What it is like to have all the problems and being the problem compared to my family.

Hi, my name is Kyle and I am 29 years old. I have 2 brothers, 1 older, 1 younger, I'm the middle of three boys, and my younger sister who came into this life 13 years later. People would say, we look like a normal family, but for me, it was anything but normal. Growing up, I have had so many problems dealing with everything. Things that my family would have once in their lifetime, whereas, I, many times, had these sorts of problems constantly.

My parents, who was born in Vietnam came over the US around 13~18 years of age. My mom who was born and raised with loving parents, whereas, my dad, had a bad childhood or so he says. Both of my parents have very large families, but comparing my dad's 14 brothers and sister, none of them are anything like him. Men in Vietnam, in a family, is like the king of the family. In Vietnam, the culture in his family was, when the men of the family talks, the children stand there and listen. No yes or no, no talking back, no opinions, and just shut up because your answer do not matter. "I am your dad; I am right, and you are wrong." So, my dad always talks about how he has grown up and that his childhood was not so great as he went through a lot. Coming over to America, he has brought the thinking wise with him.

I, Kyle, have a little over 15 allergies that was not diagnosed 23 years later and 2 huge disorders, comorbidity ADHD (attention disorder) and type 2 narcolepsy (sleep disorder), undiagnosed and untreated for 29 years. Comparing to everyone in my family, I had all the problems, while they had little to no allergies and no disorders. As a kid, I was a very troubled kid. Almost every day of my life, I would always get a rash or an itch during the night times. For those of you know, the sound of having to itch so bad and doing so, can be loud in a quiet night. Was told to stop when I wasn't able to or that I'll grow out of it, well, it never did. The more I grew up, the more I would itch all over my bodies, leaving itching scars. I did go to the doctor but all they said was to record what I ate, which didn't help with the diagnosis. My parents were those type of people who would say, "keep eating all the food and all your allergies will go away," never did. I would always just have to itch and everyone in my family would say, "stop itching, it is not hard." How would they know, they don't have the problems I had? Then they would say that they had felt an itch before, and they just didn't. What they didn't understand was, I felt like itching all day, every day.

Having 2 disorders growing up was a pain and having them undiagnosed for 29 years, basically would ruin anyone's life, but mines was destroyed, completely. At the beginning, I talked about my dad's childhood, as he brought the thinking from Vietnam to the US, is what broke me. Me, with 2 untreated disorders, comes with a huge amount of challenges and lots of problems. I wasn't able to not talk back ever, think before I do, always feeling tired, do bad in school, daydreaming, not listening, making the same mistakes, impulsive, emotional, very sensitive, having daily sleep paralysis, and so much more. One of the most problem I had growing up was no talking back policy with my parents. I couldn’t learn from my mistakes, it was not my fault, as it was out of my control, but they didn't know that. For 29 years, I was physically and emotionally abused by my dad because of these disorders. My parents believed, hitting their child is a way of showing love. So, my dad would hit me with his fists, kicked me very hard, hit me with a broom, stick, belt. There has never been a month that I was not abused. As most families, when you are hurt, you go to your parents for support. Never have I ever had any physical or emotional support from them.

With so much torture, so much problems, there are just way too much that goes with this story, just way too much. Me being at 29, I was able to reflect a lot on myself through these pasts couple of months. Did lots of research on the reasons why I am this way, why I do the things I do, and the reason I'm lost, I was able to find the answer. All these years, my family would always just say I am a normal kid as everyone, but just with way more problems and a slower thinking process. I just got tired year after year, so before I got my disorders diagnosed, I had told them what there were. My family thought I was overthinking things, that people go through those things, school isn't for everyone, I just needed to work on my problems, everyone have problems, try this and that and it will be better. I was just done and had to get them diagnosed for me. After finding out, I wanted to make sure I had them, so I got them both diagnosed again, it turns out, both positive, twice.

Later those days, I have told my parents about it. My dad's reply was, "I don't care, don't make excuses, I don't care." And my mom, "now that you know you have problems, you can just turn it off and fix it, without medication." I just can't believe with all the things I went through; those things could have been stopped if I was just diagnosed as a young kid. I also can't believe how my parents believe that, since they don't have it, therefore, it doesn't exist. After weeks and weeks of trying to educate them, telling them my disorders are not curable, treatable to help with some symptoms, but never curable and their reply was, "We didn't pay attention to you back then, we were too busy with our own stuff. But now you know you have the problem; you need to learn how to support yourself because we didn't know." I just can't anymore with this family.

Talking about these things about my siblings is also like talking to a wall. As I try to educate them, they would always compare me to other people and say I'm just making an excuse, believing they understand everything. Well, they don't understand anything, and they never will. Must be nice to be normal without all these problems, I wouldn't know. They had it all, I didn't. Even till this day, they don't even try to understand it, as it is my problem, I should fix it on my own.

Hi, I'm Kyle, 29 years old and I have no college degree. I was never spoiled, able to hang out with whatever friends I had, join clubs, enjoy anything in life, and one of the most biggest thing, feeling loved by their own parents or even siblings as they had it all. I am physically and mentally broken. How can I be so different from my family and why must I have all the problems. How can someone like me suffer so much and end up with nothing in life? I'm just an unlucky child in this unlucky world with an unlucky, unloved family. I'm starting to believe I do live for a purpose and that purpose is to always struggle so that everyone else around me can be happy. Through life, I have helped everyone go through life, my acquaintances, my siblings, and some other people as they live a happier life as I still struggle. We all live for a reason, right? Maybe my happiness is sacrificed for everyone's happiness and it is just the way it is. I am limited, I wish I wasn't, but I am. I must see the real picture and know with a late diagnosis of 2 disorders which made me broken permanently with mental and physical abuse, I will always be this way no matter how hard I try to change. Things happen, not all lives can be fair.

Me:

1. Comorbidity ADHD and Type 2 Narcolepsy undiagnosed 29 years (The longer is not treated, the worst the symptoms get, memory lost included)

2. Middle Child Syndrome

3. 15 and more Allergies undiagnosed 23 years

4. Physically and Emotionally Abused

5. No College Degree (Spent 8 years got nowhere)

6. No Future

My parents and siblings:

1. No Disorder

2. Very little to no allergies

3. All college degrees

4. Living normal lives

5. Blessed with all the good stuff

Hopefully no one will have to live a life of always suffering like I am today.