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You're Allowed to Be "Selfish"

Why it is okay to be a "selfish" mom sometimes.

By Rebecca HalePublished 5 years ago 4 min read
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You would do anything for your child. I see you, mamma. I see you give up precious moments of sleep and alone time to calm your crying baby. You see your child as the most prized possession, and how lucky that child is to have you cheering them on. I know you would give every ounce of your physical, mental, and emotional strength for the little people who calls you mommy. The thing is, you don’t have to. Honestly, it’s probably best if you didn’t. They need you to have all your strength. They need you to take care of you so that you can take care of them. Here are some ways you could be better at caring for your own needs.

Mental Health

Your babies deserve a mom who takes care of her mental health, but they aren’t the only ones. You deserve to take care of your mental health. Your life did not end the moment that cry pierced the silence and the umbilical cord was severed. Your life continues, and it needs the nourishment that comes from self-care. I know you, mamma. I know that you think about what your baby needs more than you think about your own needs. Just remember that taking care of your mental health will help you be the mom you dream of becoming. So yes, your kids need you to leave them with a sitter so you can take a breather. They need you to remember the person you were before bottles, diapers, and car-seats. They need to return to that hobby, finish that project, and learn that new skill. They need you to stop beating yourself up over something small. They need you to back away from Pinterest, because they could really care less about pretty salads or how organized the playroom is. They care about you being yourself and being comfortable in your own skin as a mother.

Physical Health

Hopefully this isn’t news to you, but you’re still human. Your body still needs to eat, sleep, and exercise. While those tasks may no longer be convenient, they are still essential. Do what you need to do to take care of yourself and your children. Co-sleeping saved my life, and I don’t regret it at all. I needed sleep, and so do you. Yeah, there will always be judgmental people lifting their noses to anything you do, but you just need to do what works for you and your family. Nowhere does it say that you must be sleep deprived or starving to fulfill your calling as a mother. If your baby is safe, fed, and changed, she will be okay if you grab a quick bite. You can’t take care of your littles if you aren’t taking care of you.

Relationship

Many couples feel that they need to put romance on the back burner while raising kids. They forget that those children would not exist without the love that brought them together. You need time with your significant other, just like you did in the dating stage. Things have changed, but that does not mean your feelings have to change as well. Your children are watching you, and what they learn about love, marriage, and families will come from what they see in your relationship. They need you to keep that love blooming. If you can’t afford a babysitter, find someone you trust to swap childcare or have at-home date nights. Spend alone time with your partner after the kids are asleep. You can tell your older children not to interrupt while Mommy and Daddy are talking or spending time together, unless there’s an emergency. Make time and room in your bustling lives for your romance to continue to grow.

I see you. I see you wondering if it’s selfish to take a break. It’s not selfish to breathe. You need to stop running on empty and thinking, this is just what good moms do. No. Good moms take care of themselves so that they can take care of their children. Your children are learning about life from your example. If you want your kids to know their worth, you have to know yours. If you want your kids to understand how to handle emotions, you need to. If you want your kids to be responsible stewards of their own physical, mental, and emotional health, you need to. If they don’t learn it from you, who will they learn it from. Be the person you want your children to be. In your journey through motherhood, be brave and don’t apologize. Motherhood is hard but is a beautiful journey if you will let yourself enjoy the breathtaking views along your way.

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