Trending

Trending

Being part of the social media generation I hear the word trending fairly often. Usually its certain styles, tik tok videos or the latest Hollywood drama, but recently on Reddit a thread popped up about parenting trends that people wished would end. As a mom of 4, an angel baby and another on the way, naturally, I read through it. Here is my opinion on these “parenting trends” that people apparently think need to stop.

**Number 1: Pretending that not parenting is parenting

I fully agree with this one. I personally have never experienced the example they give but I have seen it enough times in movies. It seems like every movie that has an in flight scene has one kid that wont stop kicking the chair back in front of them. I always just stare at the screen with my inner momma fighting the urge to reach through the TV and smack the kid myself. How would you feel if some kid was doing that to you and their parent wasn’t doing anything? If you’re going to be a parent, be a parent.

**Number 2 and Number 5 are basically the same thing so I put them together. This is another one I can agree with and I’m pretty sure that we have all met at least one parent that spends all their time wrapping their kids in emotional bubble wrap. As a mom, I know how devastating it can be to watch your child get hurt or not reap the reward they worked so hard for but that’s life. How often in the real world, do things work out exactly the way we want them to? If we coddle our kids and never allow them to experience negative emotions how will they learn to handle those emotions they are bound to face as adults?

We can look around our world and see the end result all around us. There are adults that don’t get their way and instead of accepting the result they act like over grown toddlers. If its not okay for young children to throw things, scream and stomp their feet because they are unhappy why is it okay for adults to act that way?

Another result of parents that never let their kids face any challenges is a diminished work ethic. I live in a small town and never in my life have I seen so many Now Hiring signs. Businesses that have to close early, people with zero skills or work history demanding the same pay grade as workers that do skilled labor and the only thing we have to blame are the parents that raised entitled brats that don’t want to make any effort to climb a ladder.

**Number 3: “Fake” Gentle Parenting, which I guess in a way goes with 2 and 5. Gentle parenting is a parenting style that uses compassion and consistent boundaries to help grow an internal desire to do the right thing. In the equestrian world we call this R+ training or positive reinforcement.

I can’t tell you how many times I have seen people new to horse training inadvertently create a dangerous animal using R+ and I have seen just as many parents create dangerous, rude, and disrespectful children by using “Gentle Parenting”.

Parents basically become slaves to their children, walking on proverbial egg shells to prevent melt downs and occasionally dangerous behavior. Gentle parenting, when done correctly is a great way to raise empathetic and compassionate individuals BUT if you aren’t sure exactly how to do something, find a mentor. In the world of social media there is no shortage of support groups. If things aren’t going the way you expected, reach out for help.

**Next up: Stage Mom Syndrome:

This is yet another one I FULLY agree with. Recently Netflix was put under scrutiny for a certain show, I didn’t watch it and cant remember what its called so… however I think we have all heard of the popular “reality” tv shows (fill in the blank) Moms. Dance, pagent, cheer, if there is a competition featuring young kids, usually girls, there is a show about it.

These girls are made up, primed, painted and dressed to the point that a five year old looks like someone you would see serving cocktails at a gentleman’s club. These little girls are not allowed to be children and all for the sake of their mother’s vanity. Don't get me wrong, if your child enjoys competition and wants to pursue that goal Encourage them but make sure they have time to be a child and are reminded that (fill in the blank) isn't everything.

**Helicopter Parenting… this one hits real hard for me. Growing up I watched my aunt helicopter parent my cousins and saw the strain that it put on her marriage. Later I married a man that was helicopter parented and had to deal with, not only the psychological damage that it did to him but also had to deal with his mother trying to helicopter grandparent my kids.

I was raised by an older man that was of the “go out side and play, be back before the street lights come on” generation. I was raised very similarly. I went for hikes through our forty acres with just my dogs, I had my own four wheeler that I was never supervised while riding and when we went to horse shows I was allowed to roam the show grounds with my friends under the condition that I check in and be back in time for my classes and practice. I can see how, with society becoming more dangerous everyday, that is no longer safe but kids still need freedom.

Kids need to get dirty, explore, scrape their knees and climb trees. Kids need room to grow into independent and healthy little people. Supervise your kids, keep them safe, but let them experience life.

**Not Believing the Teacher… seriously… this one has to be said? I hate to bust your bubble but if you think your kid doesn’t tell the occasional white lie to save their hind ends from getting in trouble you’re either naïve or incredibly stupid.

Kids lie, kids make stupid choices and mistakes,and that includes your child. Get over it. If the teacher says your kid wont stop doing x y z shut up and listen. If you jump down the teachers throat they will be less inclined to talk to you again. This can affect your child's grades and get them into disciplinary problems that can grow into issues that could have been prevented.

No Talking Back… I have mixed feelings about this one and I really don’t think that the person that created this post understands that phrase. I was raised in the deep south, don’t talk back is a big thing. For those of you that don’t know what that means, its basically like “don’t argue” or don’t “back peddle. You did something wrong, you got caught, don’t try to talk your way out of it.

I have mixed feelings because I can understand where the poster is coming from. When I was thirteen I was invited to a Halloween party. My parents were very finicky when it came to me going out to people’s houses and this was the first party I was ever allowed to attend. We were not told, however, that my friends older, seventeen year old, sister was going to be inviting her friends as well.

Long story short I ended up in a situation where I was alone with an older boy that was attempting to pressure me into sex. I didn’t really know this guy and wasn’t into him or ready to lose my virginity so I told him no. Despite making the right choice, I got in trouble. I attempted to explain but it didn’t matter. The parents weren't hearing it. So in a way I fully understand where the poster is coming from about allowing your kids the opportunity to explain.

However, if you do the wrong thing, you know it was wrong, you got caught and are now trying to “back talk” your way out of punishment, just don’t. Take your punishment and move on, you got caught, get over it.

I also do not agree with the example they give in the last sentence. There is a big difference in not allowing your kids to try to talk themselves out of a punishment they know they deserve and your kid not feeling safe to come and tell you that something is happening to them. If your kid doesn’t feel safe confiding in you there is a much bigger problem in your relationship that needs to be addressed. I make it known to my kids through words and actions that they can come to me at any time and talk to me. I will always listen and be there for them.

**Pushing them too Hard: I agree with this one too, and feel like it’s the opposite extreme of bulldozer parents. These are the parents that fill their kids schedules and push them to exhaustion. Pushing your kids to their full potential is great but kids also need to be kids and have rest. Kids can get burnt out just like adults and I feel like it may actually be more common in kids. This also goes along with the stage mom syndrome but includes dads.

**Tablet addiction and Tablets in Public.This is huge for me. I actually posted on Facebook about this very topic and naturally the guilty parties had to chime in. They spit every excuse you can think of like:There is nothing wrong with putting a tablet in front of my kid so I can get house work done.My TWO YEAR OLD has ADD so if a tablet makes her sit still at the doctor office or grocery store that’s what I’m going to do.

Okay… first off… your two year old does NOT have ADD/ADHD. Your two year old is a hyper, learning, exploring, ball of energy and is completely normal.

Second, This goes right with pretending not parenting is parenting. Parents are forced to hear their child's favorite shows or music on repeat throughout the day at home, no one wants to hear it when they are at a doctor office or trying to buy groceries. Have a little common courtesy and stop Lazy Parenting your kids. Teach them that there is a time and place or let them burn some of that excess energy so that they calm down during certain times of day. Parenting is only as hard as you make it.

**Late to the Potty… I had to put my phone down and take a deep breath when I read this one. I am honestly baffled that this actually needs to be said. Do people really think their elementary school aged kid doesn’t need to go to the bathroom by themselves? Are they not worried about the hygiene concerns? Diaper rash, urine scald and yeast infections are only the tip of the ice burg. Also, teachers are paid to teach. They are not paid to be nannies and they cant stop in the middle of a lesson to change your kids diaper. This is beyond lazy and should be considered neglect.

**Kids on Social Media. STOP IT!! Seriously, how is that a good idea? In a world where child trafficking, online predators, and cyber bullying are rampant why would you paint a target on your child? I’m so glad that you are proud that Susie got all stars on her progress report and learned to subtract but you can post her accomplishments without advertising where your child goes to school. The world does not need to know what outfit your kids got or what vacation you are taking and when. Its up to you to protect your kids and part of that is using common sense when posting on social media and when to allow your kids to have one.

**Letting your kids make all the decisions… honestly this goes with the first one and should go without saying. Give your kids options but do not let them dictate your life.

**“What goes on in this house stays in this house” is another one I have mixed feelings about. I understand where the poster is coming from, many kids suffer from abuse and neglect because they feel like they cant tell anyone whats going on.

On the other hand, there are certain things that kids should not be talking about to people. Lets face it, kids listen a lot more than we, as parents, think. Kids over hear things we don’t want them to hear and can misunderstand things easily.

For example, let say mom's doctor put her on fertility treatment to help conceive baby number two. The kids are too young to understand infertility and what invetro fertilization is and tell their friends that their mommy gives her self shots. A teacher over hears and automatically thinks “drug problem” and calls Child Protective Services. An innocent situation that is very sensitive has just been made worse. Kids also don’t need to be talking about the financial issues that they may over hear or that dad drinks a beer when he gets home from work.

There are so many examples of why its important to tell your kids not to talk about things that go on inside the home.

**Birthdays… I honestly feel sorry for this person. Was your childhood really so bad that you are jealous over kids having better parties than you? I get that some parents spend way too much on those early birthdays the kids aren’t going to remember and it can seem a little ridiculous. Why not save all that money so you can take them on a big birthday trip as teens? It makes more sense to save up and spend the big bucks on the birthdays the kid will remember.

Aside from that I don’t think there is anything wrong with parents taking cute pictures with props on the month-aversaries. You want to document the progress and milestones of the tiny person you created. One day you will look back and wish you had those photos.

As far as that last sentence about gender reveals… well… I am so sorry you don’t think that its okay to be proud and celebrate pregnancy milestones. Your child and family are going to have such a boring life…

**Parent not friend, yeah… this one goes with the first one as well and I fully agree. Friends are the ones your kids make stupid decisions with, be a parent. Be the role model they need, the person they can call when they need help. Be responsible and teach them by showing them.

**You’re not special… Seriously?? I’m not sure if this person needs to be smacked or hugged. Like, who destroyed your dreams so bad that you would tell a child they aren’t special?

I get that its unfair to not be realistic with your kids and that’s how narcissists are created but don’t rip your kids down. All kids are special and unique and have individual talents. Imagine if JK Rowling had been told she wasn’t special and was just a kid with a mild talent so why write Harry Potter; what if Ben Carson had been told he wasn’t special, no way will he ever be a neurosurgeon so why study so hard.

Foster your children’s passion and talents in a healthy way so they have a chance to do great things.

** * **

There you have it. The “Parenting Trends” Reddit users wish would end and my opinions as a parent on these issues. Most I can totally agree with, some not so much. I actually didn't touch on the points made in this article but I think I covered the "hottest" topics. All in all I think every parent can agree that keeping our kids safe and raising self reliant, productive individuals that make wise decisions are the ultimate objectives. No matter your parenting style or your opinion on these trends safe happy kids are whats most important.

Authors Note: I wrote this article in lieu of the upcoming holidays (Mother’s Day and Father’s Day) I will have subsequent articles about those important people in my life later. In the mean time, if you want to discuss your opinions on these trends or even add some to the list follow me on Facebook and look for the post with this article.

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