Without toxic parents, kids will do just fine.

We like to blame other people, it is an easy exit. And it is even easier to blame big, faceless concepts – culture, society, 'the way it is'.

Yet, this abdication of personal power is exactly what is keeping us away from a life of happiness, fulfillment and achievement. There is nobody coming to save us as we passively sit on our sofas, tired and spent, daydreaming and wishing things were different.

In a way, such behaviour is what creates that societal inertia and quiet inner discontent. However, if we keep doing what we are doing, we will keep getting what we are getting. A simple but profound truth.

Yes, the system has made our lives hectic and busy so we plunge our little ones in front of a tablet and a telly for a chance to do what supposedly has to be done or to have a breather, completely unaware that our kids might get treated to hours of on-screen violence and abusive behaviour, glorified in that awesome 4K. The violence might be cartoonish but, tragically, kids haven't developed the mental filter to alert them to this fact yet.

And so they stare at the screen with their eyes wide open, absorbing morally dubious but wonderfully colourful material for years on end. 10-15 years later they are labelled as 'troublesome' or 'difficult', perhaps making our life an exciting adventure. That just might be also because 10-15 years earlier they got treated to hours of their favourite characters bullying others (or being bullied), emotionally hurting others (or being hurt) and acting out scenes that 18+ rated movie scripts might shun because of unnecessary and overly graphical suffering that wouldn't pass the script approval stage. If you think it isn't happening, it might just mean you haven't paid enough attention to what you allow your kids to watch... (With some of the most household of names being the biggest offenders by the way!)

All in the name of peace of mind - temporary, short-sighted and completely devastating to the psyches of our next generation. All administered with a surgical precision and right when our kids are pretty defenseless against psychological trauma! A perfect recipe for a disaster, wouldn't you agree?

As a therapist, I find it amazing how we fail to be aware of long term effects of our current behaviours. What is more, we present our children with on-screen and off-screen pictures of poor relationship skills, desperation, burnout and emotional incompetence, priming them to repeat those same conditions and patterns in the future. And then we have a cheek to blame the kids. Go figure! It is already bad enough we have those regular global events, ticking like a clock every 10 years or so, and traumatising kids and adults alike without discrimination...

It has been proven so many times that childhood conditioning is one of the strongest character-forming forces in human psychology. If you think that you can hide your inner conflicts and how you feel from your kids, you haven't read enough about body language and the power of the spoken word. The ways in which you subconsciously reveal your inner state, the phrases you use and their choice, context and application, get etched into the brains of your child and will affect the rest of their life. That's how we operate as a species. What we say and how we say it has an enormous influence on others, especially our younger generations. It is called 'spelling' for a reason, you know...

Being a mum or dad is far from easy so give yourself a pat on the back for your accomplishments until now (and if you don't have kids just yet, keep reading - perhaps some of this content will resonate with you enough to create a lasting beneficial impact, also regarding the relationship you have with your own parents; plus you never know what the future might hold). It is also an excellent opportunity to break that vicious cycle of widening generation gap and spend more time with our kids, rather than less. These days we have so much access to self-improvement resources plus coaching, counseling and therapy that it is finally possible to prevent inherited drama from endlessly playing out in the future. After all, it is up to us to create the change we want to see in the world.

And maybe you have already dealt with your demons through inner work and other means and your family enjoys a balanced and harmonious years of prosperity, joy and satisfaction.

If that is the case, please spread the word that it can be had, and how you made it happen. Don't keep it to yourself, for too much is at stake. As therapists, we try to assist as many individuals and couples as possible but, with nearly 8 billion people on the planet, the progress is still a bit slow – we will only truly move on as a society to a better future when generations of younger people grow up knowing their worth and feeling loved, respected and appreciated.

No matter your personal circumstances, I am inviting you to take stock. Take stock of your life and your family life - clarity brings an opportunity for progress and advancement. Only when you know what IS, can you truly set a new course and choose a new destination. A gentle and cleansing detox of personal and familial relationships and circumstances has a potential to finally bring about a closure to trauma cycles that have most likely been repeating themselves in your family for generations. And your kids will be thanking you for it for decades to come.

So investigate all areas of you life. This new post-2020 world offers unprecedented chances for improvement in quality of lifestyle, employment (including financial freedom), personal development and fulfillment. It really can be had. Looking at things from a certain perspective, you just need to want it enough, for, as they say: 'where there is a will, there is a way'. If we get it right, and our kids get it right, we will transform this planet beyond recognition. So leave no stone unturned, have patience and some good old-fashioned belief that it is worth it. Because it is.