You're Gonna Miss This

You're gonna miss this

You're gonna want this back

You're gonna wish these days hadn't gone by so fast

These are some good times

So take a good look around

You may not know it now

But you're gonna miss this

-Trace Adkins

I recently posted on Twitter that I was sick of being touched all the time by my little ones. It’s been nearly a year of being pulled at, yanked on, clawed, groped, sucked on, and laid on. And that’s just with my baby. There is another two years on top of that with my oldest. Day and night, night and day. Constant needy touching. I am exhausted and overwhelmed with touch/noise sensory overload. But the overwhelming response to that post, aside from mothers who are currently suffering the same exhaustion, was from older, I’m sure very well-meaning people, whose kids are grown, who commented with something along the lines of “You’re going to miss this when they’re older.”

And to that I say…Ugh!

Can we please stop telling parents who are going through a tough phase with their children that they will miss this when the kids are older? It’s terribly unhelpful, dare I say harmful, advice. It does nothing to support the person who is clearly struggling at the moment. If anything, it makes the situation worse. Because not only am I overwhelmed with my current situation, but now I’m feeling guilty for trying to rush through it or wishing it was over. And let’s just pile that guilt on top of all the other guilt I’m feeling as a new mom. What I’m going through is hard. Really really hard. It’s fraying my nerves and pushing me to the brink mentally, emotionally, and physically. I can guarantee you this: I. Will. Not. Miss. This.

Now, I love that Trace Adkins song, and it gets me crying every time. Because, yes, those perfect moments where my little one is cuddled up asleep next to me or doing something particularly cute or endearing, those moments are going by way too fast and I am well aware that there is a time in the very near future where I will miss them. I know that there is a time in the future when my kids will be moody teens and all I will want is my little boys back who just want a hug. But the current mental health crisis I am suffering, the sleepless nights and total exhaustion, the feeling of being completely overwhelmed for the majority of the minutes of every single day? That I will not miss. So please, don’t tell me I will. Sympathize. Empathize. Tell me your horror stories of similar times so I know I’m not alone in feeling so terrible. Or hey, here’s a thought: Offer to help! But please, please, don’t sit on your pedestal as a parent of an older child and tell me that I will miss this.

So, to my fellow parents of young ones who are trudging through these early years, I see you. This is a shit time a lot of the time. And while I know you wouldn’t give up having your kids for anything, because I wouldn’t either, I also know that it’s not all beautiful moments. There are a lot of really awful times when it comes to having little kids and it’s okay to want them to be over. Sometimes dreaming of the day when it will all be over is the only way to make it through. For now, let’s take a deep breath and repeat our mantra: It’s just a phase, it’s just a phase. That last phase ended and this one will too. I got through the last one. I can make it. Breathe.

And, in the future, when you’ve made it through the bad bits, if you need or want a good cry, and want to remember those little good bits, give this song a listen.