What is the best way to get along in a marriage?

What is the best model for marriage?

Many people think it is 1+1≥2, two people together, should be to get more possibilities and gains.

This algorithm looks perfect, but in real life, to maintain this algorithm, it is often difficult to achieve.

Each of us at the moment of marriage, we are full of wonderful expectations and aspirations for marriage.

Imagine like the ending of the fairy tale: the prince and princess from then on to live a happy life.

But the reality is often: married life, there are always such and such contradictions lurking.

The two people who once loved each other, eventually came to the point of looking at each other.

1

A couple got divorced because of a pair of socks.

The wife is a tidy person, the home is well organized, the items are organized neatly. The husband, however, is more casual, where things go to throw.

For example.

the wife puts her shoes in the shoe cupboard every time she changes them, but the husband never puts them away and lets them sit on the floor.

the wife folds her clothes neatly, but the husband turns them over in a mess every time he looks for them

The wife will put away the dirty clothes in the dirty clothes basket, the husband will always take off the dirty clothes on the sofa, bed, chairs ...

Every time she saw this scene, the wife would be furious.

The wife feels that the home must be clean and tidy in order to feel warm and comfortable, and the opposite will be irritable and anxious.

The husband feels that home is a place for people to relax, and being restricted everywhere makes him nervous and unable to relax.

The two of them often quarrel about this, and no one can convince anyone.

Finally, one day, the wife found a pair of smelly socks on the side of the pillow that had just been dried, instantly broke down, and the two had another big fight, and finally decided to divorce.

Photo by Chen Xingming

Voltaire once said.

"What makes people feel tired is not the mountains in the distance, often a grain of sand in the shoe."

Marriage is different from love, marriage is not only the combination of two people, or a protracted grinding.

There is a saying, "The details defeat love." Likewise, details can also defeat marriage.

Sometimes the killer of a marriage is often the smallest things, such as different personal habits, different hobbies, small frictions in life, and so on.

These trivial things are like the little grains of sand in your shoes.

They consume your energy day in and day out, ruffle your feathers, test your tolerance and challenge the limits of your endurance.

In "Love Calling", Xu Lang and his wife quarreled and divorced over the question of whether to squeeze toothpaste from bottom to top or from the middle. This is not an exaggeration.

In life, there are many couples who have divorced because of different tastes and inconsistent work and rest schedules.

It's not that they don't love each other, they just don't find the right model for their marriage.

2

My friend Xiaorong is a person who loves sports, likes to go out hiking on weekends, and usually loves to watch British and American dramas at home, and is a lively person.

A Fang is lazy, home, like to play games at home when leisure, love to watch anti-Japanese drama, is a person who loves to be alone.

Such hobbies and personalities are very different from the two people not only married, and also and beautiful for seven years.

In the beginning, they also had a disagreement.

Every time Rong proposed to go hiking, Fang either refused or reluctantly accepted, and then complained all the way to the end.

Xiao Rong thought that playing games was a waste of time and left her out, asking Fang to quit, while Fang thought that playing games was the best way for him to relax.

Xiao Rong thinks that domestic TV dramas are brain-dead, while Fang thinks that he is tired of working and just wants to watch some mindless dramas.

The two of them often quarrel over these small matters, and then cold war.

Then one day, Fang offered to go hiking.

On the way, Xiaorong saw Fang sweating and panting, but still fighting to keep her company and laughing, Xiaorong's nose was a bit sour.

After that, Xiaorong no longer forced Fang to quit the game, every time when Fang was playing the game, Xiaorong sat beside him and brushed up the drama.

Sometimes Xiaorong will also accompany Fang to watch TV dramas and then spit together, Fang will occasionally accompany Xiaorong to climb mountains, exercise, and watch her favorite dramas with Xiaorong.

In marriage, there is a kind of touching called understanding, there is a kind of happiness called tolerance.

This means: the two people should know how to respect each other, accept each other as they are, learn to seek common ground while reserving differences, and accept each other.

Instead of trying to change each other and interfere with each other's freedom.

3

When a father gave a speech at his daughter's wedding, he said something like this.

"Marriage is not 1+1=2, but 0.5+0.5=1. After marriage, you two have to remove half of your personalities each to form a beautiful family. Marriage is not a possession, but a union."

Each of us is a "1", we have our own world, our own set of outlook on life, values.

Later, when we meet someone we love and enter the walled city of marriage, we take it for granted that 1+1≥2.

However, there are no two people in the world who are 100% compatible with each other.

When two people live together, there will always be a variety of conflicts and contradictions.

1+1 many times can not equal 2, or even less than 2.

If both sides insist on doing "1", everything is unwilling to give way. Then the small things that are irrelevant can easily be infinitely magnified, the original sweet marriage will be rolling smoke, war and fire.

Therefore, in the marriage, should do subtraction rather than addition. What we need is not a 1+1 marriage, but 0.5+0.5.

Two people are willing to cut some of the sharpness for each other, give up some principles, and turn themselves from "1" to "0.5".

Two people to tolerate and accept each other's 0.5, and then together to form a new "1".

This is the best mode of marriage.

Hayao Miyazaki said: "Love, not looking for a perfect person, but learn to appreciate the imperfect person with a perfect vision."

Among millions of people, we meet and get to know each other, and in the long years, we know each other.

And for you and me, there is nothing better than: you appreciate my differences, and I accept your imperfections. You and I, in the end, become us.

How wonderful is that.