Well Darlin'

Growing up, I never had much to do with my father (or maybe he didn't have much to do with me), but I can't remember ever really resenting him for it.

My parents divorced when I was 5 years old and my mom and I went to live with my uncle, who became more like a father figure to me. He was my best friend, until he passed away when I was 15 years old. I remember my mom always saying how she would invite my dad to my school functions, and then telling me how he couldn't make it. She would tell me how upset I had been, but I don't remember most of it. Maybe I was too young to remember?

"Well darlin', I can't talk bad about your mom, she is your mom."

My dad and I share a birthday. How could he still forget my birthday? I don't know, but my mom always claimed that he did at some point. For my 16th birthday, my dad reached out and made plans to take me out for our birthday. While I don't remember most of the details, I do remember that I had the best time. It had been snowing and icing that morning and my mother begged me to cancel our plans. My dad can drive in anything, so we went riding in the snow. It was very impressive watching him maneuver through the snow and ice. I know we had planned to go to a Japanese Steakhouse for dinner, and then to a movie, but I can't remember if the snow interfered with it and we had to find something else to do or not. I don't think it mattered, I was just thrilled to be spending my birthday with my daddy.

"Well darlin', I hope you had a good time."

Over the next few years, my father took me out a few times a year, until his wife passed away and he remarried again. That's when he seemed to become all about his step family. He already had one step family, but this was the first time he had a step daughter. I think that made me more jealous than anything.

As I got older and started a family of my own, I tried to stay in contact with my father. It seemed to get harder and harder, especially after he broke his back and ribs at work and it never healed properly. I dropped out of college and even though I know he didn't approve, my dad never made me feel bad about it. His step daughter is still in college though and she's SO great, he never stops bragging on her. Her boyfriend is SO great, my dad would rather spend time with them than with my husband and his own grandkids.

My dad knows he wasn't around much throughout my childhood. Every time I have ever asked him for advice, his response has always been the same: "Well darlin', I don't really have a right to tell you what to do but I can tell you what I think and it's up to you whether you listen or not." I usually didn't listen, I'm a rebel. But I did still always HEAR what he had to say, and I loved that he took the time to tell me his opinion.

I can't say that my dad has ever directly lied to me. Maybe he lied to my mom? He has often told me that things were none of my business if he didn't want to tell me something, but I don't know that he has ever lied to me.

"Well darlin', I really don't know what to tell you."

After almost 26 years, I still can't say I know my father very well, nor does he know much about me, but he is still my dad.

Even though my dad has not been a huge part of my life, and probably won't be a huge part of my children's lives either, he will always have a place in my heart. And no matter how many times I hear "Well darlin'" it will always be a comfort to hear it from my dad. It means that he is still in my life, no matter how big or small of a part he might play. It means even if there is someone else who is more important to him, I might still hold a place in his heart.