We need to learn to be parents who don't make people hate us

The couple divorced after 5 months of marriage and went to court because of whose surname the child took.

The first reaction to seeing this news is surprising, and the second reaction is heartache.

The first reaction is surprised at the divorce after 5 months of marriage, and the reason is more difficult to understand. The heartache is in the infancy of the child is only 2 months, to become a single-parent child.

In this tragedy, both sides are victims, the black hand behind this is not just because of the child with whose surname?

On the contrary, in this incident, the biggest push behind the scenes is the parents of the couple. The relationship is the closest relatives, but forcing their children to divorce, as parents, really can not understand the two pairs of parents approach.

I turned around and asked myself if this were my daughter what would I do? Is it possible that the happiness of a child's marriage is determined by whose surname the child takes?

Obviously, in the eyes of the parents, the happiness of the grandchildren and the happiness of the children are not as important as the surname of the child.

The best love parents can give their children is to withdraw from their children's lives at the right time

Psychologist Wu Zhihong writes in his book "Why Home Hurts" that a person has to be separated from his mother three times in his life, each time when the child is moving towards independence.

The first time, when the child is born.

The second time, from 3 to 36 months, is when the child is psychologically separated from their mother.

The third time is when the child grows up and leaves home.

The separation from the mother's love represents the child's growth and independence, but many parents do not know how to withdraw from their children's lives.

Once the parent fails to withdraw from the child's life promptly, this love will only continue to hurt the child.

Especially after the child is married.

The reason for this is that the girl you can see, your parents can't see. The parents can look at the girl they can not see.

Once chatting, his mother asked about his object. The company's main business is to provide a wide range of products and services to its customers. Although his mother introduced him to a formal job, the people are ugly, and they can not see.

Because of the inconsistency between myself and my mother, my cousin did not get married until he was in his 30s and had his second child only at the age of 40.

After the marriage, the couple moved out, because away from the mother, cousin to the mother's words no longer obeyed.

The fact is that you can find a lot of people who are not able to get a good deal on a lot of things.

It is said that the proper withdrawal of maternal love is the best love for children, and those parents who do not know how to withdraw always think that they love their children, but do not know that this excessive control of love, will only make the child unfortunate.

It's like this young couple who went to court because of whose surname the child took. Without the parents' involvement would the two have made a scene over it? Perhaps the two had already found an alternative, but the involvement of both parents, and the pressure exerted on the children, made the matter go out of control.

Motherhood decent withdrawal to allow children to grow

Recently, the Internet has become popular with a new type of marriage - two-headed marriage.

The man does not marry, the woman does not marry, and the woman pays half of the wedding costs. Two children are born, one with the man's surname, raised on the man's side, and one with the woman's surname raised in the woman's family. The children who do not have grandparents are called grandparents.

At first glance, this type of marriage seems to be good, and can effectively reduce family conflicts, but in the long run, is this marriage system good?

Firstly, the child is raised from parents to grandparents; secondly, the two children are brothers, with two surnames, a father to accompany more, and a mother to accompany more, so that the child, will not be missing father and mother love.

Originally two young people formed a new family and went together to grind, to face the storms of life.

But this two-headed marriage is the opposite, the child will not get out of their own home, still, under the shelter of their parents, and their own children's parents can help raise them. The only thing missing is the bonding and intimacy between the couple.

If both parents were to die a hundred years later, would couples in two-headed marriages still need to live together? Can they live together?

Life is about untangling one problem after another. Parents help their children solve all the problems of life to make them comfortable so that for their children, they are the flowers of the greenhouse, the more they can not experience the storms of life.

Parental love needs to be decent withdrawal, only to withdraw the child can grow, only to grow happy to face the problems of life independently.

For the child, the child needs the intimacy of the parents, which is the initiation of human interaction. He needs to learn how to love others in this love.

When parental love is not withdrawn in time, it becomes an over-dependence.

This dependence is the result of having someone to protect the child from the elements at all times. But the price is the loss of independence of the child.

Growing up is a lifelong thing, but many parents always think that their children's growth is growing up, we can't help our children shelter from the storm for life, the best approach is to let them learn to face the storm themselves.

So, don't become a stumbling block on the road of your child's growth in the name of love.