Unwanted downtime

So, as most of the people I know, they know that I'm practically in a dedicated/long-term relationship with my job. Full-time hours, decent pay (despite being majorly underpaid and under-appreciated), loving schedule, crappy benefits, but just enough downtime to where I don't feel like I'm not spending every second at work instead of with my son and the pups. I've missed out on countless PTA meetings, school functions and fairs and fundraisers, helping out with homework, putting my son to bed, even going as far as missing out on teaching my son to ride a bike or how to fish (properly.)

That was almost 6 full years of my life and my son's life, friend's and family member's parties, birthdays, and special events that I've missed out on or couldn't make it because I couldn't miss work. I met this incredible gentleman who made me see that I spend so much time at work that I could barely see the people around me. He would drop by with coffee and a small lunch or even just bring me some coffee and make me something to eat so I would be able to pop into the kitchen, grab the food, and head (yes, you know it) right back to work. I would work every single closing shift and even volunteer for extra overtime to try and make ends meet every month since I only got paid twice a month and bills outweighed anything else. Still does, every single week, fun times for adulthood.

At the end of December 2020, I get told to go into a specific work time and attend a personal meeting where I was given that all-favorite phrase "you are temporarily being suspended pending an investigation into things." I was told what we all get told, we will give you a quick call tomorrow and let you know what we find.

Fast forward through going to the hospital because I was so anxious I ground my teeth to the point of breaking one of them which ended in almost blinding pain. I come back home to relax, wait for the call, do some cleaning to try and distract myself. It's getting pretty late, so I start texting and emailing, eventually attempting to log into my work equipment to see they've remotely wiped my computer and left a message stating that I've been "termed" and to return the equipment ASAP. I was in tears, could not stop crying and dry-heaving. This job has been my livelihood for over 6 years and in one remote do-over, they've taken 6+ years of loyalty and missing out on family-time and fired me from the one full-time income that was just enough to pay 95% of everything.

The past week, my wonderful, amazing boyfriend has done whatever he can. Showing up with coffee and chocolate, making sure I'm eating, helping me clean around the house, even picking me up and taking me home so he can cook for me at his place (he would not let me clean, I tried.) As a parent, luckily, my son is with his other parents for the holidays so he has no clue, but I'm missing him terribly. I'm fortunate enough that I get daily updates, so tons of text messages and photographs of my gremlin. This way, I can focus on finding something that will take the place of my full-time job that I really liked but found that I no longer loved as soon as I came to the realization that I have missed out on so much with my family for the past 6-7 years.

How is it, that as a Mother, I am forced to work as if I don't have any child but parent my child as if I don't have to work 40-70 hours a week with no rest in between work and being a Mother?

I loved my job, but I love my child more. I am going to take this one day at a time, find a new job but continuously focus on spending that much more time with my son and his school. Prayers to any other parent, single or married, that is going through the dirt that started late in 2020 and has bled over into 2021. This is our year and we will get through it all and shine brighter than ever!

Love and kisses.

-From one single parent to another.