Uncle Arthur

Growing up in a big Family has its Perks and Flaws. If you are among the first kids, a lot of responsibilities automatically defaults to you, but if you are among the youngest; you get away with a lot of privileges. But to whom much is given, much more is expected. Sibling rivalry becomes the norm, academic performance is vital to your existence in the Family. Your grades speak for you and those privileges tend to increase based on how well you perform academically each school year. You automatically become the pedestal of the family based on your resilience to dominate the rest of your siblings academically. Nevertheless, you each become your brother’s and sister’s keeper and vice versa. You can never lack companionship; and you forever have a playmate, and that one relative you resonate with the most. On the other hand, however; it might feel like you do not always get the attention that you desperately need, despite your parents doing the best they can to accommodate each child individually. This is common in many African communities/families, nevertheless; I would not trade my upbringing for anything in this world. Yes, I too come from a big family, and this was indeed my reality growing up.

Extended relatives, friends of the family, as well as distant relatives made up a huge part of the family as well. If you were lucky to live within proximity with one another, the chain of commands expanded as well as competition among the children and their descendants. The parents constantly expressed and compared their bragging rights freely; from whose child graduated college first, to whom got married off first, to who does not have a child out of wedlock, just to name a few. This were the constant discussions and village gossips we constantly eves-dropped on, just to stay afloat. Nevertheless, this is also what kept us grounded growing up and enabled us to excel in all areas of our lives. Every child, relative cousin and etc thrived to be referenced in a positive light and did not what to be associated with any negative anecdote. You ultimately became a living example not just in your nuclear family but in the community as whole, based on your characteristics, behavior, work ethics and academic performance. In juxtaposition, this gave you, the exemplary child, bragging rights as well. Grandparents, uncles/aunties, friends of the family also took note of your achievements dearly and often rewarded your efforts by applauding your existence in general. As an exemplary child, you were like the celebrity of that town and every newcomer/resident in the village was enlightened of your achievements. It safe to say, you were very fond of.

My “Uncle Arthur” is like no other. He is technically my Cousin, but we grew up calling him “Uncle Arthur” and the name just stuck. So, allow me to call my Cousin ‘Uncle Arthur’. You see Uncle Arthur was the First to make it out of our relatively small village, the equivalence of a town. He was from a different county/town called Kano, Chiga but he spent most of his upbringing in my village Nyakach. People often assumed and confused him to be a Nyakachian. And when he made it to the state capital Nairobi, the equivalence of New York City. He become the hometown hero, and everyone had fond stories to say about Uncle Arthur. Not only was he the first to make it out of the village, but he was also first to conquer the big City. And went on to host aspiring young men from Our Village trying to pursue their dreams in the Big City. Uncle Arthur was simply known as the referral for anyone trying to make it in Nairobi. Being that he was my relative, this gave me and my siblings bragging rights by default.

Despite being young and playful, I can vividly recall every encounter I experienced whenever Uncle Arthur returned to Our Village to visit. Unbeknownst to many, Uncle Artur had this distinctive scent from a collection of his colognes that you could smell from a distance. Given that he had an undying bond with my Mother, he always drove to our home first to bond with his auntie before going about with his whereabouts. By this time Uncle Arthur had bought himself a personal vehicle, small Peugeot, of which he would roam to the village with. A luxury many people were not privileged to have. I personally had used public means endlessly but had never been driven in a personal vehicle prior to this day. I was mesmerized with size of Uncle Arthur’s vehicle compared to the public means vehicles. I often wondered why we did not have such luxury Like my Uncle, only to be enlightened eventually by my sister, that we also once owned a personal family vehicle long before I was born. My Mother had bought Our very first family vehicle when she first got Married. But by the time I was born, three decades later, the Volkswagen was no-longer in our possession and I missed out on all the bragging rights. I could not help but imagine how a Woman that raised me and had a distaste for materialistic things once owned a personal vehicle and failed to tell me about it. The disbelief of it all. Nevertheless, it also gave me a clear understanding of why Uncle Arthur bonded with my Mother so well. They say iron sharpens iron, and these two were a living example of that statement.

I lived to experience my very own moment being driven in a personal vehicle by my Uncle Arthur. Every time he came to visit or was within proximity of Our village during a business trip, Uncle Arthur made it upon himself to take me on a ride within the neighborhood. There were times I had just came back home from playing, was dusty and looking crazy; yet Uncle Arthur would still opt to give me a tour of our village in his vehicle regardless. He did not care that I was not dressed to the occasion nor taken a bath I desperately needed, he simply embraced me as I am and allowed me to be a child. Numerous times my Mother would scold me for embarrassing her trying to leave with my Uncle looking dusty, but My Uncle had a way of convincing her we were just driving down the street and coming back. This became a tradition, every chance he visited his Auntie, he made time to drive me around the neighborhood despite being in a hurry sometimes. It reached a point my immediate siblings begun getting jealous of being left behind each time Uncle Arthur offered to drive me around the Village. I had rightfully gained my bragging rights and was not willing to share it with these nagging siblings. On one particular day, Uncle Arthur came by to say hello to my mother, for he had just arrived from the Big city. He came along with two of his friends as well as my older brother. Upon saying hello, I began to worry whether Uncle Arthur would be able to take me on a drive around the neighborhood as usual. Immediately he assured me not to worry and stated I would go on a drive with them regardless, his friends, and my older brother. That is when hell broke loose, the two nagging siblings had also been waiting for an opportunity to request for a personal ride from Uncle Arthur. Sadly, they both chose this day to do so, and my Mother had to intervene and state no one is going with Uncle Arthur today. He has company and Better things to do, you will go next time. Knowing my mother’s bluff, we knew there would be no next time now that we all wanted to go on a drive around the neirghborhood and leave her chores un-attended. We resorted to throw tantrums in front of the guest in hopes of getting our way. Instead, our mother resorted to allow my brother to go with Uncle Arthur instead, given the fact that there was not enough space to accommodate all of us and it would be all males in the vehicle. I refuted her suggestion and instead alerted my sister to continue whaling and throwing tantrums. Uncle Arthur immediately stepped in and provided a solution that resonated better with our mother. He instructed his friends and my older brother to carry us instead, for all of us to go on the drive. We drove past our village and into another county all together. Uncle Arthur had decided to show us the other side of Nyakach we had never seen or been to, a place called Oboch. Despite being squeezed in his small vehicle and going on a road trip that felt like eternity, this was the best day of our lives. We got to see a different town within the surrounding area of our Village we never knew existed prior to this day. Everything seemed so surreal, yet it still resonated with our Town/village so much. I can never forget the countless times Uncle Arthur would lighten our Childhood days. He became the cool Uncle that embraced and acknowledged you for who you are and not what you have/own.

To this day, Uncle Arthur is still the same jovial person he was when I was a child. He still has a passion for colognes and his signature scent is vividly recognized. You know when he walks in the room or is within proximity. It has been a while since I last saw Uncle Arthur, my last memorable experience was in 2016. Despite the circumstances we were facing at the time, Uncle Arthur was readily available to help and assist us in every means. As my last day approached and I departed Kenya to return to my 2nd Home, I decided to call Uncle Arthur earlier that morning. My flight was leaving slightly after 11am and I had not made anyone aware of my departure date except for a few family members. When I alerted Uncle Arthur I was leaving, he immediately asserted “you cannot leave without saying goodbye face-to-face. I am 56km away, approximately 35miles from Nairobi, but I will try my best to make it to the Airport before you leave”. I was not sure if I would see my Uncle or not, given that it was rush-hour in a city that does not sleep. We finally headed out to the airport 2hrs before my departure and sadly hit traffic. Not only did Uncle Arthur make it to the Airport before us, but he also decided to drive towards us instead to help extend our bonding time before I leave. Traffic was heavy and I had less than an hour to get to the airport by the time Uncle Arthur drove to our location. We pulled in at a gas station and took a moment to say goodbye.

This picture was taken at the gas station as we scrambled to get to the airport during rush-hour. People encounter others from a different perspective, but for me; Uncle Arthur has always been the same person towards me since childhood. I can only speak of what I have encountered, yes people make mistake, and we all have flaws. I choose to focus and embrace my Uncles’ Good deeds instead of reflecting on his flaws. He could have said goodbye to me over the phone and gone about with his whereabouts that day, however, Uncle Arthur chose to see me off in person instead. Unbeknownst to him that I had brought him a gift all along, I handed him the gift at the gas station using his famous remarks:” I could not leave without giving you your favorite cologne”. His gratitude moved me that day and it summarized the countless times Uncle Arthur brightened my childhood by providing me priceless memories. I am Blessed and thankful to have Uncle Arthur as relative and a friend, but most importantly someone I can count on. Not everyone will ever see things from my perspective, but that's how life goes sometimes. Time is of the essence and I prefer to give you your flowers now rather than later. May the rest of the World finally get to see the real you, many people have failed to see throughout the years. Indeed, my Family is big and diverse, and it is easy to forget and confuse certain relatives or family members every now and then. But one thing for sure, I can never forget the memories I shared with each one individually. Such beautiful memories are what has helped shaped my upbringing and laid the foundation of who I am today. People may come and go in your life, but their memories can never die.