Why can't my child hear me even though I've said it 800 times?

Because of the recurrence of the epidemic, I have not let Ada go to school recently, and I am busy at home every day with three meals a day and working with the baby, so I am often mentally stressed.

Yesterday, I had an appointment to go out with my kids to play in the snow, so I made an appointment with Ada in the morning to finish reading English before going out.

After eating, she started to read and then played with her toys on the balcony. I thought it was okay to play for a while, but I hoped she would know what to do and be able to arrange her time freely.

Then, I was busy doing other things, to reflect the persona of a good mother, but also forgot to smile and remind myself: to play for a while, then catch up on English reading, or else be delayed out of the house.

When I finished the task at hand, I found that Ada was still sitting there playing and didn't even take out the English tablet. So the anger in my heart rose, and my voice raised 8 degrees: you play all morning, I talk to you as a deaf ear? Don't go out until you finish reading.

I saw my daughter looking at me with resentment and said: Can't you say something properly? Why are you yelling?

I immediately felt like a deflated ball, yes, I had studied emotional management for so long, why did I lose control at this moment? So, I apologized to my child and admitted that I hadn't handled my emotions well.

All mothers want to treat their children well so that they can live with ease and grace, but when their children can not understand their good intentions, no matter what they say, they turn a deaf ear, and they will unconsciously become a shouting river lion.

Are children deliberately not listening to us?

Many times they don't. This is determined by the characteristics of children's attention.

Attention has four basic characteristics: breadth of attention, stability, distribution, and transfer. Because children have limited cognition and immature brain development, they have insufficient ability to distribute and shift their attention, which is an important reason for the phenomenon of "deafness.

Children are often unable to allocate their attention to other things while engaged in an activity, which is especially common in preschool.

Some children who are already in school are developing a mature attention span, so why do they ignore their parents' words? Faced with an overwhelming amount of information, people can only selectively process a limited amount of information and ignore the rest. Children, only select the most important or interesting information, and the rest is automatically blocked.

When children are immersed in something, such as watching TV or putting together Lego, it is difficult to divert their attention unless something sufficiently eye-catching comes along.

So, most of the time, children don't respond to their parents' words because they simply don't hear what the adult is saying.

So, what can be done to make children listen to their parent's words?

First, speak concisely and avoid nagging

"If the child does not do as requested, the mother will start the "supreme treasure" mode, once the nagging is endless, the child will produce "over the limit effect Once the nagging is over, the children will have an internal "limit effect" and become resistant or even bored, they will selectively shield or may deliberately not respond, using silence as a protest.

On the other hand, they will also gradually become numb, appearing to listen but absent-minded, and choose to do nothing to avoid further irritating their parents.

If it coincides with adolescence, they may become strongly resistant and even confront their parents, breaking out into "war".

Secondly, do not disturb your child at will

If a child is doing something, he or she does not like to be disturbed, even if he or she is forced to compromise due to parental authority, he or she is also extremely reluctant. Therefore, it is not difficult to understand why the child is indifferent or rebellious.

Before communicating with your child, you should carefully observe whether he is concentrating on something. For example, if your child is concentrating on watching TV and you tell her to turn it off immediately, which child will obey? If you choose to talk to him in between episodes, the effect will be much better.

In addition, if you finish the child does not respond, do not shout from a distance, or nag or lose your temper, you may want to walk to the child, look into each other's eyes, and calmly state your request.

Third, focus on the communication itself, do not bring negative emotions

When talking to your child, you may want to reflect on the following points to see if you are not doing a good job.

Are you using a whining and impatient tone of voice? Are there any threatening hints between words? Have you controlled your emotions?

Before opening your mouth, be sure to keep in mind the purpose of the conversation. Communication should not be about using parental authority to order your child around, but rather about wanting your child to take the initiative to cooperate and cooperate in accomplishing something so that your child can have autonomy.

If you want your child to do homework, don't say, "Hurry up and do your homework, or you won't be allowed to ......"

Instead, replace it with, "Can we play when the homework is done?"

In addition, respond to your child promptly. If you want him to be obedient, you must respond to your child promptly daily. If your child completes a task, praise it appropriately, and respond positively to the questions your child asks.

The underlying logic of parent-child communication should not be control and forcefulness, but respect and mutual understanding.

If you can grasp these principles, communication with your child will no longer be a problem. Instead of complaining that your child is disobedient, you should reflect on whether you have done the right thing and set a good example for your child.

In the process of growing up with your child, please have more patience and less control so that you can speak into your child's heart.