Together Again

Mom was only fifteen when she met my dad – to be more specific, when she first saw him. He was lying in the street, doubled over, and gasping for air, when she saw a crowd huddled over something. She walked over to see what the fuss was about and that’s when her eyes landed what she described as the most handsome boy she’d ever seen.

Dad’s hair was dark-blond, and his eyes were milk chocolate brown. Her heart melted as she watched him struggle to catch his breath. He had been playing street hockey with his friends and his stick struck a slightly raised utility access hole cover, got stuck, and as he tried to skate by, jammed him in the stomach, knocking the wind out of him causing him to curl into a ball and lay on the ground and just as mom saw him, gasping for air.

Instinctively, Mom cried out, “Don’t let him lie in the street. He’ll get hit by a car. Carry him to the sidewalk.” Dad’s friends first looked at mom as if she were an alien or had lost her mind. None of the boys knew her but soon realized she made a good point. They helped dad walk the few feet to safety.

She wouldn’t leave his side even as his breath began to normalize. Mom held his hand and talked almost non-stop to help him relax. It worked. His breath steadied and soon, he smiled and asked, “What’s your name and where do you live?”

Her heart did a flip and later as she recalled her “how I met your dad” story, told me that his smile could light a room.

Mom smiled. “Mary and actually, just around the corner.” Dad walked her home and asked if she’d like to hang out with him and his friends later that night. “We’re only going to the candy store for some soda; it’s nothing special.” To mom, it was more than special. He didn’t have to ask twice.

As I said, mom was fifteen. Dad was fourteen but neither cared. They were inseparable as the years passed. Dad’s friends often joked, “If you’re looking for Frank, look for the cute girl with chestnut brown hair. That’s where you’ll find him. Their relationship grew as time passed.

When the USA became involved in World War II, Dad felt obligated to do his part. He joined the Navy. It was the first time they were ever separated but once home on leave, Dad asked Mom to marry him. Once again, he didn’t have to ask twice. They were determined to pledge their vows before he needed to be back at the shipyard. Three days later, they were pronounced “Man and Wife.”

To say they were happy is a mild statement. Dad was mom’s world and dad idolized mom. Their love was obvious to anyone who saw them look at each other. Their love produced three beautiful children (yep, I’m including myself in that category. Why should my siblings get all the compliments, right?)

While their life together wasn’t the easiest, they managed, and as they managed, their love didn’t just linger, it grew. Dad did very little unless Mom was involved. When Mom shopped, so did Dad. His view was that his beautiful wife shouldn’t have to manage the groceries by herself. He was always there to help.

While they weren’t rich, Mom always managed to put away a bit of money for a week-long vacation for all of us. Didn’t matter if it was Virginia Beach or Montauk, Long Island. She insisted, even after her children were grown, that we share that one week together.

Then one day, tragedy struck. A few days before dad’s 65th birthday, he had a stroke which paralyzed his left side. With therapy, he gained the use of his legs, but his left arm remained useless. Yes, Dad was able to walk but after the stroke, was forced to use cane.

That didn’t stop them from enjoying their lives together. With a modified steering wheel, he was once again able to drive and still took mom on many vacations. He could often be heard saying, “Mary, you work so hard. You deserve a nice vacation.”

When dad turned seventy-one, he stumbled and fell. It was determined that he experienced a TIA – mini stroke. While dad lay in the hospital, an astute nurse noticed something about dad that wasn’t quite right. She prompted the doctor to order a few tests. The diagnosis was stage 4 colon cancer. The doctor told mom that dad had about 8 months to live.

We were horrified. Trying to extend dad’s life, we agreed to an ileostomy but when it was performed, it proved fruitless.

Dad died six weeks after that procedure.

Mom was devastated.

Not too many years later, I noticed mom began forgetting things. It was at first, subtle but the signs were there. She repeated herself a little too often; she’d forget where she put her purse; she’d call me two or three times a day but never remembered why, etc.

Eventually, Mom moved in with me. Her dementia was worse but still tolerable. She could hold small conversations and create full sentences.

One day as Mom and I reminisced, I asked her to tell me something about Dad.

She looked horrified as she asked, “I was married?” How could she have forgotten Dad? Did she know me?

I asked her who I was and answered correctly. That was a relief, so I backtracked to help her remember Dad.

“Mom, do you remember that handsome young sailor from years ago?”

Within seconds, her eyes glowed with love and remembrance. “Oh, yes, my Frankie!”

“Mom, he was your husband.”

She sat there for a few silent minutes then in a soft voice said, “That’s right. I married my Frankie. My sailor. How I cried when he got sick and died.”

That was the last full sentence mom ever said. The dementia took hold in a big way. I often wonder if it was her grief that propelled the dementia.

Mom died not long after. I recalled an old Buck Owens song, “Together Again.”

Thank you, Buck Owens for writing and performing a song that has become so very dear to me as I think of my parents once again holding hands and walking forever side by side.

For my mom’s funeral, I printed a photo of my parents the last time they were together just before his death and modified Owens’ song to read:

Together again

Her tears have stopped falling;

The long, lonely nights

Are now at an end.

The key to her heart

He held in his hands

And nothing else matters

They're together again

Together again

Her gray skies are gone;

She’s back in his arms

Now where she belongs.

The love that they knew

Is living again,

And nothing else matters

They're together again