Trouble with Divorce

Don’t get me wrong, sometimes divorces end really good. The child is happy and the now exes are happy. In most cases, that is not the story. It’s a rare occasion to have a perfect ending in divorce.

I’m 16 with my parents divorced for about nine years now. It is the hardest thing to deal with because in my case it’s the worst ending divorce could ever have. My parents absolutely hate each other.

My life was absolutely perfect. I lived in Santa Monica, California on the beach, my sister and I got along, I had tons of friends, and I couldn’t ever ask for more. My parents weren’t exactly “in love” but they worked well together. They decided that it was time to move to have a different experience in life.

A little after moving into our house everything started to change. Our house had four bedrooms and frequently my dad would stay in the guest bedroom. And as the older I got, the more I realized that my parents were polar opposites. Man/Woman-Catholic/Jewish-Republican/Democratic. Literally opposite. My dad wanted to go to marriage counseling to try to repair their relationship but my mom refused. After two years, my dad decided he was going to file for divorce.

That’s where everything changed. Move forward 5 years and the hate only got stronger. My mom and dad were on opposite sides of the county calling each other about what horrible parent each other was being, they kept going to court over custody of me. And 9 years later it’s still the same thing.

They can’t agree on anything, they refuse to talk to each other, and Hell basically broke loose. Present day has come with more problems from the past. Daily. My relationship with my whole family on both sides has been ruptured. It’s not like a teenager thing where it’s like “Mom is so annoying” or “Dad won’t quit complaining.” It’s where it’s like "Mom is so annoying, she won’t let me go to my dad's house even though she’s working from 8 AM to 9 PM" and like "Dad won’t quit complaining—about all of the lawyers fees my mom refuses to pay."

My relationship with my sister is absolutely terrible. We rarely even talk to each other and when ever we do it ends up in a fight where my sister says, “you’re just like Dad, I hate you.” People tell me constantly that “time will heal” our relationship, but I highly doubt it because we again are polar opposites. Just like our mom and dad.

Whenever I want or need something this is what happens: “Hey Mom, I need a new backpack for school,” and she replies, “Go ask your dad,” and my dad will say, “go ask your mom.” Honestly, I can barely even take it anymore.

To parents: I know that divorce is tough but you have to think of your kids too. Start communicating to each other and though you may hate each other, make it so you just dislike each other. Step by step.

To teens: no matter how hard it gets, just remember that everything happens for a reason. If you need something, communicate it to both parents and make it clear to them that you need some support. (I don’t have a job, so if they say you can pay for it yourself, pay for it yourself, and then whenever they ask you to pay for something, tell them they can pay for it.)

I’m in high school, so that makes everything 10 times worse. My dad put me in private school for first grade then my mom took me out and put me into public school. Now I’m going to be a junior and the first two years of high school I’ve been in public. My dad has now put me back in private. Boom, problem: parents lacking communication.

I just got my permit and my dad won’t let me drive with my mom. He won’t let me drive with her, he won’t let me go back to her house with my permit, and he won’t let her anywhere near my car when I get a license. Boom, problem: parents' lack of communication.

I dyed my hair a couple of years ago without telling my dad (my mom said I could) and when I went to go back to my dad's he started whining about it being Mom's fault. Boom, problem: parents' lack of communication.

I couldn’t tell him because then I didn’t have a phone. Fast forward to now; I do have a phone, but my dad calls and texts me every single day to make sure I’m doing OK. And throughout this whole thing it makes my dad seem crazy. I promise he’s not. My mom and dad are completely different. My mom doesn’t care about anything I do with the saying “live life” and I can completely agree except on some situations where what she says it’s OK to do isn’t OK. And when my dad texts me every day, he’s making sure I’m not alone and I’m in a safe environment.

Listen, I love both of them a lot, but the only common thing in all of the problems of divorce is communicating. Communication is the BEST way to solve anything and everything in life. It doesn’t matter if you’re talking to your mom, dad, family member, friend, or even therapist. All that matters is that communication will make the situation you are in easier.

When I say situation it doesn’t have to be divorce. It could be depression, divorce, drug abuse, a math problem, or even a science project.

There are so many more fights and situations I’ve been in, but the ones I’ve talked about are some of the ones (big or small) that have made an impact on relationships with loved ones.

To parents: Communicate.

To teens: Communicate.

Communication is key.