5 Rock-Solid Reasons Why God Definitely Exists That You Can’t Possibly Argue With

I recently wrote about how God cannot possibly exist. Since then, I’ve been informed by some of my readers that I was wrong. God does in fact exist, and here are some excellent reasons why that is definitely the case.

#1: The Bible says so

It’s right there in the first paragraph:

“In the beginning, there was God, who definitely exists. If you don’t believe this, you will go to Hell.”

And, since God wrote the Bible, it must be true.

Never mind that it was written in several different languages not everyone understands. Never mind that God was unable to translate it into English himself and needed a human to do it. That was just God delegating to prove how good he was at creating an excellent species.

#2: Without God, everyone would be evil rapists

All the good people in the world believe in God. It’s what keeps them behaving themselves — fear that he will send them to Hell. After they’ve died in a horrific flamethrower accident.

Some people say it’s impossible to believe something you don’t genuinely believe, but that’s nonsense. It is possible to force yourself to believe something if you’re worried something bad might happen if you don’t.

So, we know that the only thing stopping people from murdering and raping is their belief in God. If nobody believed in God, everyone would be evil. This proves that God exists.

But why isn’t EVERYONE good? This is explained in the next section which is immediately below this one.

But also, why are some people insane? The answer to that is: God works in mysterious ways that don’t make sense.

Why?

Don’t try to understand it. You’re just a human with a limited ability to understand things. God understands everything and it all makes perfect sense to him. If it didn’t, the universe would collapse in on itself.

#3: Satan exists, therefore so does God

As we proved in the last section, good people are only good because of God. But we know that there are evil people in the world. So, by the same logic, Satan must exist.

If Satan exists, so does God. If Satan existed but God didn’t, he would destroy everything. Since that hasn’t happened yet, it proves that God is there defending us against Satan’s evil plans.

By praying, we give God more power. If enough people pray, God will be able to kill Satan. When that happens, Earth will become Heaven and everything will be amazing all the time. This is what the Bible says.

Isaiah 41:15

“Fear not the evil of Satan. All you need to do is pray, and eventually I will kill him. Then everything will be splendid. Mark my word.”

#4: All the main religions worship some type of God

All religions can’t be right about everything. But they can’t all be wrong either. That’s just impossible if you think about it. Even if you don’t think about it, it’s still impossible.

Think about it and you’ll see what I mean. But even if you don’t, what I just said is still true.

So, since we know that at least one of the religions must be 100% correct, there must be a God.

It makes perfect sense, and if you don’t agree then you’re going to Hell. Satan will enjoy torturing you, and God won’t do anything to save you because it’s your own fault.

So just shut up and behave yourself, okay?

#5: My school teachers told me God was real

I spent the first seven years of my formal education in a Church of England primary school.

Every damn day they forced us to sing about how wonderful God was. In assembly, they were often going on about God. Would they have done that if he didn’t exist? I don’t think so, and neither should you.

I find it highly unlikely that those teachers were deluded or lying.

To hold down a job as a teacher, you have to be sane and honest. Any crazy or dishonest teachers soon get found out and fired from their job. There have never been any bad teachers in jobs for a long time.

This is a fact, and you can’t argue with facts. Well, you can try, but you will lose.

Conclusion

I have given five compelling reasons why God definitely exists. If even just one of these was true, it alone would prove that God exists. Since there are five reasons, that means there’s a 500% chance God exists.

To prove that God does NOT exist, you must provide six reasons why. Five to cancel out the ones I have given, then an extra one to prove otherwise.

Warning

This article is not a joke. I’m deadly serious. If you think it’s a joke, you need to take a long, hard look in the mirror. Then you need to smash that mirror. Then you need to vacuum up the smashed pieces. That is your punishment for not believing me.

Now go to your room and have a long, hard think about all the bad things you’ve done in your life.