Families logo

What makes a dad?

What qualities make this human in our lives a dad? How should they be?

By Mara HurstPublished 3 years ago 4 min read
Like

From a young age, most children are learning about the important people in their lives. One of which should be a father. We learn that he is supposed to be our rock, our superhero, and our protector. If something bad were to happen we should look no further than the man who helped create us. I know what some of you are thinking, isn't this ideology outdated? And my answer to you is yes. There are millions of different types of families but this article is focusing on a nuclear heterosexual relationship. And in this relationship the children admire their father and the strength and masculinity he possesses.

As long as I can remember my father was my hero. At the age of three years old I knew he would die for me and protect me with his whole heart. Me and my older brother admired him so much. He used to have a keychain that read, "A dad is his son's first hero, and his daughter's first love". And that was very much true. He was my father because he was there for me, cared for me when I was having a rough time and made sure I was making it through the day. I spent 13 years with this man I called my dad and it all was flipped upside down when he decided to leave. I remember crying to my mom asking her why my dad doesn't love us enough. It made absolutely no sense to me. He was my biological father, shouldn't he just be here for me all the time?

I was sick of my family members telling me "He's your dad you have to see/speak to him!". All I wanted to do was cry out "He isn't my dad! A dad doesn't abandon his kids." But they wouldn't understand. My friends had true fathers. Their dads would attend school and sporting events. Their dads wouldn't think twice about leaving work to visit their children when they needed him. Their dads wouldn't ignore their child when they felt overworked. My father was never like that looking back. I say to people he was my dad for 13 years, now he isn't. But looking at our relationship as a whole was he ever really my dad? Maybe because I was so small and told to love him, I overlooked any neglect because I thought that was how good dads acted. Thinking this over I now realize he was maybe my dad for 10 years, after that I felt like I was on my own.

It's been years since he left and I feel disgusted thinking about him. I almost wish he never existed at some points. I have blocked out memories with him so I don't have to go through that pain all over again. I refuse to look at photos of him or our family together because it's a reminder of what he ruined. Almost everywhere I go I have a constant reminder that he exists and I can't get rid of the pain he caused me and my family.

I know you're not reading this article to hear about my sob story, you're reading to find out what actually makes a dad. It's not blood. It's not how long you're in this child's life. Being a dad means you'll give your soul to the devil if that means your child will be safe and happy. Being a dad is being willing to give everything you have to this child who you may not even know. Being a dad is showing up. Show up for your child, step-child, niece or nephew. Show up to their dance recitals, their games, their talent shows. Be present in their lives. And that's just the tip of the iceberg because a present father isn't always a good father.

Remind your child each and everyday that you are proud of their accomplishments. Tell them you love them and that you'll never stop caring for them. Never let them fall asleep at night thinking you hate them. Accept them for who they are and love them regardless of who they may become. As a dad, your job is to guide them and make life worth living for them. Always be there for that kid.

Be the dad mine never could or will be. Be the dad that gets thanked by the Oscar winner for always believing in them. Be the dad that gets to see your grandchildren be born, and your child walk down the aisle. Be the dad that is bragged about. Be there so your child will never have to relate to my story. Being a dad is not about blood or time. Being a dad all comes from the love and support you can give.

Be a dad.

parents
Like

About the Creator

Reader insights

Be the first to share your insights about this piece.

How does it work?

Add your insights

Comments

There are no comments for this story

Be the first to respond and start the conversation.

Sign in to comment

    Find us on social media

    Miscellaneous links

    • Explore
    • Contact
    • Privacy Policy
    • Terms of Use
    • Support

    © 2024 Creatd, Inc. All Rights Reserved.