylin'."

"If that's what you call it."

"No, actually, I call it looking like a clown."

"Wrong, a clown makes people happy."

"Seen any horror movies lately?"

"That's what we are--a horror movie. I find you really scary now. I don't even know you any more."

"Yes you do. A disgrace, remember? You have a lot of nerve. I mean--look at you!"

"At least I'm doing things to improve."

"Like what?"

"You wanna know like what? Like my support group for codependency. Like my meditation classes. Like my political action group."

"You mean your LGBTQIA stuff?"

"LGBTQIA+. Plus. It's the plus I'm involved with."

"You're sure it's not minus?"

"Very funny."

"Clown, remember? And you haven't voted in years. That's activism?"

"I drive a Prius, for God's sake."

"Right. You're a Prius-driving, tree-hugging, Democrat-voting, diversity-embracing, profit-hating, whiny baby."

"Where's your MAGA hat, then, if you're so politically astute?"

"On top of this styling crap?"

"You're stupid."

"No, you're stupid. And kinda fat."

"Well, who thought our little talk wouldn't end like this? You always resort to name-calling when you can't argue your points."

"Just trying to keep your status current."

"Well, at least I don't talk with food in mouth."

"Like you're doing right now?"

"Oh, I hate you."

"That's your problem, you're way too hateful."

"Can you blame me? That's it, we're all done here."

"Why are you standing?"

"I've had enough! You have an anger problem, you do."

"I DO NOT HAVE AN ANGER PROBLEM, YOU [expletive deleted]! WHERE'S MY COFFEE?"

The waitress threw down her notepad and stormed over to the table.

"Y'know, I don't mind if you wanna talk to yourself like this every morning, but this is getting out of hand. The language! And now you're calling for more coffee? Call your doctor--give him coffee. He'll need it!"

______________

AUTHOR'S NOTES:

Pretty close to an actual conversation I heard (one-sided) from someone on their phone. Expletive deleted's were not fit for even here, even with a content warning.

Word count (excluding notes): 364

Submitted for Saturday, March 30, 2024

2024: A Story-a-Day for the whole year. This one is #90.

All pictures are AI-generated, but the imaginary person is not!