Why Do Bad Things Happen To Good People?

When Danny and Nina got married they celebrated with their many friends.  Their friends would each tell you the same story:  Danny is the best guy ever.  He would give you the shirt off his back if you needed it.  Nina is an angel.  She is the best person I know.

They got married in a haze of hopes and dreams, nothing felt impossible!  Life stretched out before them in limitless expectancy.  They started a business and a family.  A few years later their smiles wore thin.  Their well-meaning, ambitious dreams were not providing the results they hoped for.

When Danny’s business partner staged a company take-over, sued for Danny's shares and won in court it was with bravado and optimism that they got through.  “We’ll be ok.  Justice will happen, if not now, eventually.”

Nina worked part-time in an accountancy firm, continually passed over for promotion.  She said, “Next time.  It’s not the right time for extra responsibility anyway.”  Everyone in her department knew that without her, they would be lost. 

Eventually Nina resigned to be a stay-at-home mom because daycare bills became higher than her earnings.  Life became harder, their friends began to disappear.  People were beginning to wonder if their bad luck was contagious.

One day a letter popped through the post box.  The bank was foreclosing on their mortgage.  No late payment...  Insurance had elapsed.

Danny held the letter and sat on the floor, defeated.  Why.  WHY.  WHY WHY WHY?

Soundlessly he screamed to the air.

In that moment of surrender Danny felt a gentle whisper.  He didn't even know to listen to it but with nothing else left within he let the quiet thought grow…

“What did I do to get us to this place?”

No blame, no judgement.  An honest-to-God question.  Danny did not know it yet, but this became the turning point of his life.

*

The moment that Danny asked this critical question, the truth began to show up.  Through a series of actions and choices that he made he created his own experience.  And as the picture began to form more clearly he was both astounded and aghast, filled with hope and shock at the same time.

See, Danny, like all of us, has a beautiful gift called Free Will.  We each choose to believe what we want to believe, and those beliefs actively create the experience of our lives.

Danny thought back.  When fighting for his company, he BELIEVED that the goodness of his heart would be enough.  “I am a good person, I will trust that will win for me.”  The reality was that Danny needed a very good lawyer and he needed to stand his ground and state his case.  His belief allowed him to be lazy, really.  He didn't want to look at the Big Thing he needed to.  So he chose to believe that the easy path would be enough.

But there is a whole other layer to Danny and Nina’s bad luck.

Our actions and persona are a superficial skin of what goes on beneath the surface.  We can polish and put on positive faces and choose to be kind and happy at all times.  This is the ‘Shopfront’ that we present to the world.  But the real, true person who is really running the life of ‘me’ is deeper than this.  Way, way deeper.

On the next level to Shopfront Self is Mind Self, the one that we are aware of and attempt to cover up or smooth over.  This is the conscious mind, the thoughts that we know are going around in our brains, the emotions that we really feel and then edit on their way out to the Shopfront.  Mind Self is the connection between the Shopfront and the deeper level still…

Beneath the Mind Self is Subconscious Self, the soul, the Core of Being.  The Life Generator. And this is the self that is truly running the show, creating the reality that you are experiencing right now.

Let’s unpack this.  Danny grew up in a disruptive family where he was the glue that kept everyone sane.  He was sunny, smoothing over all trouble.  As he grew up he mistook this behaviour as his character, and became the generous, positive guy that everyone loved.  His Shopfront was set up, his conscious Mind kept busy with how to keep everyone happy - but his Subconscious believed that he had no value besides keeping the peace.  To prevent the pain of being valueless, he would act in strange ways like giving grocery money to a homeless guy while his children ate endless beans.  Or sabotaging his chances of winning his company back.  His subconscious belief that ran his life caused him to people-please, avoid trouble and conflict at any cost and eventually drove Nina and the children out of his life.

The nicest guy in the whole world lost everything because of a deep-seated belief that said, “You are worthless.  You need to earn your value by making everyone happy.”

The moment that Danny cracked open and asked the question, “What did I do to get us to this place?”, a chain of events unfolded for him that opened a door to freedom.  His heartfelt, free will soul choice to comprehend what had gone wrong allowed the truth to be seen.  In that moment, sitting on the floor with his head hanging between his knees and his heart breaking, his mind telling him that he had done everything he could, the quiet whisper within said, “You don’t believe that you are worth fighting for.”

*

Nina left Danny.  She was caught in a Shopfront of her own.  She grew up in a traditional home where her mama and papa were a good team, smilingly superficial.  Both parents were deeply unhappy, holding the illusion together because they did not know what else to do.  They soldiered on…. And Nina became the focus to give meaning to their lives.  She learnt performance, perfection and obedience before she was old enough to run. And sure enough, she was the perfect friend.  The perfect employee.  Obedient, efficient, Shopfront happy.

Deep within, the subconscious beliefs that were creating her world played out as control, victimhood and fear of failure.

*

Our deep, subconscious beliefs create our reality.  In today’s society we have mostly lost sight of how exactly this mechanism works but the fact is still as true as gravity.  We create what we believe.  We act in accordance to the beliefs held within our deepest self.  Many times, we do not even realise where our actions spring from, or why we think or speak in a particular way.  A famous teacher once said, “From the truth within the heart, the mouth speaks.”  Listen to anyone talk for a few minutes and you can tell where that person’s beliefs and focus lie.  

So, too, if we listen to ourselves intentionally, we can find clues to patterns and learn where it is that our own beliefs lie.  Paying attention to our own thoughts gives insight into where we focus, where we spend our energy.  This is a valuable bank of knowledge because when we spend time and energy working and thinking of how to make something happen, or mitigate something FROM happening, or looping, this gives clues to the beliefs we are acting out - from within, at soul level.

The excellent news is that we all, as humans, have the power of choice.  Free Will is a gift.  We get to call the shots of what happens within our own universe of ‘Me’.  Finding a belief that does not serve is one thing, choosing to release that belief and replace it with truth is where the freedom of self takes flight.

Life is the very best teacher that we could possibly wish for if we are willing to ask: “What am I believing?” - the most powerful door to liberation from harmful patterns that it is possible to imagine.  

Patterns are not accidental.  Good things do not automatically happen to good people.  Bad things often do not befall bad people.  Our lives are not created by our ‘shopfront of good or bad’ - our lives are created by the deepest part of ourselves.  Becoming familiar with our own thoughts, actions, words, patterns and beliefs is the surest way to begin to create a life that reflects all the aspects we choose.

*

Danny listened to his heart whispers.  When Nina and the children left, he took honest stock of his actions, his thoughts and his patterns.  He saw with glaring self honesty that he glossed over the issues that Nina needed to discuss with him.  He ignored red flags with contracts and pretended that due diligence did not count.  He shocked himself to discover that he enjoyed the comfort of being liked and adored, and chose that path rather than asking the hard questions and taking the needed action.  He took a brave tour of himself and saw how this one belief had devastated his beautiful life.

It took Danny a while, but he was determined.  He burrowed down in his deepest soul, into the nuggets of his own being, and he rooted out every last bit of the belief that his worth was earned through pleasing others.  He found that underneath that vicious lie was hidden a dazzlingly beautiful truth…

He loved himself.  He really did.  He did not need value added from anyone or anything.  And from this foundation of self-worth, he found that everything he loved had equal value, too.  He discovered that deep within there was this huge, limitless flow of unconditional love that needed no shopfront or editing.  It just was.  Honest, beautiful, effortless and entirely Danny.

When he went to win Nina and his family back, with hat in hand, not a dime to his name, no home and no dog, it was with this pure, effervescent heart of joyful love that he made his intentions clear, and then went to work to build the life of value that he knew he and his family were worth.

*

Nina did her own searching, but for different reasons.  The moment that broke her shopfront disguise to reveal her beliefs was equally life-changing.  She went to answer the doorbell.  Nina caught sight of her reflection in the entrance hall mirror and she froze.  

“This is not me.” She stared in spine chilling shock.  Hard-done-by haunted eyes gazed back at her, hair in unkempt strands, hunched forward.  She ignored the visitor and placed her palms on each side of the mirror.  “Where am I? This is not me.  What has happened?”  She found that she rather flourished as a victim, the sad martyr of Danny’s bad luck and poor decisions, a harassed single mother living with her parents.

*

Danny and Nina have a new home - together.  Both reached that vital point when they asked the honest questions and did the work to find the answers.  Both are still on a journey of self mastery and now they are watchers for each other, too.  When either of them note unhealthy patterns in themselves or each other, they have developed a game of “Catch and Release of Limiting Beliefs”, and then watch with great anticipation as their behaviour creates change accordingly.

These two are the lucky ones. Learning to live on their own terms, taking responsibility for their choices and the outcomes of these, Danny and Nina decided to actively allow life to show them what they are creating, and living curiously, to curate their experience into one that is meaningful in every powerful way.

*

The Graceful Universe shows up to us what we are creating.  We create what we believe.  With honest bravery, our beliefs can be pinpointed, changed, and create anew - by choice.

If you want to change a belief or pattern, begin by asking.  Then listen to the wisdom that your heart reveals. 

Your soul already knows the way.