You Are SENsational

I met my biggest inspiration on a warm Friday in July of 2017. Although we had been connecting for a number of months beforehand, nothing could have prepared me for the wall of emotion I ran into the moment I met her. From only connecting through kicks and butterflies and imagining what she might look like, watching her open her eyes for the first time felt like I had finally been able to open mine for the first time in my life. I lost and gained so much on that day.

I lost a level of freedom. I gained more responsibility than I had ever had in my life. I lost my pre-pregnancy body. I gained the title of not just woman, but mother. I lost the carefree attitude I once had. I gained more love than I had ever felt. More pain than I had ever felt. More relief than I had ever felt. More fear than I had ever felt. I lost the person that I thought I was. I gained a whole new perspective.

Around 9 months after that first, life-changing meeting and 3 months shy of her first birthday it started to become apparent that our little girl did not act quite like her peers. She became distressed in social situations, she struggled with eye contact and affection, her development was delayed, she would have periods where she would become vacant and unresponsive and she wasn't responding to vocal cues or any form of communication.

As a parent in this situation it is easy to blame yourself for doing something wrong, to wonder endlessly about what might be wrong and whether you can fix it, and to become stressed not just about the immediate challenges this brings but to look to the future with concern for quality of life. Feeling confused and overwhelmed is absolutely justified but being different does not equal bad and my little superhero was, above all else, happy.

After months of working with many professionals from multiple organisations our girl's special educational needs began to be recognised and assessed which is an ongoing process even today. Despite still having more questions than answers, our little superhero has been enabled to grow in her own unique and spectacular way with the help of an excellent support network of professionals who have not only assisted her development, but supported us to better understand her fascinating world.

I lost a lot the day I met my daughter and I don't miss any of it because I gain so much more every single day just through knowing her. At the beginning of this journey I thought that I would be the teacher and she the student. I could not have been more wrong. She has taught me more in her short life than I had learned in all my years before her, and that is without even being able to communicate with me by conventional standards. I cannot wait for my little superhero to teach me even more about herself, myself and the world around us.

I am inspired by the way she interacts with the world around her despite the high levels of overwhelm and distress it can cause her.

I am inspired by the way she finds beauty in the tiny details and really pays attention to things that you or I might overlook.

I am inspired by her fearlessness (and absolutely petrified by it). If she runs head first into her future challenges like she does everything else then she will be unstoppable. She always gets back up when she falls.

Her independence inspires me. She is determined to solve her own problems with no help from others. She loves having time to herself and does not seek validation, self-worth or happiness within others.

Her ambition and logic inspires me. She will work at something until she figures it out, even if her way is not the standard way she will find a way. She finds and makes patterns in the most unlikely of places.

I am inspired by her lack of awareness and care for social norms. She is completely and utterly herself with no consideration for what others might think and it inspires me to try and be the same.

Her passion for the things she enjoys inspires me to submerge myself in the things that bring me joy.

Her ability to slowly but consistently expand beyond her comfort zone in ways that seemed impossible 12 months ago inspires me. She faces her fears with courage and she grows so much from it. I can only hope that one day I am brave enough to do the same.

She inspires me everyday to be my happiest, most authentic, inquisitive, passionate and silly self.

My little superhero changed everything. She is my biggest love, my biggest challenge and above all my biggest inspiration in life.

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For information and advice about autism and special educational needs you can visit the below links:

https://www.autism.org.uk/

https://www.sossen.org.uk/

https://nasen.org.uk/