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When a Parent Is Behind Bars

My Story of My Son's Father Being Locked Up

By Wendi SimpsonPublished 6 years ago 3 min read
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It is hard enough being a parent to a child with both parents in the picture. But have you ever thought about what it would be like to try to raise a child when the other parent is behind bars? I’m here to tell you I thought being a single mom was hard enough. I had raised my son on my own for most of his life. My son’s biological father was one of those that would pop in and out from time to time. He would show up out of no place then just like that disappear again. Just this past year I finally tracked down my son’s father after almost a year of not hearing from him; our son just four years old at the time. Turns out he was incarcerated, and had been there for the better half of the year. A simple google search helped me find what prison he was located in and gave me an address. So, I wrote him a letter telling him that our son is doing fine, and asking him how he ended up in prison. I received a letter back from him about a week later informing me about how he purposely violated his probation because he wanted to get away from some people and was trying to turn his life around. He told me that he did not think the state attorney would go after him for five years in prison for a simple probation violation. He wanted to know everything about our son, everything that he had been missing, and was so happy that I had tracked him down. I wrote him back telling him that he really messed things up, that I hoped this experience would help him get his life back on a better track, and I told him the things he had missed with our son. Since the first letters we have had a sturdy line of communication. It has taken him to be locked up to actually start acting like the father he should of been from the beginning. At first when I found out where he was, I did not want to tell our son. It took a lot of communication, with my now husband, about if we should even tell my son or if he would be better off not knowing anything. So at four years old we sat my son down and told him where his biological father was. My son did not take this news very well, he had this belief that if he was bad he would end up in jail with his dad. It took a lot of explaining to get it into his young mind that things do not work like that. My son has had a hard time adjusting to the fact that he will not be able to see his real father till after he turns nine. Even though the prison does have a visitation program, my son is not allowed to visit him. The most my son can do is speak to his father on the phone maybe once a week for fifteen minutes. Most days my son doesn’t seem to be to bothered by the fact that his father isn’t around. He has developed such an amazing relationship with his stepfather that from an outside point of view you wouldn’t be able to tell that they aren’t blood. Sometimes though, there are those days that my son tells me he misses his dad and wishes he could see him. Those are the days that I really feel for my son, those are the days I wish a simple hug would take away his hurt. When I think about my son’s father being locked up, I feel bad for him because he is going to miss out on a lot of amazing things over the next five years, there are going to be things that he won’t be able to make up for missing out on. But I hope when he is released that he takes the time to get to know our son, and starts his life over in a better place.

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