Why Mothers have Superhuman Powers - & Still Need a Mental Health Break

Sometimes I want to lock my door and hide.

There I said it.

There are days I have meltdowns. One of them is today.

It can get all too much - you know, this "being a mother" thing that most women decide to become.

All the books, seminars, YouTube videos and birthing classes will guarantee that expert mum status.

The news is that nothing is easy about being a parent - let alone a mother.

Mothers were made for keeping things together, despite falling apart on the inside.

I should have listened to my mum long ago when she said I would learn during my mothering moments.

The main thing I learnt is that I should have listened to her.

We do so much for everyone that it's exhausting.

Some days I wake up to school mornings and think, "here we go again." and then I smarten myself up for another full-on and exhausting environment at work.

It's no wonder I keep telling everyone who will listen that weight training saves my soul.

It saves my brain as well - and stops me from saying a lot of things I know I will regret.

The reality

The reality is that no one can give us a mental day off.

Again, this is something we ladies develop learning mechanisms to cope with.

As hard as it is, we have some neurons that give us an extreme amount of mental grit - seeing us through the hard times.

When my mum was dying, I would deliberately walk the long way to her home at 6 am.

I would chant affirmations to myself through tears. I needed to keep repeating internally how I could do this.

I can last one more day seeing her deteriorate because she needs me. 

That's what the universe has called me to do. So, at this particular time, I will do it.

Where does this strength come from

I suspect all of this stems from love.

I certainly wouldn't go to these extremes for myself - how sad that is when I write it, but it's true.

Even though it's tough, It can either make or break you - that's for sure.

I envy all the single and childless people who turn their backs when things get crappy for them. 

They can say no to something they don't want to do. 

Mothers can't. 

We're inherently blessed to be able to do the worst of the worst during the hard times.

We then put on our work suit, acting like superwoman again.

We bring it on ourselves

Perhaps we are the problem, ladies?

I like a tidy home with the least amount of chaos.

My mind feels scattered and out of control without order.

I also like to get up early spend some "me time" exercising.

But this small pocket of time is never enough. 

I sacrifice sleep to top up time - to calm the storm within.

No one asking me for something, no teams pings, and no "mum, where's this"

Why do we become so reliable & indispensable enough to find that one missing sock for our kids? 

Something in our brain changes when we have kids

I believe something happens to women when they have kids.

A part of their brain is always on hyper-alert. It just never switches off.

Our kids can be 20, and it's still waiting for that slight noise as the front door key turns.

I still wake up at the drop of a had.

That would never occur before I had my daughter.

I would sleep in until noon some days. But when I became a mum, I couldn't sleep longer than 5 hours straight - true story!

I can hear my kid up our street as the school bus arrives. It's scary!

I know my child isn't well by taking one look at her - three days before she becomes sick. 

I know she has a fever, headache, or when the dreaded periods are about to arrive (more so to run for cover than anything else!)

It's like I have a motherhood psychic connection.

The truth is, it's exhausting being tough all the time

I know I have had enough when moments like this occurs.

I find myself exhausted and sprawled, like a puddle of spilt milk on the floor.

My heart and soul ache, especially now that my daughter is going through mental anguish.

I want to make it all the better for her - take her pain away.

It's is precisely how I felt when mum was dying of cancer.

Even though I knew she would die, I couldn't give up on her.

I would constantly clean her face, comb her hair, moisturise her hands. Anything to make her comfortable.

My heart couldn't let go.

I can't make it stop - it will keep going until it doesn't work anymore.

Where to from here

This is the pathway of being a human, more so being a mum.

The journey is long and hard and never ends. The more kids you have, those stings pull your heart and soul in many directions.

That never switches off. It's genetic and ingrained.

I don't have a solution for myself, let alone anyone that could be reading this.

The only comfort I have to give you is knowing that many feel the same way. 

We are going through the journey of motherhood in our way - and it's hard going.

When my daughter was a baby, I was stunned as to how many new mothers lied about motherhood - bragged about how great their baby was. 

I was having a tough time - suffering from postnatal depression.

I kept all of this inside me, turning to my mum back then for help. 

If she weren't around, I wouldn't be here today writing this. 

Postnatal depression is dangerous, especially when you feel ashamed and hide it away from others.

But I want to break the stigma of lies, and hidden beliefs about being a parent, having babies and being a mum.

It's not easy for me, and I doubt it's easy for anyone - but I'm happy to admit I'm not perfect.

We get through it because we have a duty to someone we love more than anything in the world.

And if that's worth getting up one more time, over and over.

So, I think I found the answer - and that's love.

We do it all for love - and keep doing it because love has no end.

And we do it one more time to see that smiling teenager that's happy.

We've done an alright job.

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Originaly written in Medium.