What Is Surrogacy Like for a Surrogate’s Husband? Scott Shares His Story

As Told by ConceiveAbilities Surrogate Husband, Scott

Surrogacy from the Surrogate’s Husband’s Perspective

When Scott’s wife Amanda let him know that she was considering surrogacy, he admits that he “didn’t really know it was a thing” to become a surrogate. Despite not knowing much about gestational surrogacy at first, Scott had no hesitations about supporting Amanda (and their two biological children) throughout her surrogate pregnancy.

In fact, their experience was so fulfilling that Amanda began her second surrogacy journey, with the same intended parents, less than a year after giving birth to her first surrobaby! From the outside, it can be easy to overlook the immense personal involvement that spouses or partners of surrogates take on when they commit to providing their support every step of the way.

The saying “it takes a village” is usually used in the context of raising a child, but we believe the same is true when it comes to supporting our amazing surrogates.

Scott, an instrumentation technician at a nuclear power plant by day, graciously spent some time to share his perspective on Amanda’s surrogacy journey. From how he became educated on what surrogacy really is to what he now sees as a profoundly positive, life-changing journey for his whole family, we are so glad to share his experience as the husband to a surrogate mother.

My Wife Is a Surrogate: An Interview with Scott

ConceiveAbilities: What do you like to do for fun/hobbies?

Scott: I like to golf, watch football, go to baseball games, travel, play games with the kids, and hang out with the family.

ConceiveAbilities: How old are your two beautiful children now? Do you think your kids know how awesome their mom is?

Scott: Kennedy just turned 10 last week and Reid is 8, he will be 9 in December. I think they do know how amazing she is, they both brag to their friends and classmates. Especially Kennedy, the first journey she went around telling everyone her mom was having a baby for someone else. They also both watched her go through all the surrogate medications and know how much work it took.

What Is It Like When Your Wife Becomes a Surrogate

ConceiveAbilities: When did you first hear about Amanda’s desire to become a surrogate?

Scott: Shortly after we knew we were done having any more kids of our own, Amanda started the conversation about becoming a surrogate. I knew she enjoyed being pregnant, but we didn’t want any more kids of our own.

ConceiveAbilities: What was your first thought when you heard the idea? Did you have any hesitations?

Scott: When she first mentioned it, I didn’t really know it was a thing. At first I didn’t understand how the surrogacy process worked and how she wouldn’t be biologically related until she explained it. After that I was all good!

How a Surrogate’s Spouse Supports the Journey

ConceiveAbilities: Husbands and partners can choose their involvement in the surrogate process more than most folks might assume. Can you provide a quick rundown of your direct involvement, specifically the psychological testing and medical workups (if you had to do this)?

Scott: I remember Amanda and I sitting down with Alicia for the mental health screening and assessment, all that went fine, it felt like a normal conversation. I didn’t need to go to the medical work up, just lab work locally. I helped Amanda by giving her her shots when needed and just supporting her however I could.

ConceiveAbilities: Did you attend the embryo transfer with Amanda? If so, can you tell me a bit about that experience from your perspective?

Scott: I went to the embryo transfer with her for the first journey, her mom went with her the second journey. It happened really fast – it seemed like we waited in the clinic room for a long time, and then the transfer went really fast. It was cool to be able to see the embryos on the screen.

A Surrogate Pregnancy vs. a Traditional Pregnancy

ConceiveAbilities: From your perspective, how were Amanda’s surrogacy pregnancies different to her pregnancies with your own children?

Scott: There were differences between the surrogacy pregnancy and a traditional pregnancy. We didn’t have to prep our house for a baby, so we got to focus more on enjoying the pregnancy and hanging out with the guys.

ConceiveAbilities: How were Amanda’s surrogacy pregnancies similar to her pregnancies with your own children?

Scott: She didn’t get morning sickness with either type of pregnancy and handles the pregnancies pretty well.

Building a Relationship with Intended Parents

ConceiveAbilities: Did you become friends with your intended parents? Around where in the process did that happen (if it did)?

Scott: I would say we became friends. I would say this probably really happened when they came to Chicago a few weeks before the pregnancies and we got to spend a lot of time together […] We had a group chat with the four of us on WhatsApp. All four of us messaged quite often throughout the pregnancies.

ConceiveAbilities: What was it like to watch your intended parents become fathers?

Scott: I think it was emotional seeing the intended parents in the delivery room, it reminded me of when I became a dad for the first time. I was happy for them.

The Lasting Impact of Surrogacy on a Family

ConceiveAbilities: Are you proud of what your family (but mostly Amanda!) has done for your IPs?

Scott: Yes, I’m very proud of Amanda. There are not many women who could do what she did. I’m also proud of my kids for treating Camila and Gaspar like siblings and welcoming the guys into our family.

ConceiveAbilities: What effect have Amanda’s surrogacy journeys had on your family?

Scott: We’ve gained a whole new family! We hope to always stay close to the guys and the kids. I think the surrogacy has opened my kids’ eyes to see that families come in all different forms and are created in all different ways.

Advice for Husbands and Partners of Surrogates

ConceiveAbilities: What do you wish people understood about surrogacy?

Scott: It’s a cool journey to helping people complete their families.

ConceiveAbilities: Any advice for men whose wives are considering surrogacy? Anything else you’d like to add?

Scott: Support your wife. It really wasn’t a sacrifice for me, she did all the hard work. Thanks for giving my wife the opportunity of fulfilling her dream of being a surrogate!

We can’t thank Scott enough for sharing his family’s story with us. ConceiveAbilities is proud to provide support and resources to surrogates and their families, and we are grateful for partners like Scott who mirror our commitment to our surrogates throughout their journeys. 

More Resources for Spouses and Partners to Understand Surrogacy

Explore resources to help spouses and partners better understand surrogacy and support a loved one who is considering becoming a surrogate.

Read these helpful blogs:

Most Common Questions Spouses Ask When Their Partner Considers Becoming a Surrogate

Talking to Your Partner About Becoming a Surrogate: Real Questions, Honest Answers

How to Talk to Your Partner About Becoming a Surrogate: Expert Tips to Start the Conversation With Confidence

Watch more about the role of a surrogate’s spouse in a surrogacy journey:

Listen to our podcast How to Start the Conversation with Your Spouse or Partner about Becoming a Surrogate:

Read more blogs about Surrogate Partner Support.

Thinking About Surrogacy?

If you feel called to surrogacy and are inspired by Scott and Amanda’s surrogacy story, learn more about being a surrogate!