Unconditional Love

If you are a mother, then you can probably relate to this photo. I have four children, two girls and two boys. And the love of a child is unconditional; this is a fact. I have learned to be a better woman because of my children.

I'm not sure if the lack of love I felt from my mother has anything to do with my thoughts and feelings about my children. But I can certainly tell you what I experienced as a child with my own broken family. I wouldn’t wish on any child. Children require patience, guidance, someone to set an example.

On my worst days and when I feel stressed about life in general, I can honestly say that. One of my daughters will randomly come up and hug me and tell me she loves me. If that isn't the best form of therapy!

Growing up, I wasn't as close to my mother or father. My sister was more of a parent to me. She stood as my "Go-To" person when having any questions concerning the female body or changes in becoming a young lady. Anytime I needed support for an event I had going on in school, she was there if she could be. It was frustrating at times, and I would argue with her instead of appreciating her being there for me. But she always had a way of comforting me when I needed it the most.

My children argue and fight as all siblings do. And the oldest daughter does step up and help when she sees I have a lot going on. But for the most part, I try to let her be a child while still a child. I want my children to stay close and always know they have each other. But most importantly, they have a mother! I couldn't stay away from them as my mother did with me. They are my world!

Some events have happened recently with my mother. And I sit here and just question myself. Did she even want to have children? How can a mother show such hatred and wicked ways? I do not claim to be perfect or a victim. I know that I have spoken some pretty harsh words out of anger. But I guess my thoughts on these subjects are "Apologize and Forgive!" Love is unconditional between a mother and her child.

My biggest downfall would be that my children know when something is bothering me. I have a hard time hiding my facial expressions. But there has never been an issue with forgiving my children. Or making any of them feel as if they weren’t loved. I have lost patience and gotten upset many times. But I usually explain why I react the way I do when I punish.

They ask all the time if it's hard being a mom. I say it is challenging; no one is ever fully prepared to be a parent. I do explain to them that I waited until I was in my twenties to start having children. Even waiting until then, I wasn't as grown-up as maybe I should have been. Again, trying to give them some positive guidance.

Another decision I made different from my mother's. She was 16 years old when she had my sister. And it could also be quite possibly the reason she and I didn't have a closer relationship. She did not have a teenage life. By the time she gave birth to me, she already had two children. My mother was 21 years old when I was born. Not sure if she regretted having children at such a young age or felt like we (her children) took her teenage life away. My mother would often leave us with a sitter or family member. Not only when she was working a job but when she just wanted to be free of children.

As a mother now, I can understand she needed some time to regroup and gather her thoughts. But I couldn’t leave my children regularly with a sitter so that I could go enjoy life. My children are included in my life as they should be.