Worries of a Mother

Becoming a mother is a hard enough job as is, let alone being a mother to a child of a different race. As a Caucasian woman I’ve never had to personally experience racism. However, my boyfriend of five years is Puerto Rican, and he has experienced prejudice throughout his life. I believe as a whole that white people are out of touch with the fact that racism is still very much alive in America. Of course, a group of people who don’t experience racism aren’t going to see that it is still an ongoing issue. It can be hard to relate to something you’ve never witnessed first hand.

Growing up in a small town, I was mostly around people of the same race as myself. The school I attended had just a handful of non Caucasian students. I’ve obviously never had anyone be racist towards me, but I’ve witnessed people be racist towards my partner. It’s such a painful and saddening thing to witness; seeing someone you love be treated differently just because his skin tone is darker than yours. Hearing stories from his childhood about him being made fun of for his complexion, and witnessing workers at the grocery store treat him differently than they treat me is an indescribable feeling.

When we were younger, he would always tell me that he hoped our children would look like me. On the surface this may seem like a normal thing to say and for most it is an innocent statement, but not in his case. He had hoped that our children would look white enough to pass as “just white” so that they won’t face racism. No one should ever have to pass as white simply to avoid racism and live a normal life.

When I found out I was pregnant I never thought “is my baby going to be dark or light?”. As a mother you’re excited to see what your baby will look like, but you’re never concerned with what race your child will favor. Throughout the pregnancy I never really had that moment of “my child is mixed” she was simply just our child. In July I gave birth to a gorgeous baby girl. Almost immediately after her birth the realization set in that she was a biracial individual. I realized for the first time that my daughter would grow up facing racism. As a mother you always want to protect your kid, but there are some things you just cannot hide them from. I should’ve been focused on what color eyes she was going to have, who’s nose she had, and who’s lips she inherited. Instead I was worried about what she would face in the years to come. I was terrified of her being judged for who she is and for who her parents are. I was worried that things beyond her control would cause her hardships throughout life. The very first instance of judgement came almost immediately. One day into our hospital stay the nurse came to ask for information for our daughter’s birth certificate. When she got to the race section, the look in her eyes and the voice she used to say, “so she’s half white and...half...Hispanic,” told me all that I needed to know. In a perfect world my daughter will never face racism in her lifetime, but this world is far from perfect.

There is an additional concern with her being mixed as well, fetishism. So often nowadays people want to have a mixed race child. There’s countless instagram accounts of mixed babies. People view mixed kids as more cute and unique than non mixed children. Every baby is cute and unique in their own way so why bother separating the multiracial babies from the group? Everyone wants to praise them for their light complexion and their lighter eyes; all that does is reinforce that they need to be light to be accepted and viewed as attractive. Even as they grow into adults mixed individuals are still fetishized for their looks. Many men will say that a mixed woman is more attractive because she looks “exotic” compared to other women. For example, at my job a coworker told me, while I was pregnant, that my daughter would be so beautiful because she will have light skin and dark hair. He also stated that mixed women are the most attractive. I don’t want my daughter to only be viewed as attractive because she’s biracial. Race should never equate with your beauty. No person should be deemed more appealing simply because they are any one race or skin tone. The darkness of one’s skin should never define them as a person; it is merely a genetic trait that can’t be controlled.

Unfortunately, I know my daughter will encounter prejudice and racism; that is inevitable. I also know that I will never be able to relate with my child when she goes through those types of situations. I will only be able to provide empathy for her. The pain I’ve experienced while witnessing my loved ones deal with racism is unfathomable let alone the amount of pain that must cause them. I can’t even begin to imagine the hurt that they feel when treated so poorly and unfairly because of their skin tone.